Archive | August, 2012

The purposeful path: I want the knife (Remembering The Golden Child)

30 Aug

We’re all alive for a reason.  There is a purpose for each and every one of us.

When you figure out what your purpose is, the world shifts.  It’s particularly fun if you happen to be say, thirty years into the living game before you figure this out.

All of a sudden, stuff gets snatched away from you.  All of a sudden, wildly complicated catch-22 scenarios pile up around you.  All of a sudden, everybody and everything has some urgent, life-shattering stuff you need to deal with.  All of a sudden, your gifts (the weapons and tools you need to carry out your purpose) are dismantled.  All of a sudden, you get distracted from what that purpose is.

Then all of a sudden, just how dire and serious your purpose is body slams you back to reality.

You can’t help but smile because you know at the end of the day it’s all good.

And good is way bigger, badder, and craftier than bad.

So you keep moving forward, urgently, fervently.

Except this is what the path looks like.

Yep.

Ah-ah-ah-I want the knife.

For those unfamiliar, in this scene of the movie The Golden Child Eddie Murphy is going through intense trials, all while carrying without spilling, a glass of water supposed to match the purity of his thoughts.  The goal is to get to the weapon (a knife) that will protect The Golden Child, allowing him to live out his purpose.

(Spoiler alert) Ultimately, Murphy has to drink the water he carefully stewarded to get the weapon.

This is how important it is to care for our gifts.

This is how seriously we have to take our lives.

This is how critical it is for us to be ourselves and no one else.

This is how our walk in purpose looks: In the clip, he’s in a dark room cracking jokes with a glass of water in his hand, trying to balance on sticks.  Who does that?

Ultimately, he’s playing his part to save the world.

I know it’s Eddie Murphy.

But those pedestals, the importance of choosing the right step, is REAL.

There’s a ground, Monty!  Hitting it ain’t pretty.

What would your life look like if you approached every move you make in life as if you were stepping out on those pedestals, with the same kind of clarity defined by each step? There’s not much space to be a little off.

Do watch the movie, it’s awesomely hilarious.

Enjoy your day. :)

Share the good stuff: Own your impact by reflecting goodness.

29 Aug

I haven’t written in a while.  Usually stuff just pours out of me.

Stuff.  Recently stuff has been very quiet inside.  Silenced stuff that didn’t seem relevant or worthy.

Well.

We are always worthy. 

Last year a really challenging season showed me I didn’t like writing about stuff that wasn’t happy.  I sucked it up and wrote about overcoming.  In reflection, my experience was valuable.  Everything we see is a reflection, light bouncing off a form to give it shape according to our understanding.  Depending on how we look at it, we may see the same thing differently.

Reflection: The Pacific Ocean seen through the Olde Port Inn on the Avila Beach Pier

Life is always relevant.  

Last night I dreamed of wandering through an urban, neglected landscape.  As I walked through the glaring sunshine in dry heat, the neighborhood gradually grew more desolate.  The roads were unpaved, buildings rare and ruined.  The few people I saw as I rounded corners were broken and dazed, ravenous for whatever death tonic was keeping them alive, whether it was money, sex, confrontation, or drugs.  One by one, in subtle and different ways they noticed me.  What I saw looking back at me was scary.  A reflection of the dying human spirit.

Aware, alone and afraid I turned back the way I’d come, sinking lower as I looked for life: Growing desperate as it eluded me.  Suddenly a brightly knit fabric in gold, crimson and green caught me, and I saw a small cluster of men with locked hair, chatting animatedly.  My spirits lifted and we acknowledged each other in warm, polite greeting.  Thankfulness filled me and I continued my journey home.

We always have something to share. 

Reflecting on the dream, the only reason my spirits lifted when I saw those folks was an inherent understanding they meant me no harm.  The simple human connection of eye contact, a smile and warm spirit lifted and encouraged me.  How devastated would I have been had they turned and left upon my approach?  As I did in the face of fear?  How let down were the folks who noticed me approaching and surely noticed my fearful retreat?  I saw in those men a reflection of who I could be, simply by being.

Some years ago, a light bulb went off when a homeless man paid me a sweet compliment when I smiled genuinely at him: “Thank you sister, that smile is a blessing in itself.  God bless you.”  

