Tag Archives: God

What “praying for Oklahoma” means to me…

21 May

It’s not always clear what “I’ll pray for you” or “You’re in my prayers” means to everyone. 

This is what I’m Praying for Oklahoma means to me. 

We know who God is. We know that no matter how much lies seem to suggest otherwise, God is GOOD. We know that’s why it’s impossible for science to predict tornadoes, contain hatred or explain miracles and release love.

We know tragedy strikes, bad things happen. And when they do, there is no way to undo what’s been done. But there is deepening, strengthening, and growth in loss and pain. 

IN loss and pain. It’s easy to think the best way to help someone is to uplift them, encourage them to see the good in what happened. The hard reality is, we have to feel hurt and pain, we can’t skip past it. Grief is like a huge tractor, digging up mountains of earthen soil in a massive disruptive effort to clear a place for a great planting to be done. We can support that by standing with those who grieve, by mourning with them, by praying for them and holding them up when their knees buckle. Trying to push past the natural healing process is like opting out of the tractor process, and bringing in a big above ground bed to plant in. It limits the depth and growth God planned to release through the tragedy. 

So, as much as we know every sweet memory will be joyfully cherished;
As much as we know every joyous moment will be tearfully reflected on;
As much as we know we will hold every lost loved one in our hearts forever;
As much as we know we will live in deeper purpose, more powerful intention, more grateful posture for every second…

We also know everyone’s lives, our losses, our walk is our own and we are here to support and encourage each step forward. And even more, to surround our brothers and sisters when they crumple to the ground and lovingly watch over them until they can stand again. We know who God is: We know God is GOOD, and when we ask we receive. We know that we are the activation points for God’s work. We know this tragedy will not leave behind unhealed irreparable scars, but instead build powerful, indomitable strength. 

That’s what praying for Oklahoma means to me.

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Aside

Problem perspective: Relax and let challenges show off how awesome you are.

12 Feb

Problem perspective:  Relax and let challenges show off how awesome you are. 

A couple weeks ago, my awesome boyfriend shared his most recent, rather horrifying audition experience.  Mind you, I say he’s awesome not only because we’re all best friends forever and such mush…

He’s truly one of those people who just shines, especially when stuff gets truly dark.

Por ejemplo.

He’s talking about this crazy audition, and as he’s sharing the tale there’s nothing but peace, stillness and mild amusement in his attitude.

Apparently this audition was a hot mess, and the people running it were wildly flustered, way behind schedule.  He described how much he really wanted to just take the time to soothe their nerves, how frustrated he was that there’s not enough space for that in the audition process, and how encouraging he was anyway.

Yes, mind you: He’s the actor trying to book the job and he was more at ease than the casting directors were, wanting to help them out.

Then, he describes how the actual audition was rather clumsily setup: He and the other actor were to read into a camera from cue cards… That were in the opposite direction from the lens (the perfect set up for a tennis-match read).  And the cards didn’t show which actor was to read which line.

Unfazed, he plunged into his encouragement-fused audition, becoming a tad confused when the actor portraying his wife in the audition stumbled over the words.

He quickly realized from her hesitation and heavy accent, English wasn’t her first language.  Yep.  No matter: He turned up the charm, encouraging her as well…

And booked the job.

That entire mess could easily have contributed to the mindset of defeat, prideful judgment, or any number of other things…

Instead, because of who he is, and where he draws his peace and strength from, it was just another opportunity to shine, simply by being himself.

So today, I share another lesson learned:

Be careful of what you perceive to be a problem in your life.

The reality is, every challenge you face is a chance for you to overcome it.  And in overcoming it, a chance to show just how much more awesome you are in victory than you were before you faced that challenge.

Glory to glory.

The problems in our lives are God’s way of taking the spotlight into His hands and rewriting the script to show a glimpse of the greatness in you no ordinary audition can uncover.

Let Him work.

“The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.”

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Why entertainers (including Beyoncé) should expose themselves more.

