Archive | December, 2011

5 Holiday joys… And silliness

23 Dec

I LOVE Christmas.

It is the only part of pop-culture (aside from random, bass-heavy hip hop songs with inane lyrics) that makes me truly thankful, deep deep within.  Matter o’ fact, last year we decorated the tree with Sex Love and Money playing in the background.  Oh, the irony.

I am deeply thankful…

  • For 32 years of enjoying special time with family and friends.
  • For watching people act with love, the way we should all year.
  • For seeing care and attention to beauty and detail all around us.
  • For witnessing incredible acts of selflessness and generosity.

That said, there are quite a few more amazing things about the holidays… And some rather hilariously silly not-so amazing things.

In the spirit of laughter and fun, I give you five joys to make your holiday brighter (unless your last name is Scrooge.  In that case, I’ll pray for you.)  Also, five examples of silliness that might bring a few giggles.

Silliness #1: Office protocol.

“Sent Friday Dec. 23 at 12:00pm

Attn: All General Manager, Program Directors, Managers, Supervisors

Holiday Reminder!!

As per Company Policy, employees that are absent the day before and/or the day after our scheduled Christmas and New Year holidays without prior authorization (Approved Request For Time Off) will NOT be paid for the holidays.

Please remind your staff that all Request For Time Off forms must be submitted and approved prior to taking the leave.

Company Holiday schedule is as follows:

Christmas

Monday, December 26th and Tuesday, December 27th

New Year

Monday, January 2nd and Tuesday, January 3rd

Have a safe and happy holiday.

Executive Manger Human Resources”

Hey.  At least there was a manger involved.

Silliness #2: Gifting etiquette goofs.

I don’t believe in spending a lot of money on Christmas, but I love gifts, put lots of thought and care into gifts given, and feel lots of gratitude, grace and appreciation for any received.   I actually wrap and regift to myself as an exercise in contentment.

Some not-so gracious gift etiquette malfunctions:

  • Pouting (how anyone can be upset about receiving a gift is beyond me.)  
  • Misgiving (there are folks silly enough to not only be careless and confuse gifts… But also point it out and take the gift back.  Wowsa.)  
  • Pitying (we don’t give to receive, and it is wildly awkward to scramble for a return gift if pleasantly surprised by a one-sided exchange.)
  • Regifting (it’s wildly awkward to unintentially share how little you appreciated a gift by accidentally regifting it to the giver.)

Silliness #3: The angry caroler.

“I love singing.  It’s just like talking, except longer and louder and you move your voice up and down.”  - Buddy the Elf

There is little more fun to be had than holding an impromptu caroling session.  There’s always a hilarious barbershop quartet, someone incredibly out of tune… And standing quietly, staring at the words and other carolers with haughty disdain… The angry caroler.  Step up or step out.

Silliness #4:  The leftover bandit.

I can’t be the only one who dreams of leftovers.  I stock up on home-cooked goodness and eagerly count down the moments to post-holiday bliss.  There’s nothing quite like feeling retardedly selfish and stingy when you realize someone’s beaten you to them… And you want to beat them with tinsel.  #Prayerneeds.

Silliness #5: The material spirit.

The main reason I love Christmas, is that in my mind it’s all about love, selflessness, sharing, kindness, and gratitude.  I do live in America.  And I’ve noticed what it means for most.  And that’s sad for them.

Aaaaahhhh… The best part!  Holiday joys.

Joy #1:  Frugality.

Years ago I bought a fake tree as a compromise with an allergic roommate.  Since, I’ve kept the same decorations, lights, etc.  so my little home turns into holiday heaven pretty much for free every year.  I may spend a few dollars on spray paint to paint pretty branches silver or gold, or buy a strand of twinkle lights or two.  Gifts are on a strict budget, and quite frankly, if I can’t think of something that would truly be appreciated I’ll give my time instead.  No, I don’t really have a choice in the matter. But quite frankly, when I do, the simple approach helps keep the holidays grounded and real.

Joy #2:  Lights.

