Tag Archives: friends

Empowering choice with affirmation: Accept only who and what affirms your best you.

9 Jan

Most of us spend too much of our lives surrounded by stuff we don’t feel we can really choose for ourselves.  Partly because we feel forced to choose from a limited selection among family, school, friends, work, or church.

When we finally reach a place where we recognize our decisions are truly our own, options limitless, it’s freeing.

The idea of saying “Yes” to something new and purposed for the best you is encouraging and life-affirming.  It’s huge and all too rare to fully embrace change, for the better.  Some folks never do.  Once you have, it’s equally important to reject static, for the best.

That’s tough.  The idea that your “Yes” also needs to be reinforced and empowered by saying “No” to things that are old and not purposed for the best you, is daunting.

And, you’ll have few advisers to turn to.

If all you do is say “Yes” the clutter of old and new, bad and good, stagnant and fresh, random and purposed… Emboldened by the chatter of non-advisers in the quiet of limited counsel will weaken your resolve and cloud the clarity of change you embraced.

It’s not easy.  If everyone embraced change, then even if you didn’t say “No” and take that critical step to reject and remove clutter, folks around you might steer you back on track.

That ain’t the case.

Instead, it’s far more likely that in the middle of your challenging and radical  transition everybody will have some unsolicited criticism and advice to offer you about you.

While they remain unchanged.

Saying “Yes” to change and new advisers without saying “N0″ to habit and old advisers is like trying to pretend one termite-infested piece of wood won’t infest the entire structure you’re building… And expecting the pest-control guy to tell you the truth about whether that piece will matter.

So we have to regularly remind ourselves that what we have, and who we are is rare and wonderful.  Actively choose to be around people who affirm that instead of those who question and judge the improved, unfamiliar you.

Actively choose to be around people who are constantly seeking to learn about you, because they assume you’re constantly growing and evolving…

Because they are too.

Actively reject people who cling in fear to the past, investing time and resources in the sequel, depleting your time and resources in the process.

Your life is not an uninspired pop song.

It is purposeful, new, changing, confident, challenging, fresh, and refreshing.

Whenever something random, old, inflexible, insecure, easy, stale and tiring  comes along, don’t hesitate to say “No.”

Because when that something has eaten away the foundation of your new structure, it will return with lies of worry about how you will recover, to keep you comfortable in need.  Projecting judgment and unhappiness disguised as jokes, concern and care for you.

As you go about making choices, remembering you have unlimited options and resources, ask yourself:

  • Am I working with the best architect or advisers?
  • Am I using the very best building material?
  • Am I choosing the best design?
  • Am I building to weather the storm or bask in the sunshine?

That poor direction, rotted wood, misplaced weight-bearing wall,  or hurricane will tear everything up at the worst time:  When you need to depend on it most. It’ll crumble before your eyes.

Your best you, won’t be easy, readily accessible, inexpensive, or unoriginal.  That means your advisers won’t be any of those things either, because they have to be the best.

If an architect offered to design, build and pay for your dream home, but you realized they’d never built anything, and tend to leave a mess in their wake when they try…

Would you see the truth that you deserve and will have the best, then follow the signs they’re the wrong one to build with?  Or would you believe the lie that they have a once-in-a lifetime opportunity and jump at the chance?

That’s what happens when, broken, we desperately take what broken folks offer.

When you’re whole you don’t run around trying to fix other people or expecting them to fix you.  And you don’t desperately accept anything from any broken body who offers stale thinking about you or anything in your life.

As you embrace change and newness,  think of rejecting static and staleness as only accepting, hearing, and responding to the truth: That’s all you’ll get or give with your best advisers.

Why settle for less when you’re the one who has to live with the consequences?

  • Get comfortable saying “No” without compromise.
  • Get comfortable saying “Because this is better for me” with sincerity.

Every second of every minute of every hour of every day, practice knowing and loving yourself enough to choose who and what affirms your best you.

Gifted part 2: Honoring men who embrace and share their gifts.

10 Jul

Over the weekend, some girlfriends and I had a stirring conversation about authority, and how differently we communicate when we embrace authority.  We also acknowledged how intimidating it can be to know the awesome responsibility that comes with it.

As I continue the never-ending journey of self-discovery, there are several awe-inspiring, beautiful souls who motivate me, and changed who I am for the better: People who walk with authority, who boldly and courageously follow their purpose in full surrender.

Some of these beautiful souls are women, writers and professionals I’m privileged to call my friends, who prompted me to honor their gifts in this forum.

Today, this post will honor some brilliant, powerful, talented men who are fearless and commanding leaders, a blessing to all.

These men impact the lives of thousands of people and through their struggle and guiding light, are making the world a better place.

But let me assure you…

At some point every single one of these formidable men was a little boy playing with toys, whose wildest dreams didn’t compare to the vision of their lives now.