5 Feb

I watched the Beyoncé Superbowl performance and was struck by a few things:

  • She’s amazing.
  • I know a LOT (okay almost all) of her songs.  Word for word.  In harmony.
  • Apparently Beyoncé, along with Scandal, the presidential campaign, hate crimes and Chick Fil-A, is among the domestic news topics that expose the broad and opposing range of my social media connections.  During Superbowl I got everything from scripture to stripper references to praise to technical criticism to frustration.
  • Without substance, amazingness is a lot like a shallow action flick.  It’s entertaining, but you expect little or nothing by way of plot, depth or meaning.
  • Somewhere out there is a slumber-party video of me really badly imitating the Single Ladies music video wearing baggy, stripey satin pajamas and a feathered cardboard crown.
  • If they’d done a well-timed release of a Bey-Fit workout DVD to her and her hubby’s music, complete with co-ed workout team, the Carters would be making millions more.  Right now.  Who do I write to about that?
  • There don’t seem to be many pop stars around who don’t sing in panties any more.
  • I’m old.  Apparently I’ve reached the age where I call things like I see ‘em and am certain my sight is clear.

While I can appreciate shallow entertainment for what it is… It’s hard to understand why entertainers -including filmmakers, actors, musicians, artists, and the incredible Beyoncé as well- who are so brilliant, talented, edgy and great-looking… Would produce anything shallow intentionally.

Why would you want people to have low expectations?

Especially when you’re set apart.

Like, literally.

Folk like me, and Joe Blow, and Sandy Smith are set apart too.  But it’s far easier for us to pretend no one notices or expects much.

But if reported millions upon millions have their eyes on you, it’s unequivocally because they see more than you, something remarkable in you: Your creator.  All the shallow entertainment stuff is a distraction.

As costumes get skimpier and filming gets racier, I can’t help but lament over the little girls idolizing and mimicking their favorite singer… Men lusting or fantasizing about another man’s wife… The perverted confusion of using sexuality as a power statement… The self-defeating paradox of aspiring entertainers being held to the low bar of overexposure set by their counterparts…

I wonder.

What are we feeding?  Who’s responsible?  What and who’s expendable?  What’s sacred anymore?  While I’m thankful for the 1st amendment right that allows me to even share these thoughts, I’m sorrowful that our country clamors for a culture of poison, calling it delicacy.

How is an artist to see more from the billions of consumers and how are billions going to see more from artists?

The most popular stuff in America is what’s worst for you.  Music, movies, food, novels, news, clothing, products, vehicles, advertisements too often glorify sex, violence, manipulation, hatred, gluttony…

How did we get to the place where we want what’s bad for us?  Where we think it’s funny to mock someone’s pain or suffering and ignore our aching?  Where we don’t care who’s watching and are ignorant to our bondage?  Where it’s not our job, our concern, our role, our life or anyone else’s?

We’re in this together.

In this big world, shrunken by global internet, media, economics and military interests, every one matters.

And in this big world, it would be truly powerful if every person who had a platform of listening ears and watching eyes, believed they had a responsibility to use that platform to uplift their audience.

But it doesn’t seem like producers, filmmakers, songwriters, musicians, actors, or authors believe that.  And it doesn’t seem like sex, violence, slavery, perversion, spirituality or anything else is worthy of sensitivity or care.

Some use the excuse that it isn’t up to them, they have no control.  Others use the excuse that it isn’t their style.  Others say it’s not what people want to see or hear.

It should be.

I don’t know where exactly folks think their creativity and success comes from, but it ain’t fans, history, drugs, alcohol, fashion or TV.

So how exactly do you place responsibility for the management and shaping of your gift anywhere but with the One who gave it to you?

And is that God, who blessed you with talent, served by uncovering layer after layer of flesh?  Or by exposing layer after layer of spirit?

It’s scary to be truly naked.

Maybe that’s why so many artists hide behind fortresses of distracting shock value disguised as culture, art, entertainment.

We need a world where our leaders consistently expose increasing spiritual depth and inspire us to do the same.  

Where we build on the strength of the artists, leaders, and humans who came before us by deepening the quality of what we do, through a deepened connection with the source of creativity.

Not by increasing shock value for an increasingly tolerant and numbed audience we’re supposed to be healing through our God-given talents.

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Temptation ain’t coercion. If you’re tempted it’s because there was a desire inside you for it in the first place.

31 Jan

Recently I shared about the enemy within, and how dangerous it is to live in denial.
It’s a weak, disadvantaged position to deny and confuse what temptation really is, and approach it as though we’re helplessly forced into something we want no part of… Instead of masterfully commanding our lives like the rulers of the Earth we are born to be.
So, to be clear:
Tempt: To entice to do wrong by promise of pleasure or gain.

