Archive | May, 2012

Men: Real, grown-up superheroes.

31 May

I’m a 32 year-old woman surrounded by real men: My father and grandfather, best friend, brothers, friends and colleagues at work, home, church and life.

Beyond our very different individual relationships, they all have one thing in common:

They protect me.

So here I stand, a petite woman only 5 feet tall and backed by my circle of protection from real men, calling for your help:

Be a superhero:  Stand up.  Step forward.  Speak out.  LEAD.

Stop being lied to, manipulated, and cheated of your value and worth.

Real men aren’t sexy escorts with big bank accounts.  Real men aren’t violently angry druggies or drunkards.  Real men aren’t sex-slaves addicted to cheap encounters with sexy women, strippers, adulterers, porn or prostitutes.  Real men aren’t shallow, emotionally limited commitment-phobes who can’t and won’t speak up for themselves.  Real men don’t physically and emotionally abuse women.  Real men aren’t available to be twisted around the finger of the first Jezebel spirit to cross their path disguised as opportunity, pleasure, fame, money, love, friend, family… Or God.

Soon-to-be-real-men have a paralyzing fear of responsibility and do anything to distract themselves from it.

Men are meant to protect life’s most precious gift, mothers, daughters, sisters and women: Life.  

Real men are the protectors of life.  

Talk about superheroes.

So where are you?

Our grandmothers, daughters, sisters, and mothers are unprotected and suffering.  We are screaming, raped and broken.  We are crying, sold and bloodied and broken.  We are howling, beaten, and broken.  We are sobbing, filmed, paid and broken.  We are whispering, flirting, dancing and tipped and broken.  We are chasing, bedded, aching and broken.  We are sauntering, scantily-clad and desperate and broken.

We are all around you.

Your childhood friend, colleague, church member, salesperson, relative, facebook-friend, celebrity, and leader.

We are all around you, secretly begging for our lives.  For your protection.

Will you protect us?

Or are you only man enough to protect the easy ones: The women you truly love, who also truly love you back?

Will you man up, shake off silence, and fight for the women, who give birth to presidents, kings, queens, artists, and leaders… You?

Or will you imagine what my daughter looks like naked?  Will you tuck a five dollar bill into my mother’s thong and laugh?  Will you lure my little sister into your bed?  Will you buy my grandmother for sex?  Will you watch my little girl in a movie for your fleeting pleasure?  Will you punch me in the stomach and tell me you love me?  Will you destroy my baby by convincing her the best she can be is a five-second orgasm in a man’s life?

Yes, it is the same.

Every woman is someone’s true love.

We need you.

We aren’t desperate for those convenient relationships that allow the people in them to pretend a real man’s protection isn’t needed because the woman isn’t worthy of it.

We are desperate for real men.

The kind who won’t lie to themselves about what abuse really is, stand by silently when their brothers refuse to protect us, pretend it’s no big deal when men violate us, or refuse to commit their lives to protecting and honoring us.

Is it because of a fear that you won’t matter, that you don’t fight?  Is it because you can only do so much?

So much.

You can do so much.

Beginning with understanding.

There’s no such thing as a little bit or okay.

Understanding that if you could see your daughter’s face in every rape victim, sex slave, prostitute, stripper, conquest, or attractive woman…

Something in your stomach would stir.

Not lust.

Manhood.

The knowledge and unwavering understanding and commitment to your role as life’s protector.

Not the ex, the tipper, viewer, abuser, ogler, client, or purchaser.

You’re right.

You alone, can not change the world, nor can you protect every woman in it.

You are not alone.

Yes, of course there are men out there who think this is ridiculous, that no real man does this.  If they admitted this is true, wouldn’t they also have to admit they aren’t a real man, yet?

Please.

As a daughter, a grand-daughter, a great-great-granddaughter, an older and younger sister, the love of someone’s life… I beg you.

Find some superheroes.

Stand up.  Step forward.  Speak out.  LEAD.

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Remaining hope-filled: If it’s not good, it ain’t over yet.