Timothy Watkins.  

His father Ted was a civil rights leader and activist who migrated to California from Mississippi at 13, fleeing a lynch mob.  Tim is the leader of the Watts Labor Community Action Committee, a non-profit in Watts Ted founded in 1965.  WLCAC helps more than 30,000 homeless, elderly, impoverished, unemployed people every year.  Tim is my daddy and friend, an amazing father, musician, carpenter, mechanic, artist, leader and man who I learn from every day.

Learn more about Tim’s work at WLCAC.

Pastor Touré Roberts (PT):

The movement PT started changed my life on February 14th, 2010.  Before then, I scoffed at church.  Since then, I’m slowly uncovering the truth through his leadership, membership, and ministry, which is about life.  Love.  Power.  Purpose.  Strength.  Joy. Peace.  The deadly-serious, love and life-filled prophetic messages he shares and Godly example he sets has freed and empowered me to live fully… And I rightfully thought I was living it up pretty strong before.  PT is the founder and leader of One Church International, and the Artist Resource Center (ARC) in North Hollywood and has a phenomenally talented family.  And he’s flippin’ hilarious.  Who quotes Suga Free in church?

Learn more about PT’s work at One Church and the ARC.

Jason Mitchell:  

There are friends you feel you’ve known forever.  Who leave no doubt there are no coincidences in this world, no random connections.  A photographer, community activist, spiritual leader and motivational speaker, Jason is a force to be reckoned with.  I’m inspired by his life, excited to see how his journey continues to unfold.

Learn more about Jason’s photography.

Travis Townsend:  

Travis is using his talent as a communicator and young attorney to change the way people understand the law and break the cycle of incarceration for young people of color.  He built his own practice in Atlanta, is an active community leader, speaker, volunteer, mentor, and co-author of the groundbreaking book, When the Cops Come Knocking, an instructional guide to criminal law using laymen’s terms.  He’s definitely one of those guys who leave you wondering whether you really optimized your time today.

Learn more about Travis’ law firm or book.

PeQue Brown:  

It is extremely rare for someone to be born a talented visual artist, leader, singer, visionary and pastor.  It’s even more rare to meet and work with such a person.  PeQue is all those things and more, and his unique ministry, LIQUID, uses live mural painting, song, dance, spoken word, acting, and hip hop to transform lives all over the world. 

Learn more about LIQUID.

Gabriel Roland:

I’ve been singing for over thirty years.  Only last year did I realize my singing had the power to change my own life and others through worship.  This realization came in part because of Gabe, who’s had the privilege of being mentored by PT.  His commitment to excellence, exemplary guiding force and leadership for the most powerful music ministry I’ve ever heard, has truly transformed the way I saw my own gifts, and helped me grow as a singer, person and leader.  Not to mention, he’s got a fantastic voice, is an amazing songwriter, pianist and guitarist, cuts a mean rug…

And generous spirit he is, his mix tape is online.

$Free.99

Hear Gabe’s music.

Nathan Fluellan:

This man lives for a living.  I mean, he travels the world experiencing different cultures and lifestyles, and has made it his purpose to share that with others.  He has a genuine love for people and appreciation of life that shows in everything he does, whether it’s flying an airplane, leading karaoke (singing is not Nathan’s purpose), running with the bulls in Barcelona, or ascending mountains in Cape Town.

Learn more about Nate’s company, World Wide Nate.

Jaime Guerrero:

Like jewelry making, glassblowing is an extremely rare and expensive art form.  Few artists learn the craft, and even fewer use it to facilitate social change and impact the lives of those less fortunate.  Through his work with Tim at WLCAC, Jaime is diligently using his passion for the dangerous and beautiful art form to turn life around for kids in Watts who had no idea they could become expert glassblowers… Much less put their talents to the test.  Jaime’s sculptures deal with symbols of Chicano culture that resonate with youth living in poverty all over the country.

See Jaime’s work here.

Ebenezer Quaye:  

Ebenezer is an admirable man, friend, teacher, actor, writer, singer, dancer, cook, and baker.  He has the most powerfully insightful understanding of human nature I’ve ever seen, and an enormous heart.  He shares inspiring meditations on scripture daily.  His approach to life and presence within mine necessitated self-evolution in ways I didn’t know were possible.  I’m a different, and better person in part, because of him.  Ebenezer is a living example:  The way we live our own life can change someone else’s for the better.

A living example.

Not one month ago, the healthy, vivacious spirit below was diagnosed with a life-threatening condition: Multiple blood clots in both lungs.  Came out of nowhere, had no explanation.  How did he take it?

As a sign of God’s plan for greatness in his life:  Ordinary people aren’t targeted for assassination.

Read Ebenezer’s daily inspirational messages here.

Every single one of these men are living their lives with the intent and purpose that comes with knowing every life, every day, every hour matters.