Coerce: To restrain or dominate by force.

I hate avocado.  A thousand perfect avocados won’t tempt me.  I could be coerced to eat one.  And I’d still hate avocados.
I do love chocolate.  The perfect chocolate soufflé will be darn tempting.  I’d have to be coerced not to eat it.  My family history of diabetes does indeed cause me to restrain myself.

We can only be tempted by what we already want.  Knowing something is bad for you doesn’t mean your heart won’t desire it.  Which isn’t a huge deal when it comes to food preference.

But there are things in our lives that are a very big deal, that can kill us if we don’t master them.  We can’t master anything if we don’t know what we’re dealing with.

It’s dangerous to confuse temptation for coercion.

Temptation is attractive, pulling you toward something you want.  Coercion is combative, forcing you to do something against your will.  These are two completely different challenges with different solutions: One within you, the other without.

Temptation is solved by finding and fixing whatever’s broken inside that makes us want what isn’t good for us.  Coercion is solved by identifying the threat and either staying the heck away from it or fighting back.

It’s dangerous to think that because your mind knows something your heart wants is wrong, you don’t really want it.  You cannot be forced to desire or do something you actually want to do: You are willing and complicit.

Responding to that in confusion is more dangerous than the external attacks you face, where you really do have to fight back.  Confused, you’ll respond with a losing strategy that weakens you at the same time it strengthens your wrongful desire.

Hot mess.

That’s what happens when you just face the temptation and resist it, or escape, running in the opposite direction without dealing with the root problem:  Why you want something bad for you.  Ultimately, resisting or avoiding just makes the problem worse.

Only as upright as your circumstances, you’ll still want it, but now you’re playing games to sidestep landmines.

That is the losing game of avoiding temptation: I just won’t go near such-and-such, won’t buy blah-blah-blah, won’t do blankety-blank… You can’t win because the problem is not it.  It’s you.  Wanting it.  And playing games with it can actually deepen its hold over you.

No one wants to hurt themselves.

The reality is, if something is broken inside of you, that brokenness will war with the truth like a sinister fun-house mirror, presenting reality as a fantasy.

That’s why you’ll believe temptation won’t really hurt you.

  • No overweight person wants to gain weight.  Brokenness will show you weight gain as a self-indulgent, orgasmic and sumptuous gift of nourishment.
  • No married person wants to get a divorce.  Brokenness will show you divorce as a once-in-a-lifetime secret sexual fantasy that will fuel desire for your spouse.
  • No drug abuser wants to overdose.  Brokenness will show you overdosing as a sweetly spiraling surrender into bliss.
  • No violent person wants to end up in the hospital.  Brokenness will show you fatal injury as righteous revenge exacted by a powerfully courageous warrior.

I don’t know about you, but I’ma need every which-kind of anyway broken anything up out of my system.  As of last year.

Because there is no little bit, no just once, not a big deal with what’s bad for you.

Bad is a raging and ravenous animal that is insatiable and violent, constantly calculating ways to eat you alive… And get you to serve up your friends and loved ones as seconds.

Partnering with that is a really.

Really.

Really.

Bad idea.

The tricky part is if we knew where these broken parts were and how to heal them, we’d have done it already.

So let’s go:

  1. Clear the clutter out of the way: Fast.
  2. Ask for help: Pray.

If there were a rattle in your car you couldn’t identify, you wouldn’t park it in the driveway and watch a show about car repair.  At some point you gotta get under the hood.  You clear it out, and take it to a mechanic to identify the problem and make the necessary repairs.

The spiritual version of parking the car and watching a do-it-yourself show is religiously going to church without fasting and praying constantly.

Fasting isn’t some strange and dangerous celebrity diet.  It’s cleansing, offering and sacrifice.  Our minds and bodies are our own, we can’t forget that and fail to take control over ourselves.  Why shouldn’t we offer up the vessel for our spirit when we need work done?  Choose something, anything whether it’s a habit, food, drink, activity, or even a person, and cut it out until your healing comes.

Praying isn’t some pious religious ritual set aside for priests and fanatics when they’re in quiet time with their eyes closed in temple or church.  We were born to pray, and can every moment.  At some point we get coerced into thinking prayer, our communication with the Creator, isn’t the most valuable part of our makeup.  Everyone hears from God, everyone can talk to Him.  So ask Him to find your brokenness and heal it.  Every single day. Multiple times a day.