Lights, or people who shine a little brighter than most, become blindingly brilliant during this time… And everyone shines brighter than usual.  By the by, it would not surprise me to learn insurance skyrockets around the holidays because of distracted drivers.  It is all I can do to not slow to a crawl and gawk at every little twinkling bulb I pass while driving down a street.  My own little yard has a simple display (frugal fun) but goodness! Am I glad for neighborly light treats.

Joy #3:  Spirits.

Holiday spirits are high.  This makes me happy.  Holiday dranks are good.  Drink with an “i” is a non-alcoholic beverage.  Dranks have grown-up juice in them.  This makes me heppy.  Somehow, all the recipes are just glorious.  Spicy notes of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, cloves… Frosty confections and warm mugs, yum!

I’m trying out peppermintinis this year.

Peppermintini:

Cranberry Ciroc Vodka

Champagne

Candy cane

Fresh mint leaves

Fresh cranberries

To make One Peppermintini: Muddle a bit of candy cane, 9-10 mint leaves, and 3-4 cranberries in a glass.  Add ice, 1 oz vodka, shake.  Pour through strainer into chilled martini glass.  Top off with champagne. Garnish with one cranberry, one mint sprig, candy cane. :-D

Joy #4: Nourishment.

The feeling of love and abundance in this time feeds and nourishes our souls.  Plus… Holiday food tastes better for the same reason soup works so well when you’re sick: There’s love in it.  Everything is made with twice as much care, effort and concern.  I’ve yet to have holiday food that wasn’t scrumptious.

Joy #5: Love.

Love is the light in our eyes, the lift of our souls. The touch of our hands the drank in our bowls.

Waaaaitaminute.  Focusing.

I mean to say, love is everything.

That is what makes the holidays wonderful.

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Crash diet: How to love yourself Part 1 of 2.

20 Dec

Wow that’s a big title. Not really any other way to put it though.

Loving ourselves is the single most important compulsion in life… And of course the toughest. Self-love is what allows us to find joy, hope, love, kindness, health.

Thing is, there’s a lot in the way of this all-important process.

  • How can I love myself without being selfish?
  • Shouldn’t I seek to love God/the Universe/my children/my spouse first?
  • Isn’t that conceited, to love yourself?
  • How can I love myself if people hate me?
  • Why do I need to love myself if I’m already a good person?

The real thing is, it ain’t that complicated. Humans are born intellectual, emotional, social mammals. That means there’s a lot more to us bouncing around on Earth than just finding water, warmth, food and bukkit-nekkitness.

We think all sorts of things, feel all sorts of things, and do all sorts of things… About and around other humans.

And that makes stuff complicated. Because other animals are pretty much just driven by survival. Life is wildly simple, because animals are constantly looking out for themselves. But can you imagine the hotmessdedness that would follow if animals had self-esteem issues? Got jealous? Were manipulative, insecure, proud?

Me either.

But for giggles, I’m picturing a lot of awkward body coverings, lots of hunger, sickness and death. Oh wait.

Sadly those are human challenges.

I say all that to say we were made to be happy, and self-love is what makes us happy, pure and simple. It isn’t enough for us to just be surviving. So how do you learn to love yourself?

Well, you have to be willing to try.

Just like we can’t talk to a person if we don’t open our mouths, we can’t change anything about ourselves if we don’t go about it intentionally.

Self-love is not conceit, selfishness, or sacrifice. Those are all subtle symptoms of self-hatred in fact. When we love ourselves, we’re tapping into the element that really makes us human.

I’m not perfect, but I love me some me. And I know figuring out who you are and then letting yourself fall in love with that you, works.

1) Figure out what you do and don’t like. It can actually be incredibly challenging to do this. I find when it’s hard to make a decision, it sometimes helps to sweep the really obvious non-options aside, layer by layer. Eventually you narrow it down to your answer. Make lists to carry around with you so you can keep track of likes and dislikes. Sounds silly, but would you fall in love with someone who has no personality, no personal interests? You need to know these things to fall in love with you, too.