I’d written off similar comments as polite come-ons in the past but that day I understood:  How hurtful is it when people won’t even make eye contact with you?  When they dishonor and disrespect you and themselves by averting their eyes, pretending you don’t exist even peripherally?  What purpose is served by scowling in the mirror at your own reflection?

You never know what another human’s need is in any given moment.  

When I went camping with my family recently, we slept in tents, had to pay for showers and use public restrooms.  On waking early, only to wait in a long line for the restroom and a longer line to wash my hands, I was one tiny, testy, trifling, trivial, too-through Tina.  For a grand total of ten minutes.  The spell was broken by an exceptionally cheerful fellow camper I passed on the way back to my tent.  As she approached, eyes bright with a smile on her face and offered a lilting “Good morning!”  I didn’t have the heart to crush her joy with my scowling frustration over poor potty time.  I mustered a genuine smile and greeting, laughed to myself about how childish I was being, and remarked on how immediate the impact of that simple, joyful countenance was.  I mirrored her reflection.  

We don’t have the right to choose who’s worthy of human decency.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing makes an impact.

Whether you mean it or not.

Be aware.  Be connected.

Make sure your impact is helpful and encouraging to others making their own impact.

The Substance of style: How to be an Olympic Gladiator in a suit

10 Aug

When I was a little girl I knew I was an artist, singer, and fashion designer early on.  Cartooning, a heavy vibrato, and obsessive development of my crayon-infused design portfolio were dead giveaways.

Growing up in a family of activists in an impoverished community left little room for me to explore and embrace the depths of substantive style and artistry.

I get it now.

The way you appear can and should be not only a celebration of who you are, but of purpose, of life and the privilege of rising again, able to clothe yourself in your daily armor.  We’re used to thinking of warriors in steel head-to-toe suits.

Well.

If you’ve been watching the Olympics you’re aware some folks are gladiators in pink sparkles.  Others in speedos.  Others in catsuits, flowery leotards, shorts and tanktops with super-legs to run on.

Olympic competition is their purpose.  They gear up accordingly.

For some of us, our purpose may be being changing lives through business, community work, law, medicine, writing, leadership, health, family, art, or education.  There is no higher or lesser calling: Whatever is your unique purpose is equally important.

For all of us, that means we have to prepare and gear up daily just as an Olympian does.  During competition, every detail from hair, grooming, footwear and clothing is an intentional choice made to enhance performance, optimize competitive edge and advance toward the goal.

I caught glimpses of the open water swim this morning.  Certain my purpose doesn’t involve marathon swimming in green water.  More power to them.

It does however, involve using my voice, written and spoken words, art, style, personality, dance, and life to eradicate injustice by spreading true, Godly love.

Mmmkay.

So how the heck do I suit up for that?

For starters I (like we all do or should), make sure to look good, defined as healthy, well-groomed, appropriate, intentional, comfortable, and expressively, uniquely, you.

I also work to stay physically and spiritually fit, avoid sickness and showcase my style in whatever arena I’m privileged to work in.

Showcasing our style is our version of gearing up, the same way an Olympian would.

Here’s how you suit up:

1. How are you feeling? In pain, happy, sad, determined, excited, angry, alone, tired, hurt… This will affect your performance.  Acknowledge it and if it’s negative, think about how that can be corrected or used to your advantage.  This should show in your gear.

 

2. What is the event?  Whether it’s time with the family, a political meeting, housework, festival, formal dinner, performance, casual work, exercise, salsa dance, shopping, vacation, or sick time… Know what you’re gearing up to do.

 

3. How will it impact your body?  Carefully consider your unique needs in that moment, whether it’s a sore left ankle, particular body type, injured arm, or newly toned limbs.  Also consider if you’ll be standing or sitting for long periods, being physically active, in front of a large audience, in extreme weather, etc..

 

4. Who will be there?  Olympians dress and behave completely differently in practice with coach than they do at finals.  Think about who will be around.  Bankers, friends, strangers, preachers, neighbors, kids…  Practice gear is different than show uniform.

 

5. How do you suit up?  

  • Pick a general type:  Olympic practice, warm-up, competition, award ceremony or interview?  Start by deciding what kind of outfit you’ll need, whether casual, formal, business casual, exercise, beach, cocktail, or other.  Focus on that part of your wardrobe.  No use sifting through business suits for a beach party…  Necessarily.