We can’t afford to confuse temptation for coercion.  If you know you want things that are bad for you, fast and pray until you’re healed.

There’s far more to life than exhaustion in battle with yourself over wars that have already been won.

Free yourself.

“‘Rather, each person is being tempted whenever he is being dragged off and enticed by the bait of his own desire. 15 Then, having conceived, the desire gives birth to sin; and when sin is fully grown, it gives birth to death. 16 Don’t delude yourselves, my dear brothers.’”

We often view temptation as an external influence that ‘happens upon us.’ In truth temptation is an outward manifestation of a pre-existing desire already INSIDE of us. Our first instinct is to remove whatever it is that is tempting us from our environment. This is no different than watering the leaves to make a plant grow instead of the roots. Some of the water may trickle down the stem and make it into the ground but it is not the most effective way to achieve the goal. The real battle with all temptation takes place inside of us. We must examine the want for whatever it is that tempts us and start from there.

Eliminating objects of temptation from our environment is a means but the end is when we want what God has in store for us more than ANYTHING.

If we have a want for something that is greater than what God has in store for us it is that very want that will kill our walk every time.

We must continue to hold our desires up to what God wants for us and see where our heart truly stands.

We will all be tempted but we do not have to fall.

We can choose to stand by what God wants for us over what we want.

It’s all about faith…”-Ebenezer Quaye

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Who’s your Daddy: Identity, value and self-worth.

29 Jan

I shared some relationship tips recently, including how to identify and deal with your worst enemy.

Today is about self-worth, particularly for men, as the world seems hell-bent on convincing y’all your self-worth is defined by net worth.  Ladies meanwhile, are being convinced we’re defined by our bed-worth or sexuality, but that’s another discussion for another day.

Too many men live with the limiting core belief that the amount of money they make, the power they have, is tied into how valuable or worthy they are.

And because our decisions, our lives are based on the core truth of our identity -who and whose we think we are- and how worthy or valuable we think that makes us, self-worth is a big deal.  The biggest deal.

So let’s deconstruct it.  What is worth, or value really?

Value is defined as the level of importance or preciousness.  That  means how something or someone is regarded, and how rare it or they are is the measure of value.  It can also mean an estimate of monetary worth.

First of all…

There is only one you and man is at the top of the food chain.  No other human looks, thinks, or is made exactly the same as you are.

That makes you one in about 7 billion.

According to the London Zoological Society, the Ploughshare Tortoise is the most endangered species on the planet.

There are 600 of them left in world.

You are rare.

Second of all…

You were created by the most powerful, indescribable force of all time in all the universe.  And He thinks you’re the most important thing He ever made.

You are held in the highest regard by the Most High.

Third.

Do third-string players approach the game the same way starters do?  Nope.  They don’t expect to play, don’t believe they matter as much and have a completely different attitude about the game.  If they are called to play, they tend to be so shocked and ill-prepared mentally they don’t play their best.  Or they’re so thrilled and overzealous about the chance they literally give it all they got and burn out or get injured fast.

Convincing you you’re worthless is the enemy’s way of getting you to believe you’re a third string player on a losing team when in fact, you own the league.

This is your life.

At what point did your account balance make you any less qualified to run it?

It’s a pretty brilliant strategy to add the layer of money to the equation, along with trying to convince you that you aren’t unique, and aren’t a child of God.  Then, even if you know you’re one in several billion and know you’re God’s favorite, if you don’t have a lot of money…

You might still believe you’re not in the game yet.

You opt into a self-defeating spiritual game of deflection and excuse:  God is working on me;  He will provide;  When I____;  Don’t despise small beginnings; He who’s faithful over little;  My much is on the way…

Every person you meet, every relationship you form, every endeavor you begin is blurred and limited by this lie that you’re not as wealthy as you’re meant to be yet.

Never realizing the truth is, He finished you before your one in seven-billion self entered the world He created for you to rule.

All the money and power in the world is worthless in the hands of a man with no integrity; a man with no God.  Men and women who think otherwise are suffering in the ways of a hell you could never imagine.

You inherited the Earth.

So the next time you reflect on whether you’re man enough, what your account balance looks like, what you will do when or would do if, think about whether He’s God enough.  What His wealth looks like.  What He’s done and has planned.