These men are shining beacons of God’s light and glory, beautiful examples inside and out, of what we can achieve when we MOVE, fearless and without shame, FORWARD.

Do what you love.

Don’t be afraid of the responsibility that comes with authority.

Don’t forget:

You never know how a small part of your life is making a big difference in another’s.

Be encouraged.

Gifted: Honoring others who embrace and share their gifts

25 Jun

When I sing, I completely abandon myself and transcend to another level of being.  For most of my life, I denied this and other talents, refusing to be put in a box as a singer, writer, artist, fashion designer, dancer, cook, or anything else on the shelf.  None of it fit.  I realize now, all of it does.  For some of us, embracing our talents and sharing our gift with the world comes later in life, for others early.  No matter your journey, be encouraged!

Every minute, everyday, you have a new chance to make your gift useful.

This morning, I was struck by an exquisite onslaught of wisdom from a cadre of young, beautiful, and talented friends of mine.  As I experienced the evidence of their shining talent I thought and felt, deep within:

Ah.

Guess what the names of these wonderful ladies are?

Khalilah

Lisa

Tilesha

Shaun-Teka

ChéLa

Crescent.

Oh, you thought I was flattering and biased?  These women are truly beautiful inside and out, they are well-educated, awesome human beings who inspire me.

Loveliness defined:

Ah- Used to express delight, relief.

Ent- Combining form: inner : within.

Today, I honor them by encouraging you to visit their expressions on life, well-being, love, joy, politics, and more.

Here are six gifts, for you, for free!

Khalilah

Lisa

Tilesha

Shaun-Teka

ChéLa

Crescent

Enjoy!

Remaining hope-filled: If it’s not good, it ain’t over yet.

29 May

This weekend, while absently allowing an advertisement to play, I heard a powerful quote: “It’s always good in the end.  So if it isn’t good, it isn’t the end yet.”
On Sunday May 27th, I listened to a friend of mine sing, tears springing forth as I listened to him pour out with passion and power,
“You hold my every moment,
You calm my raging seas.

You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease.

I trust in you.
I trust in you.

I believe
You’re my healer
I believe
You are all I need
I believe
You’re my portion
I believe
You’re more than enough for me…”

When I shared how moved I was with him afterward, my friend explained the day was the anniversary of his healing from a devastating medical condition that threatened to take his life.  Today, two years later, he’s an incredible dancer, singer and writer: An inspiration to me, to many.

Wherever you are, whatever you’re confronted with might seem insurmountable, impossible to cope with or overcome.

Here’s the thing: You’re alive.  You have life.  And life is always good, even if we can’t see it.

This is a reminder to be thankful for all you have, all you are.

This is a reminder that life is always good in the end. So if it isn’t good, it isn’t the end yet.

“In every death there is life.
This day two years ago (May 27, 2010) I almost lost my life; I almost died.
I was in the hospital a total of 40 days then another two weeks, had four major surgeries, 7 blood transfusions, heart failure, was in a coma for four days and awoke on a ventilator.
I went from 150lbs to 105lbs.
I had 16 feet of my small intestine cut out and now I have only 4 feet which technically isn’t enough for me to eat regular food and digest
YET HERE I AM LIVING A NORMAL AND HEALTHY LIFE.

I just want to share that God is amazing and miracles do exist.

Our lives represent God’s grace.

When we are willing to believe God can do anything.

When we make up in our hearts to live, even when death is knocking God does the impossible.

You never know what life will bring you but if you walk WITH God, you can be guaranteed a life worth living.”

Choose who you like carefully: You become like them.

18 Apr

I heard a line yesterday that stirred me:

“Do you really want to be like him?”

The question was posed in the context of a budding romantic relationship and was so simple.

When we choose to be intimately involved with someone as a friend or life companion, we have to choose carefully.

Too often, because we’re focused on immediate gains, we never stop to consider a simple truth:  When we like someone, we are attracted to something in them, that we want for ourselves.

We are subconsciously seeking to become like them.

Now, that’s awesome if your heart and spirit are pointed in the right place: Then you’re always attracted to someone’s Godliness and everything’s all good.

We’re not perfect and that’s not always the case.

Ask yourself whether you want to be like the person you choose to spend so much time with.  Because you will become like them.  The first thing you should then wonder is how well you really know a person.

Are there things you don’t want to know about?

Are those things you don’t want to see in them?

Or are they things you don’t want to see in yourself?

As much as you’re saying you want to be like someone by being with them, ignoring or blinding yourself to the truth of who they are is also blinding yourself or ignoring the truth of who you are.

Operating on the truth that your intimate relationships become ones of likeness on some level… You’re saying “I want to become like you” when you form a relationship.  And it’s smart to own up to exactly what you’re saying you want.

Do you really even know the person, and what does that say about your shallow attraction?  The things you want might seem like they’re in someone, when really, they’re nothing like who you are meant to be.