29 May

This weekend, while absently allowing an advertisement to play, I heard a powerful quote: “It’s always good in the end.  So if it isn’t good, it isn’t the end yet.”
On Sunday May 27th, I listened to a friend of mine sing, tears springing forth as I listened to him pour out with passion and power,
“You hold my every moment,
You calm my raging seas.

You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease.

I trust in you.
I trust in you.

I believe
You’re my healer
I believe
You are all I need
I believe
You’re my portion
I believe
You’re more than enough for me…”

When I shared how moved I was with him afterward, my friend explained the day was the anniversary of his healing from a devastating medical condition that threatened to take his life.  Today, two years later, he’s an incredible dancer, singer and writer: An inspiration to me, to many.

Wherever you are, whatever you’re confronted with might seem insurmountable, impossible to cope with or overcome.

Here’s the thing: You’re alive.  You have life.  And life is always good, even if we can’t see it.

This is a reminder to be thankful for all you have, all you are.

This is a reminder that life is always good in the end. So if it isn’t good, it isn’t the end yet.

“In every death there is life.
This day two years ago (May 27, 2010) I almost lost my life; I almost died.
I was in the hospital a total of 40 days then another two weeks, had four major surgeries, 7 blood transfusions, heart failure, was in a coma for four days and awoke on a ventilator.
I went from 150lbs to 105lbs.
I had 16 feet of my small intestine cut out and now I have only 4 feet which technically isn’t enough for me to eat regular food and digest
YET HERE I AM LIVING A NORMAL AND HEALTHY LIFE.

I just want to share that God is amazing and miracles do exist.

Our lives represent God’s grace.

When we are willing to believe God can do anything.

When we make up in our hearts to live, even when death is knocking God does the impossible.

You never know what life will bring you but if you walk WITH God, you can be guaranteed a life worth living.”

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Purpose: Free-hand ink drawing

25 May

This vision came to me in my dreams.  An immovable, statuesque voice rooted in life, love, and God; A tool and weapon to be used for His purposes, advancing the message of goodness, truth, love and life through written and spoken word, song, and art.  This is my purpose.

Purpose, Free-hand Ink Drawing

© 2012 Tina Watkins

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The structure of a purpose-filled relationship

24 May

This interesting read reminded me of how important purpose-filled relationships are in life. 

A purpose-filled relationship is like standing on a diamond, rock-hard foundation, as one of two firm pillars of support under a beautiful, crystal vessel filled with the substance of life.

You see what’s above, and it’s worth the effort.

You don’t worry about where you stand because the foundation beneath you is unshakable.

When the vessel grows heavy, overflowing, you slide inward, away from the edges, and closer to your other pillar so the support is strengthened, centered, balanced.

You don’t give up because folding, quitting doesn’t make things easier. It crushes you, imbalances the other pillar, and threatens to destroy the whole structure.

In a purpose-filled relationship, you aren’t traipsing around satisfying yourself and seeking fun, buying love from the best seller.

You’re a part of a complex, beautiful, powerful structure that inspires those around you to build their own.

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Scrimps: Choose to find the good in everything.

23 May

Yesterday I shared fruit from my grapefruit tree with my overzealous young neighbors.

This morning I read a budget at work that referred to scrimps.

Last night, a stranger explained that the real depth and beauty of salsa lies in everything done between the major downbeats… A lot like life, isn’t it?

It would have been easy to be annoyed with my neighbor’s interruption of my quiet time. Instead I was happy to be able to share. Easy to find fault with my colleague’s misspelling. Instead I smiled and laughed. Easy to question the discouragement inherent in the stranger’s comment. Instead I saw the deeper significance.

These and others are recent reminders of how important it is to cherish life. Never take anything for granted. Nothing.

You may groan about needing to work out today, but what if tomorrow an injury or disease kept you from walking?

You may get sick of your family but what if this were the last moment you had with them?

Every day, every time we find ourselves giving in to the lie of frustration, the sickness of annoyance, we can flip the mental switch to say:

How can I look at this differently?

What’s good about it?

What’s funny about it?

What’s symbolic about it?

That way, we fill up our life memory-bank with goodness, joy, and wisdom.