 

  • Choose a Base:  Given your feelings, event, needs and audience, start with the base which covers you completely: Either a combo of shirt/ sweater with shorts/ pants/ skirt, a jumpsuit, or dress.  Don’t wear a short tight dress if you need to be active, and don’t feel like self-adjusting constantly.  Wear a base that accommodates how you feel, where you going, what your body needs and who will see you.

Black dress with cork wedges and tan wrap for a work presentation.

 

  • Choose a layer: Even in the warmest climates weather shifts.  Whether you need to adjust for increasing heat or cold, add a weather layer.  This might be a heavy coat and sweater, light cardigan or breezy wrap.  It doesn’t have to be neutral either.  High-contrast colors, especially with bright solids are fun.  Lay these out together so you can see colors and fabrics overlapping.

Layered a denim jacket and wraps over a long dress with knee-high boots for a (Cali) winter stroll.

 

  • Select shoes: With that in mind, select your shoes based on feelings, needs, event, and audience. Maybe you’ll be sitting all day but broke your toe.  Choose wisely.  Again, don’t be afraid to go bold.  Shoes do not have to match your belt and bag perfectly.  They just have to work with your other outfit elements.  And make you smile when you glimpse your feet. :)

Festive. :)

 

  • Choose a purse:  Keeping the 1-4 in mind, pick something that accents or blends with your outfit. Be mindful of the size, utility and look.  Chain link straps on hot summer days are dangerous.  Sequined bags in board meetings are distracting.  Always, choose to express yourself.
  • Accessorize: Now for the extra fun.  With your outfit so far in mind, pick jewelry and hair accessories to express how you feel.  Olympic synchronized swimmers and gymnasts accessorize with makeup to accent their face, an expressive part of performance.  Others die hair, wear unique haircuts, tattoos or jewelry.

Vibrant scarf, bold necklace and chunky earrings accent a flowy white dress for work.

 

  • Accessory selection:  Most important, accessories draw attention to what’s displaying them, so know what complements you.  Be risky.  Wear all black with bright, heavy layers of colorful jewelry.  Contrast colors.  Layer up rings or bracelets.  Wear a bright flower or sparkling band in your hair.  Be delicate and sweet or bold and powerful.

 

Other tips and encouragement:

Shopping tips

Clothing etiquette

Wardrobe basics

Lightening up the mood at work on a big deadline day.

Have a beautiful, awesome day being YOU!

Can’t vs. Won’t: Where ability and willingness collide to create roadblocks.

1 Aug

Constant self-development is a fascinating feature.  Every moment you find yourself uncovering something new and different… And when that isn’t happening, you find yourself wondering, “Why not?”

That’s the question.

What’s stopping you?  

At what point did you get bound up, blindfolded, gagged, deafened, starved, hobbled, isolated and disoriented to the point where you just can’t?

That hasn’t happened yet and never will.

What happens instead, is that you won’t.

Can’t is the state of being unable and willing.  
Won’t is the state of being able and unwilling.
When you let ability and willingness collide they form roadblocks in your life, a halting confusion of self-deceit that keeps you from moving forward.
How ridiculous is that?
I mean, can’t you just picture a 4 year-old crying incessantly and pitching a fit and hurting themselves because they want chocolate… But refuse to get up to grab the Godiva on a silver platter on the table?
Everyone’s problems look insurmountable to them, while they’re happening: Otherwise, they wouldn’t have a problem.
Maintain perspective and remember there’s more.  And nothing can stop you.
There is nothing in life that will prevent you from realizing your purpose.  In fact, things will align for you as you start to progress toward it.  Yes, you will meet with violent opposition too, but as that happens you’ll have increasing capacity to overcome.

There’s nothing you can’t do, only things you won’t do.

There is plenty in you that will prevent you from realizing your purpose.  Feelings of guilt, shame, fear, doubt, rejection, inadequacy will lock you up and throw away the key.  Why bind and limit yourself?

Let it go.

Get out of your way.

Stop magnifying things you won’t do and calling them impossibilities.

Quit pretending “you don’t feel like it” is a big deal, or any excuse not to live your dreams.

Get down to business.

You are willing and able.

You can and will.

Go.

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