Remembering you are opting in to being like someone else eliminates the blurry waters we wade about in relationships when we say parts of a person can be kept or lost, changed or tolerated.

Who do you want to be like?

Who don’t you want to be like?

Answer these questions for your relationships and you’ll find a sense of clarity and meaning for them pretty quickly.

If you’re attracted to people who do things you believe in our spirit you don’t want to… Maybe they’re placed in front of you to highlight you aren’t as as aligned as you thought.

We should always strive to be the highest versions of ourselves, and to surround ourselves with folks who do the same, and see us as such.  With our focus always on the highest potential of life we keep our priorities straight.

Whose likeness are you ready to be formed in?

The shield of friendship

21 Mar

Last night I dreamed I was in a foreign country, sitting in a park at sunset with a great friend.  In the distance, someone approached and I sensed they meant to come between us.

As the person grew closer, I kept them in my line of sight, aware but never alarmed.  My friend never noticed them advancing and I never alerted them.

Eventually, the person was standing right next to us.  My friend still hadn’t noticed them.  When this person realized they held no one’s attention and saw how close our bond of friendship was, they turned and disappeared silently.

Rather than worrying about your challengers, engaging with them, or burning energy strategizing their defeat, nurture your relationships with your allies.  Stay full of who and what gives you strength, wisdom, power, love and peace.

When you have surrounded yourself with truth, with powerful love and friendship it creates an impenetrable shield that keeps those who seek to harm you away.

Truth, love and friendship act as an army that walks with us at all times, staring down those who would oppose us.

Know me by heart.

23 Feb

Someone I love deeply used the phrase, “know by heart” recently and my soul stirred.

That is truth.

We are lucky to see the power in loving each other for the best version of ourselves.  Loving someone for the most divine version of who they are is the hardest to do and best to achieve.

The idiom, know by heart springs from the idea that the heart is the origin of all feelings and store of all memories.  Having memorized something perfectly means it is known by heart.  And what does it mean to memorize, to remember?

Memory is an image or impression of one that is remembered, brought to mind, thought of again, recollected…  Brought back to the level of conscious awareness.  Reminding oneself of something temporarily forgotten.

Knowing by heart means you have brought something back to mind, back to the level of conscious awareness perfectly.

The force of the Most High, energy, life is all things, undying and unending.  So isn’t all love a memory rekindled?  That’s why true love feels like a joyous new memory for the heart: Familiar, new, profound and infinite all at once.

Know me by heart.

Love is a memory recollected.  Brought back to the level conscious awareness.  Conscious human awareness.

When we memorize perfectly… When we know perfectly, love perfectly, we know and love by heart.  We see past the mind, the ego, the body, the world and into one another’s heart.  In our hearts is where our humanity rests.

When we love from that place our relationships are unshakeable, all-powerful.

I am thankful for those in my life who know and love me by heart and grateful for those I’m able to honor in the same way.

Daily Motivators (Nov-Jan)

3 Feb

2/2/12: Live well

There is someone you rarely think of, whose life you’ve changed by existing.

They may be a family member, lifelong friend, coworker or person you passed on the street.  What would you do differently knowing others were looking to your life for guidance in their own? What in your life sets an unsafe example for others to emulate?

If we each lived in the responsibility and excellence of leadership we’d be far less starved for moral aptitude in the world.

Live well.  Be excellent at everything you do

2/1/12: Resistance

In archery, the bow is drawn to build up resistance so the arrow can fly farther, faster.  Sometimes the bow needs to be strengthened to propel the arrow toward the target.  When our vision is met with resistance, instead of questioning yourself, get prepared and dig in.    

Recognize resistance as the drawing of the bow.

1/31: Touchdown!

If the running back slows to battle with every defensive player they run up against they’ll never reach the goal.

In our lives, the defense chasing after us might be work, family, friends, enemies, old habits, self-defeating or self-indulgent mindsets.  How much of our progress is slowed, how much of our energy drained by battling with these defensive players we should be running around and past toward our goals, our purpose, our happiness?

Let’s recognize quickly what we need to avoid and move past so we can move in purpose and with speed towards the end goal.

1/26: Investment Returns

They say be careful in choosing to argue with a fool: It will be unclear whether you’re agreeing or arguing.  They say show me your closest friends:  They’ll show you who you are. 

At best our relationships at work, home, with family and friends will advance, improve and challenge us. At worst they will stifle, stagnate, and spoil us.  Be selective with yourself: There is nothing wise or fruitful about burning time, energy or resources.  Know where your best relationships are, and make sure they receive more time, energy and resources.  Investing otherwise is buying losing stock.

 

1/25:Who’s bad?

I once came home from vacation to find my home burglarized.  I got a piece of chocolate cake and sat on the porch, thanking God I wasn’t home when it happened.  