Act accordingly.

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The enemy within: Check yo’self before you wreck yo’self.

25 Jan

I wrote a handy list of relationship tips recently,  and am going deeper on one of them today: Know the God- given roles for people in your life and respect His authority.  

Much has been written about how people are in our lives for a reason, to play a specific role.  Encouragement is offered, and explanations of how to manage the God-given friendships in your life, how to define and recognize appropriate levels of intimacy and partnership for each role, and how to make sure not to pervert relationships or recast roles.

Not as much discussion is had about how to deal with God-given folks in your life who are not your friends.

Or even what they might look like.

If you’ve figured out you were put here for a reason, you’ve entered a race that will help others just because you stepped up.  Unfortunately that means others will be against you.  As my grandpa used to say, “If you have enemies, you must be doing something right.”

You can’t please everyone and you can’t ride the fence on injustice.  Some things are just wrong.  Some people will be your enemies.

It’s irresponsible to disregard danger, pretending it’ll go away if you don’t validate it with a response, or empower it with your thoughts or energy.

The reality is you need to know what you’re facing and you need a plan.

So let’s be clear on these God-given roles.

Partners:  Yay!!!  Those who support you, love you, are clearly brought into your life for a reason aligned with your purpose.  They will reflect the truth to you, especially when you lose sight of it.  Nurture and cherish and build those relationships: Life depends on it.

Enemies: Those who don’t support you, don’t love you, and are clearly brought into your life to oppose you.  Waste no time wondering whether they’ll change, whether you were sent to bring them to the light.  Recognize them.  Pray for them.  Keep your distance.

Then there’s the worst kind of enemy, the one you don’t recognize as opposition, because they’re so familiar and fun.

You.  The you that chooses the wrong path.  The lie.  The you who chooses random fun, just-once-can’t-hurt, what’s-the-big-deal, who’s-gonna-know-anyway.  The reality is, that’s all it takes.  Whether it’s one or a million little moments is irrelevant.

Because the problem isn’t how often, or how much you’ll risk your life or purpose for.  The problem isn’t the consequence of being caught.

The problem is that you’d think anything was worth risking your life or purpose.  The  problem is that you’d lie to yourself and God about who He is.  Not smart.

Give me the fire-breathing, knife-wielding, cannon-shooting, screaming psycho enemy all day long.

I’m from Watts, I got a plan for that.  See it coming miles away.

The hardest enemy to fight is the one in your head, trying to pull your strings like the God in you isn’t in charge.  And yes, this may show up as the alluring, tempting people in your life who activate the enemy within you.

Temptation ain’t coercion.  If you’re tempted it’s because there was a desire inside you for it in the first place.

And yes, the enemy within is God-given: It’s choice.

We truly do have free will and that’s what makes us powerful.  That’s why we can trust Him.  He fully trusts us, to make our own choices even though we’re a raging hot mess.  It’s up to us to choose right.

So how do you do that?

Take control.  If you have to, leave.  Ask for privacy.  Close your eyes and cover your ears.  This is not silly.  It is your life.  Why should you feel obligated to permit or invite others to inform a decision that you alone have to live with?  You wouldn’t let somebody tell you what to do in your house or with your money.  If someone insists on staying/talking/not letting you be alone for a minute let that be your red-alarm. No ifs-ands-buts-about-it, you gots ta go now.  Anyone who insists their presence is a prerequisite for you to tap into God is a liar.  Enemy.  Run.

Remember who you are.  You think the first thought that runs through President Obama’s head if a high school buddy calls to party is, “When and where?”  Nope.  It’s much more along the lines of, “I’m a husband.  I’m a father. I’m the President of the United States.  I’m the leader of the free world.  Is you crazy?”  Check yo’self before you wreck yo’self.  If you have to, start by remembering who you’re not:  You are not helpless, lost, stupid, desperate, crazy, broke, alone, needy, tired, sad, etc.  Look up.  You are a child of God.  Remember.