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Mixed messages: Mean what you say.

22 May

I love babies.  They’re awesome.  If nothing else, you know exactly where they stand at all times.

It isn’t always that way with adults.  How often have you found yourself in a situation where someone said one thing and meant another?  Where they didn’t say a word, yet their actions spoke loud and clear?

With babies, there isn’t any confusion of signals, manipulation of outcome, talk belying behavior, guilt vindication, or personal offense avenged.

In this, babies are excellent communicators: Direct, clear, simple.

As adults, we often lose those critical elements of communication behind a mixed up cloud of intellect, social expectations, experiences, hurts, dreams, thoughts, agendas, feelings, language, fears and messiness… Then wonder why we’re misunderstood.

Nothing’s always perfect, and that’s ok.  Nothing’s always bad, and that’s ok too.

We aren’t responsible for others, nor can we control what they say or do.

What we are responsible for, what we can control, is what we say and do.

Your feelings show.  Your body language says something.  Your facial expressions communicate.  When what we say silently is misaligned with what we say out loud, it throws everything out of whack: None of it makes sense.

We can’t control which of those mixed messages  is received. Sending conflicting messages robs the receiver of the choice to engage with you fully: Because there’s no real exchange for them to opt into, only a confusing illusion.

Wouldn’t it be easier to communicate if we simply acknowledged what we were really feeling or thinking and were transparent about it?

Now, everyone won’t be open to hearing you say what’s really going on with you.  But at least you’ve been honest, and accepted responsibility for it.  Then, you’ve given the other person the choice, to opt in or out.

Our time, thoughts, messages are precious.  We should avoid wasting our own or someone else’s time in mis-communication.

We certainly aren’t robots, controlling our every eye-flutter and facial twitch.  But, as adults we ought to be able to recognize what we’re really saying.  And whether it’s what we really mean.

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Billboard music awards: Using gifts to do good.

21 May

I don’t watch TV.  A couple years ago someone stole my TV and I didn’t notice it was gone.

I do work hard to be intentional with my time, spending it with purpose, on things of real value.  The little TV I do watch is recorded so I can fast forward to the relevant parts.  Imagine my surprise when, while accidentally touching down in live television-land Pog* and I discovered the Billboard awards were on.

Generally, we’re both intense music-lovers and have high expectations of artists, using their talents to make the world a better place.  We were simultaneously appalled, entertained, and amused by what we saw between fast-forwards as you’ll see:

(Enter LMFAO)

Me: “Is this LMFAO?”

Pog: “Is that a dancing bear?”

Me: “Is that a dancing zebra? Oh lord, no. Oh wow.”

Pog: “That’s it, I need concert tickets. I laughed out loud.”

(Enter Kelly Clarkson)

Pog: “You want to watch Kelly clarkson?”

Me: “Wait, just wait…”

(Cue climax in music)

Me: “Oh… Well, see… I was hoping this moment would be better than what it is.”

(While fast-forwarding through awards for best social artist)

Me: “Eminem, Shakira, Rihanna, Lady Gaga… Justin Beiber!?!? What?!?!  That was awesome in fast motion.  They have nothing to do with each other.  That’s like showing Aretha Franklin, Lauryn Hill, Black Eyed Peas, Aerosmith… And the award goes to Taylor Swift.”

(Enter The Wanton)

Me: “The Wanton?  Thats so British.”

(After watching half the performance)

Me: “Wait, pause. I’m going to reenact this. Pose… Slow walk. Pose, slow walk. That’s it. That’s their entire performance.”

Pog: “Wait. Is there more? There’s gotta be more.”

(Watching on fast-forward)

Me: “I think he jumped.  Yeah, that’s it.”

(Enter Wiz Khalifa, momentarily catching the tail-end of an award)

Me: “What’s a Wiz Khalifa? Oh!  He’s like a Dr. Seuss character.

(Listening to his acceptance speech)

Me: “Yes, praise God! Wait, is that a cannabis leaf around his neck?”

(Enter Brandi)

Me: “Oh how cute! It’s like a natural weave.”