Many of my friends have been laid off, excited to have a season close with a blank slate and open opportunities before them.  

There are no bad days, bad meetings, bad times, bad meals, bad company, bad sessions, or bad moments.  There are bad dispositions.  

You can always, in every scenario take the time to reset yourself and remember your life is your play.  You choose how your character performs in every scene.  That can be rewritten instantly, any time and is only up to you for approval.  The scene may be different next time the curtain rises and you choose how you’ll fit in.    

“There is a good side and a bad side to most people, and in accordance with your own character and disposition you bring out one of them and the other will remain a sealed book to you.” -Mark Twain

1/23: Wei Wu Wei

Action of non-action.

Every time we react to a circumstance, person, thing, or condition we are at once strengthening that thing or person and at the same depleting ourselves.  It’s more powerful to choose a course of action or inaction, than to chart the path of reaction.

Let’s learn to discern the difference between what’s worth our time and what isn’t.

Invest wisely.

1/19: Grasping at Shadows

“Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.” -Aesop

If you find yourself caught driving at high speed in the fog, you slow down immediately and focus on the markers of the road.  Chasing dreams and fighting hard to achieve life’s vision is one of life’s most noble pursuits.  If you find your vision hazy, your dream clouded, slow down.  Make sure you have the right substance within your grasp.

1/19: Distraction

Distract: Verb, to cause to turn away from.

Have you ever been violently distracted, only to realize you were fighting against something better for you than you could comprehend?

Most of the time, our resistance, distraction, lack of focus is a spotlight if we adjust perspective, and realize it’s shining on something we’ve turned away from.

 

1/12/12: Listen and Do

Listen

archaic: to give ear to : hear

1: to pay attention to sound

2: to hear something with thoughtful attention : give consideration 

3:to be alert to catch an expected sound  

The first duty of love is to listen.” -Paul Tillich

How much do we pay attention?  How alert are we?  How thoughtful and considerate are we?  Human expression is the first and most powerful step towards interacting with another: We’ve all felt the sting of silence.  When one speaks, we honor them and ourselves by give nothing less than an alert, attentive, thoughtful, considerate ear.  

The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.

The second duty of love is to do.  How do our actions reflect our spirit?  How does our inaction bind it?  How much have we allowed to get in the way of our doing?  A loving touch for a stray dog or warm blanket for a kitten is more powerful than the very gift of life to a loved one from someone with  bad intent.  

1/10: Relax

…Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns… Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even the most opulent king in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 

Our day may be bright or gloomy; We may be well-rested or tired; We may have a million dollars in surplus or debt; We may be bathing in familiar warmth and comfort or rocked by cold and watery waves of change… All of it is simply our circumstance.  What will you be happy with?  What will you need to sustain you and what are you fighting a losing battle for?  Let nature remind you of how perfectly we are provided for, and let yourself relax.

Matthew 6:25

1/6: Discipline

“Loving a child doesn’t mean giving in to all his whims; to love him is to bring out the best in him, to teach him to love what is difficult.”  -Nadia Boulanger

There’s a lot to be learned about life and love from children: Discipline is not among those lessons.  As adults, it’s hard as heck to accept discipline as we’ve come to know it: Punishment, enforcement, control.  In fact, if we adjust our lens, we can embrace discipline in its Latin origins: Teaching, learning, perfecting.  When faced with the challenge to battle for what’s wise instead of what’s easy, let wisdom win out.   

“Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself.”  -Abraham J. Heschel

1/1: Who knew?

“There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth. Not going all the way and not getting started.” -Buddha

Two years ago, if you were to explain the who, what, when, where, why and how of the past 48 hours of your life, how would you respond?

The beauty of life is continuously unfolding change, newness unimagined.

Look forward to 2012, 2014.

12/30/11: Rock and Roll

“The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing.  He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.” -Leo F. Buscaglia

When the world is shifting and changing around us, the most dangerous thing we can do is pretend it isn’t.  The next most dangerous is to look for something, anything familiar and hold tight in fear.   Trust yourself and know that your whole life has prepared you to handle what comes your way.   

Rock and roll.

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” -Anatole France

12/29/11: Familiar Trouble

“Beware of the temptation to cling to the familiar which seems like light when in fact it’s darkness.”  
If you want your circumstances to change, you can’t expect to see change in your circumstances.  Real change is something you haven’t seen before.  Be open to what’s new and different.  It might be your pathway to greatness: Cutting yourself off to the unfamiliar might mean cutting off your own future. Be disciplined enough to make wise and careful choices in your life.

Routines are not reflective of wise choices made in a purpose-filled life.  Routines are a choice made once and repeated.

(Quoted and paraphrased from teachings by Pastor Toure Roberts)

 

12/24/11: Fullness

“But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”

-Khalil Gibran

We fulfill ourselves, and our fullness fills others though friends, family or loved ones may or may not be near in presence or in spirit. Never take your company or solitude for granted. Cherish time together or alone and let every moment rest on your heart, full.