Get the right idea and act on it.  Don’t assume because you thought it would be a good idea it is.  Especially not if you have a cosigner nearby.  Our minds, feelings and bodies are not free-wheeling playgrounds we can’t control.  If that were the case we’d remain infants forever.  Grow up.  Take responsibility for yourself.  That begins with realizing  every thing is not a good idea, every emotion is not to be acted upon, every action is not forced.  Dogs do whatever they want.  They also eat their own vomit and hump trees.  Just saying.  That ain’t freedom.  You can opt out, and opt in to the right idea.  Think up.  If you have to spend every waking minute praying to master your mind and control your thoughts, do it.

Taking these steps sets the stage and clears the way for you to focus on Him, so you can clearly recognize the enemy within and keep your distance.

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For the men: Relationship advice and affirmations fit for a king.

16 Jan

In today’s world of hurting and imperfect people, far, far too much time is spent feeding lies about men.  About women too, but that’s another discussion.  Today, even as I thank God to be with the most amazing man I’ve ever known, the reality is my hurts and imperfections used to keep me from affirming him in the truth.  And we’ve had an amazing relationship!  But it wasn’t good God enough.

Still far from perfect, but I know:  The truth is, every single one of you is already a powerful, strong, good, successful, faithful, sensitive, committed, loving provider who is or will be an incredible leader, husband and father.

Too often, television, movies, videos, music, advertisements, articles, studies, books, families, employers, and even the church, men, and us women… Are like an endless stream of y’all can’t do right and y’all need to get right so y’all can be right.

When it seems like the world is lining up against the truth about you, what the flip is a man to do with that?

Maybe, you can struggle and succeed against the odds, then ignore the isolation and unrealistic expectations when you’re heralded as the exception for all mankind.

Maybe, you can begrudgingly embrace what the world tells you about yourself and pretend it makes you feel good: That’s just the way men are.

Maybe, you know you need to work on yourself but it seems like there’s no space to do it without being judged, accused and labeled as statistic, reject or exception?

The truth:

You are perfect.

Just the way you are.

You are a man.

Just the way you are.

You are the best man.

You are enough.

You are strong.

You are a great provider.

You know how to love.

You know how to lead.

You know how to give someone everything they need from you.

I can say that with certainty because you’re alive.  And that means you can be, and do all those things for yourself.

So today, and everyday be affirmed.  Remember the truth:

  1. Your relationship with God comes first: Submission to God means full obedience, faithfulness and sacrifice to Him alone.  That’s what it means to live for God.  Healing, power, truth, love, leadership and strength first.  If you submit first to your wife, yourself,  your job, church, family, friends, or the random pull of life’s adventures you are willingly settling for being a lesser man for everything and one in your life, including yourself.  Only God defines your manhood: Not your father, grandfather, wife, kids, boss, pastor, friends, media, self-help books or therapist.  He made you, and wrote the greatest book ever about what it truly means to be a man.
  2. Without purpose, everything will flounder: Ever try to just grab some tools and stand in the middle of the house, twisting screwdrivers and turning wrenches, swinging the hammer?  Of course not.  That’s what life without purpose looks like.  You have to know why you’re here.  And then carefully choose the right tools to use, including relationship, employment, and everything else in your life, to make sure you advance toward that purpose.  Randomness and purpose aren’t partners.  As long as  you live you can uncover your purpose, by going back to number 1.
  3. You are responsible for your own happiness: There is joy and peace in your purpose.  Without it, life and the search for meaning within it is exhausting.  In purpose, happiness is seamless and endless.  Without it, lies run wild: Like the lie that it’s meaningful to share responsibility for someone else’s happiness; the lie that your spouse or marriage will make you happy;  the lie that your spouse or family can possibly make you unhappy.  You’ll be lured into a meaningless spiral of deceit, off-course and away from your purpose into random grasps for fleeting stimulants.
  4. Integrity, consistency, and transparency are the language of trust: The truth is good.  It’s perfect.  That’s why the truth can’t be hidden, or changed, or negotiated.  That’s why trust isn’t just about lying.  It’s about how well a person knows the language of trust and how fluently they speak it.  God is the truth.  Honoring God, and being trustworthy is about honoring truth by demonstrating strong character and values, by being dependable, reliable, and completely open.  Without that honor, you create a breeding ground for fear, lies, pain, anger and worse:  That isn’t the truth, and certainly isn’t God.  Become fluent in the language of truth, then expect to communicate in it with every relationship.
  5. You can’t fail: You can’t lose.  You can’t break anything or anyone.  You can’t hurt anyone or thing in a way that God can’t heal.  If something isn’t going right in the moment, it isn’t a reflection on you and you don’t have to try to fix it.  Just your presence and reassurance of love undiminished really is enough.  If you have item 1 down, you know the revelation firsthand: Being loved no matter what, and even more because of, is the most powerful healing agent of all.  If you’re a father, husband, boyfriend or single man it is because He authorized it.  He doesn’t make mistakes.  Let go of the crippling worry that you won’t, can’t, might not and move, with the fearless determination of the Highest authority behind you.
  6. The solution is always more love: God is love.  The most radical, convicting, honest, healing, beautiful, perfect love so unfathomable even the slightest revelation of it is life-changing.  That’s why your relationship with, your connection to perfect love and to God is the most important of all.  Until you have that, the way you love yourself and others, and therefore the way they love you, will be limited.  When you know you’re His precious favorite child, accepted just the way you are with extra for  those parts that are least lovable, because they need love most…  Your relationships will grow and replenish you, forever new.
  7.  *Know the God- given roles for people in your life and respect His direction.  
  8. **Know who your  provider is, and what that means about your worth.  

