“No.”
A simple two letter word. It is rarely used in my growing relationship with my love unless followed by the word, “problem”.
More often, the hint of a request gets interrupted fast, with an enthusiastic “Yes” before I can finish.
My love is the leader in our relationship. He has a brilliant mind of his own. We disagree healthily. We respect each other’s opinions. We ask for and consider each other’s advice seriously.
And I’m pretty sure he will do anything I ask, and I will do the same. Happily.
This is not a trick. It is not a game. It is real and I’m here to tell you how to do the same, step-by-step.
How to get the man or woman you love to do anything you ask… All the time.
1) Be happy. You already have everything you could ever need or want: If that ain’t a reason to get happy I don’t know what is. If you’re already happy and content the odds of someone else messing that up are slim to none. And in case you didn’t know, one of the main reasons people won’t do what you ask is because they’re afraid of messing up. Because they care about you. When someone who is really happy asks me for something I get excited. You just know they’re asking for something that gives you a chance to do something awesome.
2) Never ask for anything that can’t be given freely. It really sucks to have someone ask you for something you can’t give. Happy people don’t do this to people they love. Asking and giving is a gift exchange between two people. Make them less or more powerful and you will make a mess. Imagine if someone you loved asked you to promise them something you had no power to give them? Your heart would be halfway broken. You might even resent them for putting you in that position.
Newsflash: People can’t give you feelings. They can’t give you themselves. They can’t give you an easy way out. So stop asking them to make you happy/feel loved/ feel secure. Stop asking them to be yours/ commit/ change. Stop asking them to cover for you/ fix this/ make your life easier. These are things which, if you had a handle on being whole, you wouldn’t need. And wouldn’t be asking of someone who was also whole.
3) Know the difference between what you need and want. Needs and wants are like apples and pork chops. They’re both food but boy are they different. They look different, are made-up differently, have different effects and tastes, and come from a different source. Usually our wants are coming from not having a grip on our happiness, or being with someone who doesn’t (which is a result of the former.) That’s why folks often want things they can’t have. Our needs can always be met. When we are whole, we can have everything we need, whenever we need it. When we’re not, our needs are endless and wants constantly unmet.
4) Know how to ask. The silliest question ever is, “Can I ask you a question?” It’s asking permission to do something self-permitted. You’ve already taken time by holding someone’s ear and the act of asking negated the answer. No adult has to do anything we ask. Sorry to break it to you. Not your son, your daughter, your wife, your husband, your maid, your boss, your life coach. Not one. People choose their actions. If the first item on this list is an issue for you, you may try to use any number of clever tricks to get people to do what you ask. You must also know those tricks don’t get them to do what you asked, they simply warp reality to make it seem your way is the best and only option. Manipulation shrinks everyone involved and no one wins. Remember this when asking and make sure the process is as kind, open and love-filled as possible. If you’re having such a bad moment you think it’s best to yell, curse, threaten and be angry when asking someone else to do something for you… Do both of yourselves a favor and be alone for a minute or 60…
5) Expect and receive only the best. When you’re whole, you know nothing but good is coming your way. Not because you’re delusional. Because you realize even the hard stuff is good ’cause you learn from it. When you’re broken, you might think you have to take the good with the bad. Then everything gets mixed up. Knowing you only deserve the good makes it easier to see what really is bad and keep it away from you. That’s all you get. That’s the best. When this is your reality, every thing you ask for will be the best. Every time anyone does what you ask, it will be the best.
At the end of the day, the answer to any question you ask may well be “no”.
When you really aren’t worried about getting “no” for an answer, you rarely will.