12/28/11: Abundance

“Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.”  -Wayne Dyer

When did you last take inventory of what’s good in your life, and all
you are thankful for no matter how large or small, costly or not,
present or remembered?  An impoverished spirit can have the finest
jewels, home, food, spouse, land and riches yet still find fault in
everything, always looking for more, discontent.  When we live with a
spirit of abundance, everything in life is transformed for the better.
 Taking inventory every now and then, from the miracles of touch,
taste, smell, sight and sound to the larger gifts of life, reminds us
of just how much we have to be thankful for, making it easier to
appreciate life for all it is.

“Not what we have but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance.”
-Epicurus

12/23/11: Gifts

“Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than

you need.”  -Khalil Gibran

Angels I know are spending their last dollars on toys for the less
fortunate; giving toys to thousands of families with none for their
own; Investing all the love and energy they have into making this time
of year special for the people they love.  The beauty is, these angels
feel truly joyous; Truly blessed… Humbled by their circumstances and
honored to honor others.

“Generosity is not giving me that which I need more than you do, but
it is giving me that which you need more than I do.” -Khalil Gibran

12/22/11: Taking care of yourself

“Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less

than the trees and the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep
peace in your soul.” ~Max Ehrmann

Stay attuned to your body, your spirit, your mind, your mood so you
can sense imbalance early.  Never be afraid to admit it when you
aren’t well, and take whatever steps needed to care for yourself.  It
is up to you to acknowledge your needs and receive the love and care
we need to survive.  Your world will wait for you, because you own it.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t
matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” -Dr. Seuss

12/21: Today

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today,

at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at
least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die;
so, let us all be thankful.” -Buddha

You’re alive.  That alone, is a miracle.

Enjoy this day.

12/20/11: Feed the magic

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
– Dr. Seuss

When your thoughts turn to temptation, negativity, or sadness
recognize it.  Then remind yourself it is possible, however difficult,
to choose to see the opposite.  Meditating on the mundane, on those
things you wish were different, fueling discontent, is like stocking
the fridge with cake when you’re on a diet.  Direct your thoughts back
to your reality and let it shine with wonder.  Give yourself happy
food if you need it, with visual reminders of what you love about your
life.  Fuel positive thinking with intention.

“The magic in each moment cannot be explained or defined. Yet it is
easy and wonderful to feel.”-Ralph Marston

12/19/11: Authority

“I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many
people who believe it.” -George Carlin

One of the most liberating truths we can embrace is our own personal
power.  When we live and act in authority with a pure heart, our power
is neither manipulative, arrogant, fearsome or controlling: It is
beautiful, uplifting, inspiring, loving, and challenging.

“Power is of two kinds. One is obtained by the fear of punishment and
the other by acts of love. Power based on love is a thousand times
more effective and permanent then the one derived from fear of
punishment.” -Mohandas Gandhi

12/18: The real story

“Confidence in others’ honesty is no light testimony of one’s own integrity.”  -Michel de Montaigne

Our life stories are no more or less powerful or true because of our station.  History is no more than written testimony. We can learn so much about life from the history and testimony of friends, family, even strangers if we share and receive with an open, true heart.

“I am not struck so much by the diversity of testimony as by the many-sidedness of truth.” -Stanley Baldwin

12/17: Own Your Life

“He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.” -Lao-tzu

Self-mastery is as much a matter of control as it is release.  We have to learn to master our own behaviors, thoughts, and actions in life while also releasing care and control over those of others.

 “Don’t think you can attain total awareness and whole enlightenment without proper discipline and practice. This is egomania. Appropriate rituals channel your emotions and life energy toward the light. Without the discipline to practice them, you will tumble constantly backward into darkness.”  -Lao-tzu

12/16: Sword of happiness

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that

you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

Choosing joy is not frivolous.  It is the most serious, effective,
difficult and life-changing weapon in your arsenal.

Use it.

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting
something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating
what we do have.” -Frederick Keonig quotes

12/15: The Danger of reckless and timid driving

“Do you wish to be great? Then begin by being. Do you desire to construct a vast and lofty fabric? Think first about the foundations of humility. The higher your structure is to be, the deeper must be its foundation.”

“Do you wish to rise? Begin by descending. You plan a tower that will pierce the clouds? Lay first the foundation of humility.”

- Saint Augustine

When we set out to do anything purposefully, we’ll assure the best outcome with the right balance of humility and self-worth.

There are two types of drivers who cause traffic jams and accidents more than any other: Timid drivers and reckless drivers.

When humility turns into self-deprecation we’re like timid drivers: Stopping and starting, unreliable and afraid.  When a sense of self-worth turns to self-aggrandizing we become like reckless drivers: Blinded to our surroundings, disregarding measures of safety and law. Both postures make us dangerous to other motorists on the road.