Then comes the fun part.

Once you get your own house in order, you can effectively go about the business of making this world a better place by guiding the next man in the right direction.

*Link added 1-25-13

**Link added 1-29-13

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Don’t curse your blessings: Mastering your mind and body for freedom’s sake

15 Jan

I’ve been battling a persistently annoying less-than-perfect-health situation for a couple months now.  It began as symptom-free general yuckiness and descended into a week of full-blown sick, then cleared 70% of the way up.  Now, it refuses to go away fully because sickness (unlike its carrier) thrives in sleeplessness and uncharacteristically inclement weather.

I’m not a day-napper, so a full night’s rest has become paramount.  Yesterday around 10:30 pm I dutifully settled in for a full eight hours, complete with earplugs.

11:30-ish I woke up with a dry cough, pouring sweat because the thermostat was set too high.  I groggily turned it down and dozed off again.

12:30-ish I woke up again coughing and sweating.  Frustrated, I turned the heat down further and fell back asleep.

1:30am-ish I woke up yet again, as I felt the pressure of paws on my side from our snuggle-hungry cat who Macgyvered her way through our barricaded wall heater (let that sink in. She’s an ever-loving beast.)

Mahatma: The most persistent snuggle-seeker ever.

Mahatma: The most persistent snuggle-seeker ever.

Exhausted and growing angry I returned her to the other room, reset the barricade and shut the door. I never suspected this scene would replay itself nearly every 15 minutes for the next 2 hours until I begrudgingly fed her, hoping a food coma would kick in.

3:30am-ish I dozed off.  I needed to be up at 6:15.

5:15am-ish I woke up once more as she returned happily purring, full and ready to snuggle.  Fuming, and hazy from insomnia I put her out again, this time closing my bedroom door.  I knew in the back of my mind she might claw at my love-nugget’s door and wake him up.  At that point I felt so tired I couldn’t care.

6:10am-ish I woke up again again to noises in the hall.  I angrily slitted one eye to see my door open and grumpily shut it, apparently in my love-nugget’s face (who I couldn’t see in the dark through my one-eyed glare.)  I learned later that he tried in vain to get my attention in spite of my ear plugs.

6:40am-ish I woke up for the day to my alarm.  I painfully went about my morning prayer while my cat once again sought snuggle time.

Awakened.

Peace restored.

Now, I cringe to think of how everything right seemed wrong because I let my environment cause me to lose control: I wasn’t in my right mind.  And it wasn’t hard to get me there.  I was just sleepy. Not intoxicated, or in danger.  That’s scary.

I could make excuses for it, but instead choose to recognize the screaming lesson in this human moment.  Being human is no excuse to do stupid.  And lessons will keep repeating, louder and louder until you get them.

Last night I was blessed.  Blessed to have rest, health, a warm home and comfortable bed, loving pets and  a loving, God-fearing man who does his very best even in his sleepiness at the crack of dawn, to care for me.

Last night I spent hour after hour, after hour cursing every. Single. One. Of those blessings.

I cursed heat during the coldest season we’ve had in years.  I cursed the adorably loving cat I’m responsible for.  I cursed the love of my life while he did his best to take care of me.

There are a million ways I could write it off and excuse it, but the reality is, I was cursing myself by directing negative energy at the blessings God gave me.  We don’t have time to play that dangerous game.