2) Figure out what you are good at, and what you’re not good at. This can be especially hard if you’re not used to tooting your horn. Remember there’s a difference between humility and self-deprecation. The latter is a form of self-hatred. No likey. So. If you don’t know what you’re good at, start small and pay attention. It may be making a mean cup of coffee, triple-bypass surgery, changing diapers, drafting legislation, or putting a smile on someone’s face. Equally important, is acknowledging what you aren’t good at without cursing yourself. That will quickly turn into a pity-party. Self-lovers don’t have time for those.

3) Figure out your body.  Become accustomed to being in tune with your body.  Pay attention to the way you feel, physically and emotionally after experiencing certain activities, meals, exchanges, clothing, footwear, weather, etc.  As we age, we grow comfortable with minor aches and pains, subtle imperfections in the ways our bodies function.  We also overlook our physical strengths as they are overshadowed by dislike of our weaknesses.  The truth is, no matter what age, we should live free of pain, fatigue, and sickness:  We should view our bodies as healthy, beautiful, fully-functioning tools.

Now for the love crash diet:

When you have these areas pretty clear, start feeding the likes and strengths constantly.

For the dislikes and weaknesses, you can do a few things depending on where you are in your life. You may choose to steer clear of them altogether, starving dislikes and weaknesses. Only thing is, there’s probably a deeper reason you don’t like or aren’t good at certain things.

So ideally, you want to explore that, asking why and as needed, seeking professional help.

Por ejemplo, do you not like waking up early in the morning because your childhood conditioned you to hate it or because you find birds chirping annoying?  Is your medical condition truly irreparable or will nutrition and lifestyle changes improve or eradicate the sickness?  Are you a weak public speaker because you lack self-confidence or because you have never felt called or inspired to lead?

This ain’t gon’ be pretty. There may be sacrifice.  And chances are there are lots of missing hugs, snuggle time, and tickling behind the things in life you feel negatively toward.

And on that note…

There are a couple more areas to dig into so you don’t have a fleeting, shallow love affair with yourself. How awful would it be to one-night stand yourself?

I digress.

Not really. Anywho, there are goodies that will seal your marriage to self in love which I’ll share in a separate post.

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Facing your fear

13 Dec

During a recent cleaning spree, I slid a 3 foot tall, white, plastic basket into the laundry room, where I happen to be loaning space to five impossibly cute kittens.

When the basket slid into the room, they flipped out, leaping into the air and scrambling away in fear.  Kitten apocalypse.

I found the biggest kitten squeezed behind the washer, peering out warily with one little terrified eye.

Wildly amused and mildly annoyed, I decided to be finished with this hotmessdedness. I plopped the kitten right on top of the basket’s lid and continued sliding it into the room at a painstakingly slow pace.

He froze in horror but didn’t run.  The other kittens’ little heads popped out.  They watched in awe, slowly coming out of hiding to investigate; sniffing, clawing, and climbing.

Eventually, I slid the basket back out of the room with no reaction at all.

So much of what we are afraid of is simply unknown.

Surprise surprise.

We share and receive this sound missive often.  Rarely do we acknowledge  that following the implied advice to learn about something you’re afraid of, is wildly difficult.  Often, it’s so hard we actually alienate ourselves from the object more, exacerbating our fears.

A basket is one thing.  Bumblebees another.  (<–My irrational fear.)  But, what if that fear is of yourself?  Of who you might, or might not be?

What if your fear of stepping into unfamiliar territory, keeps you from realizing your life has become a cage with mirrored walls?

Mind you, I realize stuff really is flippin’ scary.

I totally identified with the kittens.  ’Cause if a skyscraper started grinding along the sidewalk toward me, I wouldn’t wait to see whether it were fluffy or benign.

But there are ways to face your fears, by giving yourself the space to fully and safely explore them.  Safe exploration depends on your circumstances.  It may be going slowly, or taking small steps, or not.