We all have incredible, unique talents and passions: Let’s be powerful and unwavering in their application and balance that out with humility and awareness.

12/14: Dancing in the Spirit 

“Great dancers aren’t great because of their technique; they are great because of their passion.”  

When we dance with abandon we release our thoughts and lose control over our bodies.  When we allow ourselves to move, arch, stretch, twist, push and spin with passion, we are truly at peace.  In the act of giving over our bodies to the spirit of life joy shines in our movement, true and pure.

“Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with timbrel and harp.”

12/13: The success of failure

“Most of our faults are more pardonable than the means we use to conceal them.” ~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld

We will make mistakes. We will fall.  We will fail.  When we are whole, those moments are simply moments, passing.  When we are successful, our expectation of life remains at the fullest, highest level of potential.  When we are at our best, we are true, honest, and accepting of our struggles, ready to face and tackle them.  Life is neither moments of perfection and glory, nor flaw and tragedy: Life is in the moments between, and your spirit resting, still.

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” -Winston Churchill

12/9/11: Reveling in exhaustion

“I’ve got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom.”-Thomas Carlyle

When we are living purpose-driven lives our compulsion to fulfill our dreams and passions will push us to our limits.  Physical exhaustion is just that.  Our bodies are our power tools, our vehicles, our vessels, meant to be used.  Remember to keep your mind and spirit lifted: Feel the sweet reward in knowing your exhaustion is an odometer tracking the distance moved toward your goals.  

“The vision of a champion is bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion, when nobody else is looking.” -Mia Hamm

11/10/11: Stillness

We are of no help to anyone, nor ourselves when we move in the absence of peace, rest and wisdom, without the quiet stillness in our hearts that begets discernment.  Let’s do what our hearts call us to do, but remember our bodies began to die the moment we were born and care for ourselves lovingly.

When they reminisce over you…

11 Oct Indeed...


Indeed...

I’ve grown up in LA and lived on the same street all my life.  Went to elementary, secondary schools and college in Southern California.  That said, traveling is definitely my thing: New York, New Jersey, Boston, Cambridge, Connecticut, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Michigan, Chicago, Denver, New Orleans, Las Vegas, Arizona, San Francisco, Maui, Oahu, Hawaii, Tijuana, Seattle, Canada, Italy, Paris, London…

In between that travel my rootedness sees my closest friends and family come and go: Chicago, New York, San Francisco, London, Texas.

Maybe for that reason…

Maybe because I trust that when my phenomenal friends  make life-changing decisions, it will be the absolute best thing that could ever happen to them…

Probably because the more strategically placed pals the better my travel options…

I don’t get all fussy about them leaving.  Ok, I’m a crier. And obviously sentimental.  Not gonna lie.  But you’ll get no resistance from me, only a swift self-invite to crash yo’ spot.

Or, in this case a little trip down memory lane.

Cue blubbering, tissue, and impossible Tyler-Perry snot close up please.

A of tons:

You make me smile and giggle.  You give it to me straight.  We’ve shared many a dance floor, many a tear, many a riotous laughing fit together. Lazy afternoon brunches, picnics on the beach, dinners under the stars. We’ve eaten better together than many ever dream, blessed with impossibly, glamorous, exciting, simple fun.  You are intensity, joy, silliness, light, directness, humility, love.  Languid days in Palm Springs, Venice Beach, Downtown LA, Laguna Niguel, Santa Monica, Watts, Culver City, Inglewood, Manhattan Beach, Hollywood…

E of tons:

You make me laugh and roll my eyes.  You give it to me straight, too (surprise, surprise.) We’ve shared many a drink, countless events, friends, and family.  Hilarious game and karaoke nights, debates, ski trips, and random moments.  Our incredible friendship reflects, builds, and uplifts the most divine versions of ourselves.  You are strength, power, vision, spontaneity, style, comedy.  Whirlwind of fun all over Los Angeles, New York, Vegas celebrating life and the love of true friends and family.

You two.

Your advice is invaluable.  Your no-holds-barred, all or nothing approach to life and love inspires me.  I love you both, partly for different reasons and am tickled that I love you for the same reasons:

You are both clear, decisive, determined, fun-loving, self-aware, amazing, brilliant, powerful, charming, charismatic people who know exactly who you are and revel in it proudly.

Thank you for changing my life.  It’s time to make memories in a new place.

I will not miss you, because as mentioned, them self-invites are on the way.

Let the record reflect I’m thinking July 5th.

Holla.

“Good” my tushy.

27 Sep

I was reading one of my favorite, hilarious blogs (www.verysmartbrothas.com) about the myth of the good man shortage when an interesting exchange happened.  After my arguably predictable response, peppered with Katt Williams’ quotes and references to the amazing man, family and friends in my life… Someone responded with the following statement.