Pog: “HA!!! Is that… Like jumbo shrimp?”

(Enter Chris Brown)

Me: “Is that a bike?”

Pog: “Why is he on a scooter? Who is this?”

Me: “I don’t know. Lord help us.”

Pog:  ”He’s a grown-a$$ed man, why is he in a fun-house?”

Me: “And why does he look so angry?  Is that cheetah print fur on his collar?  He’s like Little Scruffy, all aggressive and amusing.”

Pog: “Yeah, there’s so much going on right now.  I’m confused.

Me: “And that bandanna is much more mammy than gangsta.  Are those dancing astronaut skulls?”

Pog: “It’s just so confusing.”

(Enter Natasha Bedingfield, with Donna Summer tribute)

We watched, impressed, until they interrupted the tribute montage with advertisements.

Me:  ”Sigh.”

(Enter Taylor Swift)

Me: “Oh lord. They just cut to commercial during the Donna Summer tribute, please tell me they’re not honoring this child.”

(Enter Linkin Park)
Pog: “I still can’t believe all music sounds the same nowadays, the beat is the same (he pounds his fist, mimicking a house beat) Doosh. Doosh. Doosh.  Doosh.

(As he stops, Linkin Park begins to play, Doosh. Doosh. Doosh. Doosh.)

Me:  ”Well, finally someone’s really singing.”

(Enter Justin Beiber)

Me: “Oh! It’s the Central Avenue chalk circle.”

(Cue deep, rhythmic bass line)

Pog: “The mid-adolescent white boy comes out with the bass?!?!?!”

Me: “It’s cause we’re old.”

(Enter Carrie Underwood)

Pog: “Who’s that?”

Me: “Big red dress number two.  Also known as Carrie Underwood.”

Pog: “Absolutely not.”

(While fast-forwarding)

Me:  ”That was so strange.  There was all this wind represented and not seen.”

Pog: “Wait, so let me get this straight.  So for the real dope beats I have to go to Justin Beiber. For the real dope singing I have to go to Linkin Park? I don’t know babe, this world is not for us.”

(Enter Katy Perry)

We watched in stunned silence until aerial artists began performing oddly lewd movements on stage.

Me: “Oh, sweet baby Jesus in the manger. What?”

Pog: “Are those two guys?”

Me: “That’s a guy and a girl, but still.”

Pog: “What are they doing?”

(Enter, as introduced, Ceelo Green and the Goodie Mob)

Pog:  ”It’s bone thugs… It’s not bone thugs.  Goodie Mob.”

We watched in stunned silence, awestruck by the incredible dancer, Saddened by everything else.

Pog: “Wow.  Just… Wow.  There’s nothing more disrespectful than… Wow.”

Me: “Lauryn Hill and the Fugees?”

Pog: “Yeah.”

Me: “He’s creepy.”

Pog: “I mean.  Soulfood. Who’s that creepin in my window. Pow. And they’re backup singers?”

Next came the upswing of the show, with Usher literally doing magic tricks while singing minimally (albeit well) and dancing all over the place.

This was followed up by John Legend and Jordin Sparks, who each sang beautiful tributes to the late music legend, Whitney Houston.

We debated the merits of making an iconic song your own, versus attempting to mimic the original artist’s performance and not quite meeting their standard.  I fell asleep minutes later so can’t comment on the rest of the show.  Hopefully it improved.

All in all, it was a startling look into how random and purpose-free the popular music scene is, and into what folks are choosing to market.  Fortunately and unfortunately, the right marketing can sell anything, so I refuse to believe fans are setting the standards for music nowadays.

I’m blessed to know and work with many talented musicians, who truly work with the intent to uplift humanity and better the world.  So when I see purpose-less work celebrated, it underscores how important it is to change the face of the entertainment industry.

Yesterday’s show was a great reminder that everyone has a different gift and none of them are random.  Know what talents you have, and use them.  It’s never too late.  Unearth and hone your talents, share them.

Always make sure the focus is in using them not to profit, to entertain, to self-promote, or to control, but to do good.

That’d be a great step toward making the world a better place.