For me, fear is overcome by faith alone. By knowing, quite frankly, that at a fundamental level, life really is good.  No matter how much suffering we stand, how much pain we endure, how much strife we overcome, still…
We stand.
We endure.
We overcome.
What’s the worst that could happen if you stopped being afraid of suffering, pain, and strife, knowing you’d stand, endure and overcome?
Maybe you’d regain a child-like wonder.  Children aren’t the picture of innocence and happiness because life hasn’t beaten them down yet. It’s because they simply don’t expect it to. Unlike adults, kids look at a snowy mountain and see a chance to go sledding, not a climb to a disastrous limb-breaking fall.
Life isn’t all roses.  We’re lying to ourselves if we believe things won’t go wrong. That we’ll never be unhappy, or fail, or get hurt.
The whole point is, we’re supposed to move on. Learn. Get better. Slowly, surely, incessantly.
Those of us who have overcome great adversity are like oceans:  Deep, life-sustaining, and wondrous.
Let life hand you the depth of character found in its challenges by putting them in your cache of experiences…
And keep moving forward.

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Holiday Cocktail Recipes

6 Dec

Pumpkin Spice Martini

Ingredients:

  • Vanilla Vodka
  • Frangelico Liqueur
  • Sparkling Apple Cider
  • Almond Champagne
  • Ginger
  • Nutmeg
  • Cloves
  • Cinnamon

In a shaker with ice add:

1 oz vodka

1 oz frangelico

A dash of each spice

Shake.

Pour.

Top off with:

1 oz almond champagne

1 oz sparkling cider

Sip.

Hot Chocolate Martini

Ingredients:

  • Chocolate Vodka
  • Dark Chocolate Almond Milk

Mix together equal parts vodka and almond milk in a shaker over ice.

Shake.

Pour.

Sip.

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How to REALLY get (and keep) the love of your life..

6 Dec

Years ago, I was single.  And I got some really perfect advice about avoiding the hotmessdedness that is the inevitable outcome of  the single-and-looking process.

I was told to be careful what I wished for.

At the time, I asked myself:

  • Do you really want to meet more people or do you want to rediscover yourself?
  • Do you really want to be dating people or do you want to be fulfilled in dating yourself?
  • Do you really want to be with one or do you want to be one with self, whole?
  • Are you really ready to be married?
  • Don’t you simply want happiness and contentment?
  • Then why are you looking for a goshdarned thing?

Too often, we look at symbols and idols and pretend they are either symptoms or causes of happiness.

Question: How do you get a man or woman?

Answer: You don’t.  You get you.  Focus on you.  The fact is, you don’t need a motherlovin’ thing to be happy but you.  Not a wife, or a husband, or a car, or a home, or a drink, or a dance, or a dress, or new shoes, or jewelry, or church, or pets, or family, or friends, or kids.

You know why?

Because all around the world there are people who have all of those things and are still unhappy.

You are the one constant in your life.

So.  The next time you find yourself yearning to change your circumstance, yearn to change yourself.  Figure out who you are.  What you like.  How you feel and why.

Grow.

Change.

Evolve.

Learn to love yourself like no one else can.  In the process, you will inch ever closer to the best version of yourself.   And why would you want to be anything less?  Why would you want to be with someone who wanted a lesser version of you? In life, we deserve to be surrounded by people who see and love our most divine selves, who uplift us: But it’s our responsibility to discern who belongs around us and in what role.

Question: How do you keep ‘em?

Answer:  Keep it up.  You have to take ownership of living your own life.  It is not lived for anyone else but you.  Even as parents, if you’re unable to care for yourself first your children will suffer immeasurably.  Maintain your sense of self.  Do the things you love.  Continually rediscover and explore yourself.

In an ideal romantic relationship, you won’t complete each other: Life is always growing and changing.  And you won’t love each other more than life itself:  That’s a suicide pact, not love.  You won’t ever know everything there is to know about each other, and yourselves:  Healthy people are constantly changing.

You want to know how to get and keep a really great relationship?

Revel in finding out and falling in  love with all there is to know about yourself, your spirit, your life first.

And never stop.

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