“[Figuring out what it is about you that attracts no good men] would require women to ask questions about themselves, and we know when it comes to relationships, Black women are sweetness, light, kittens with flowers, rainbows and singing puppies. There cannot be anything possibly wrong with a Black woman…and if you do find something wrong, it’s because you did something to her to bring it out, like being born. “

Well, well, well.  He’s absolutely right.  (Thanks Todd.)  I am most certainly sweetness and light and all the rest plus champagne and bubbles and sunshine. :-D  And, to be fair, always have been.  The most popular nickname is Sunshine and thankfully my relationship has been and continues to be supernaturally blissful.  Not perfect, but powerfully love-filled and peaceful.  To tick off some of the I’m-Ok Criteria:  Pleasant, supportive, opinionated, responsible and agreeable.  Don’t expect, gossip, blame, nag, yell or curse.  Decisive and usually (not enough) clear.  Of course workin’ on that last one.

Which is why I was shocked to my core to find out not only was there a whole truckload of stuff to fix… It was a never-ending journey of much-needed self-discovery and improvement.  Can’t lie, that initial discovery rocked me.

Because probably one of the most well-known and well-loved (by the ladies anyway) defaults is our gloriously self-righteous indignation soapbox.  Seriously, that box must grow larger in direct proportion to the amount of self-love a woman has, up to the limit of her enlightenment floor.  A “good woman” can’t be told a THING about having the wrong approach.

Period.

Try a million different ways and you’ll fail.

An enlightened woman or man is another story altogether.

You know it.  Men have theirs too.  Their soapboxes seem to be reactionary, based on ours.  So all of a sudden not only did I have to jump off mine, it had to be burned and all the building materials within reach or shipping distance of my little self-righteous mitts had to be hidden.

So I had to question myself.  And had just started stopping.  I’d put in years battling feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt and low self-esteem.  Around 26 or so finally started feeling confident.  And now, at 29 y’all trying to make me question me?  As the product of a dysfunctional family, with a history of strange pets, verbal abuse, cuteness, abandonment, tickle-fighting and neglect it turned out there was a heck of a lot to question.  I mean, I wanna know why (a) In the middle of a tickle-fight, screaming “You’re gonna make me pee!” will end it every time, but (b) The tickle fights kept on coming.  Darn it.

Blessing upon blessing abounds in my family’s life.  But that doesn’t mean some things weren’t very, very wrong.  That leaves an impact.  No tickle fight.

As any true hypochondriac would, I hopped online and started e-searching, prepared for the rare best and frequent worst.  Reached out to my closest friends and explained my (ahem) journey.

Recreated self-pity scenes from cheesy chick-flicks in my living room and journaled and bought a book about codependency and from one perspective, the stuff was wildly hilarious.

And darned if all that did was identify the wing on the fly on the tip of the iceberg.  I stay trying to figure myself out.  From another perspective, the beauty of it is I won’t ever stop learning about or improving myself.

Awesome, well-rounded and full of self-love at 26, at 31 I’m grateful for an inkling of understanding about just how little I know.  A growing understanding of how beautiful transformation can be, and how pain pushes us beyond our limits.

It’s literally gotten to the place where, when something unpleasant or difficult happens it cues learning mode.  What in the flippity-flop is supposed to come out of this?

And that is flippin’ glorious.

That’s how my enlightened side looks at challenges.  And no.

It wouldn’t have happened if I weren’t blessed with a “good” man and friends who have warm, loving spirits.  It certainly wouldn’t have happened if I weren’t able to go deep into self, deep into spirit and figure out some of my crud.

Still, it started with me.

And that’s big.

But what is so wonderfully settling, and peaceful and still about it all is realizing the most important thing, which is ridunculously simple and cheesy.

–GLITTER AND RAINBOW AND BUTTERFLY ALERT–.

It’ll all be ok.

(Singing) Won’t you be my neighbor?

–END GLITTER AND RAINBOW AND BUTTERFLY ALERT… Ok not really. That’s just how I is.–

Anyhoo.

I never understood until recently why that statement, cheesy as it may be, is so powerful? It’s because the notion that everything is oriented towards goodness and hope and butterflies and rainbows is breathtaking.  <–See?  Can’t help it.

So with a kinda scared and excited thrill I keep on skippin’ and dancin’ down my little road picking flowers.

Because it isn’t about anything being wrong with black women, men, anyone, nor about pointing it out.  It’s about being willing, whoever and wherever and however you are, to recognize if you’re breathing you are also growing and dying every moment of every day.

With that recognition, to make your experience in this life that much greater by pushing the growth part into hyper-drive?  That’s how good men and women find each other.  We work on ourselves until we see how very far off the achievement of greatness is and commit to keep on moving toward it.

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