*Pog stands for Powerful man Of God (the m is appropriately silent.)

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Choosing wisely, cherishing fully: What will you see when you look back on your life?

17 May

For mother’s day weekend I visited a dear friend who’s expecting her first born.  We celebrated with four generations of mothers, and the time spent was a valuable reminder of how precious time is: How important it is to be present, fully present in every moment.

Near the end of the trip, my friend shared wisdom relayed from an elder:

75 years goes by fast.  Faster than you think.  

What will you see when you look back on your life?

What we will remember fondly at 75 is a wonderful gauge for what is truly relevant right now.  We have to be careful not to fill our precious time with irrelevant activity: Equally careful to immerse ourselves in every moment so we get and give our best every step along the way.

Problem is, we have so much pulling at us, through instant email, news, phone calls, texts, and social media sites… Through family, friends, spouse, colleagues, hobbies, spiritual and personal development, leisure, and life… It is far easier to be a million miles away during any given moment.

Maybe the distance is in your thoughts, daydreams, plans, feelings, or worries.

Maybe it’s simply that you don’t want to be where you are in the present.

Whatever the reason, it’s up to us to make the most of every moment of every day of our lives.

That means you give everything you do your full attention, with no distractions.  And oh yes, it will be particularly difficult to do if you’re filling up your moments with pursuits, activities, or people you’re either disinterested in or incapable of giving your full attention.

So fix it.

Remind yourself constantly to let yourself go fully in every moment, drinking in the wonder of each sight, smell, interaction, message, and understanding.  When we do this, every moment is powerful, pushing us closer to our purpose.

Whenever you find you can’t let go fully and be present in the moment, ask yourself why.  What stands in the way of you being fully vested in something you’ve chosen, you control?

If it turns out you’ve chosen to spend your time in the wrong moments, simply opt out.

Redirect your presence so you can be around for your own life.

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Light musings on Obama and religious outcry…

10 May

During election season especially, American news media is like a Gossip Girl meets American Idol marathon.  Typically quiet viewers become reactive, violently opinionated, and hyper-engaged… Via social-media.  I learned to correct a dangerous flaw of mine recently.  I used to be cynical, judging fickle and uneducated voters, inconsistent and pandering politicians, and shallow, profit-driven news media.

It’s dangerous to entertain that mindset because our thoughts, our words have power.

No matter what you believe, the truth is nothing in life thrives in an environment that is negative, or “marked by features (as hostility, withdrawal, or pessimism) that hinder or oppose constructive treatment or development.”

How smart is it to think negatively, or curse what needs to grow and be blessed, so you and others can grow and be blessed by it?  Not very.

Have you ever been in a room with someone who was angry at you?  They don’t have to say a word.  You know good and darn well they’re upset.

Our thoughts matter.  Our disposition matters.

Yesterday Obama affirmed his support for gay marriage.

In a prime-time worthy twist, this called God into the spotlight, and unfortunately, shone particularly bright on those folks who don’t grasp who and what God really is.

God is not religion.  God is certainly not politics.  God is absolutely not judgmental.  God is love, pure, unadulterated and all-powerful.

Yet.  The outcry in His name?

It was soft in response to limiting voting rights; bigotry and slander on Capitol Hill;  Trayvon Martin’s killing; Human trafficking.  

The outcry was loud, judgmental, and hate-filled in response to marriage law interpretation; Zimmerman’s arrest; prisoner reform; immigration and citizenship reforms.

I can’t help but wonder what, exactly, are we doing?

For all its intricacies and wonders, life and love are very simple.

Life is good.  Love accordingly.  That is all.

Everyone and thing.  Children and babies and puppies and kittens.  Easy, right?  With the same heart, also love every single person you think would never, ever deserve to be forgiven, much less loved, under any circumstances.

You can.

It seems like, when we don’t really believe life is good, or don’t believe we can act like it’s good and love each other, stuff gets ever-so complicated.

Then, to absolve ourselves of the guilt caused by disbelief in ourselves and in the truth of life… We start carving out a neat little cubby hole of exception.  In there, it’s okay.

It’s all still okay in that little cubby hole of selective scripture, personal history, cultural difference and interpretation.  There, it doesn’t matter that on some level, we’ve begun to hate life and others…

And because of it, ourselves too.

It seems like claiming to have faith in God at the same time you demonize certain people is a lot like… Claiming you love your spouse and abusing your children.  Justify abuse however you want.

Something has gone terribly wrong.

Do you bristle when folks start throwing out scripture to make a point?  I do.  It’s because using scripture to argue is completely antithetical to its purpose and most of us, religious or not have great spirit-radar.  We know what’s wrong even if we don’t know why.

Sacred texts are full of spiritual laws, most of which are punishable by death, and have no modern-day counterpart.  But aren’t holy books more full of love?  Examples of forgiveness, redemption, understanding, hope and faith?

Love, forgiveness, redemption, understanding, hope, and faith, eternal and unchanging.

This is why it’s such fun to be a supreme optimist.  Optimism isn’t about pretending everything is rosy or perfect.  It’s about fully grasping the reality that life is in its very essence, good.  Optimism is about being a realist, grounded and understanding enough to see above the exceptions to the rule of life’s goodness.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Remain hopeful, and faithful, and love-filled.  We all woke up this morning and that means we’re still on the road to betterment.

Let your life, your words, your actions reflect it.

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On Health: Be the best-looking you, ever.

8 May

Recently there’s been a flurry of activity about a health-related article posted in the New York Times.  As I watch people I love struggle with their health and looks daily, sometimes winning and other times losing, I couldn’t be a silent onlooker.

At 32, I’m a healthy, active black woman at peace with who I am yet constantly striving to be a better me.  As for my looks, Pog* once said: “The hilarious thing is, you’re awesome enough that even if you looked like a troll I’d be head-over-heels in love with you… But then,  you’re hot enough that even if you acted like a troll I’d let it ride.  And you’re BOTH! I win.”

That’s a bit much isn’t it.  Suffice to say, he is attracted the God in my spirit, not the good of my looks.

You’ve heard it before and it’s true: Beauty is within.  It’s you, wrapped in and radiating love for yourself and everyone around you, trusting you’re divinely loved and protected.

I’m very particular about how I write, sing, dance because what we share in our art is spiritually relevant.  That’s why songs get us revved up or nostalgic, why certain colors and art pieces have different effects on our mood, why reading an angry letter or loving words makes an impact.

Today I’m shining light on two writers who paint true beauty perfectly and make me smile inside.  Stevie Wonder’s, Ebony Eyes and Maya Angelou’s, Phenomenal Woman.

She’s a Miss Beautiful Supreme 
A girl that others wish that they could be 
If there’s seven wonders of the world 
Then I know she’s gotta be number one 

She’s a girl that can’t be beat 
Born and raised on ghetto streets 
She’s a devastating beauty 
A pretty girl with ebony eyes 

She’s the sunflower of nature’s seeds 
A girl that some men only find in their dreams 
When she smiles it seems the stars all know 
Cause one by one they start to light up the sky 

She’s a girl that can’t be beat 
Born and raised on ghetto streets 
She’s a devastating beauty 
A pretty girl with ebony eyes 

When she starts talking soft and sweet 

Like birds of spring her words all seem to sing 
With a rhythm that is made of love 
And the happiness that she only brings 

She’s a girl that can’t be beat 
Born and raised on ghetto streets 
She’s a devastating beauty 
A pretty girl with ebony eyes 

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me. 

We’re not really caring for ourselves if we exercise and diet to get a six-pack, fit a dress, or stretch a t-shirt.  We’re caring for ourselves when everything we eat, drink, think, and do shows we love ourselves so divinely we’re overflowing with it.

No matter what you look like, you are absolutely stunning just as you are in this  moment.  Right now, you are at your very best.  Smile with that truth, and shine in it!

*Pog is a Powerful Man of God.  The m is appropriately silent. :)

Flowers are beautiful because they’re alive, they’re fruitful and perfect just the way they are.
Today, every day, honor this spirit of beauty within, for yourself and others around you.

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