There’s far too much at stake and it has everything to do with us not only loving the goodness of life’s blessings, but overflowing with love for others.

Last night was God whispering:  Be thankful.  Take nothing for granted.  Love first, only, always.

Too often, we act like lazy high school students making excuses for failing to understand an important lesson.  We’re the ones who suffer for it.  And we won’t graduate until we get it.

Last night God whispered to me: Who am I?  How have you forgotten me, that you lose your thoughts?  Who is Your God, that you would curse His gifts as rubbish?

I’ll never know what might have happened if I had fallen to my face in prayer when the heat first woke me up last night.  If I had sought comfort instead of rejecting it.

Don’t wait until you’re shackled and broken to struggle to break free.  The minute you see restraint obliterate it.  Bondage, whether it’s a satin ribbon or seemingly impenetrable institution is the beginning of the same pain, depression, hate, anger, that fuels addiction, suicide, murder, racism, and every other evil that chases us.

Never confuse bondage that’s pretty, easy to remove and feels good with freedom.  It’s the same bondage that will destroy you because you didn’t realize accepting it is loving it.

Love freedom so much you hate anything that hints otherwise.  Love truth so much you hate every whispered lie.

Love your Creator so much, you are hungry not only for His love, grace and mercy, but for His lessons, His correction.  Be eager to fix yourself.

Know it really is that big a deal because nothing on this earth is random or thoughtless.

In seeking meaning, in seeking truth, you seek the One who made you, and every moment is a true master class in freedom.

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His favorite: Getting relationships right by knowing where your favor, privilege, power and authority comes from.

4 Jan

It’s a funny thing, how favorites work.

Growing up as the daughter and granddaughter of some pretty powerful folks, I was certainly privileged as a result.  All my life in one area or another, I can say I was considered somebody’s favorite: Choir directors, professors, instructors, coaches, artists, boss’s, friends.

Everyone is someone’s favorite.

Everyone is privileged.

Everyone has authority.

Everyone has power.

It’s manifested in relationship: Stranger-stranger, Friend-friend, sibling-sibling, parent-child, teacher-student, law enforcer-civilian, elected official-constituent, pastor-member, employer-employee, husband-wife, team leader-team.

What’s funny is, privilege, favoritism, power and authority exacerbate and expose the spirit of the person receiving favor and the person extending it.

So being someone’s favorite, being privileged, having power and authority isn’t about ease or luxury.  It’s about who you are, at your core.

If you’re broken, being someone’s favorite can be the worst fuel for self-abuse imaginable:  Your lack of self-worth will drive you to question the favor and rebel against it, both dishonoring authority, yourself, and the means for your advancement.  No matter how perfect the person extending favor is, you will turn their support into an utter waste because of your inability to receive their investment and deliver return.

If you’re broken, being someone’s favorite can send you spiraling out of control, lost in a perceived bubble of protection, free to waste your life away without purpose or consequence.  Frivolity and randomness will be a poor mask for your struggle against the need to prove your worthiness, at the same time you reject the very notion of privilege.  You’ll stifle yourself in exhaustion, fighting to win a loser’s battle.

And, you’ll still know you’re wrong, making your sense of inadequacy and disqualification even worse.  Favor can crush you with your own weakness.  Worst of all, the impact you were meant to have by being lifted by favor and privilege will be limited, and you’ll have no idea what that might mean for someone else.

If you’re broken, your authority and power can fuel a terrible cycle of abuse: Your insecurity will drive you to dangle privilege like a drug only available for purchase with submission, martyrdom, and sacrifice.  No matter how perfect the person receiving favor is, your favor will strike like a weapon, turning their need into a wound through your inability to lovingly invest and nurture yield.

If you’re broken, your authority will drive you to wield your power with false humility,  trepidation, and fear, diminishing your authority, yourself, and those you favor.  Non-transparency  and inconsistency will poorly mask your struggle against the need to justify your authority, at the same time you reject the very notion of power.  Exhausted, you’ll stifle yourself and those you extend favor to, promoting divisiveness and stagnation instead of unity and growth.

And you’ll know you’re wrong, further intensifying the sense of fear, compelling a controlling paranoia as armor against vengeful retaliation from those you seek to control.  Worst of all, the impact you were meant to have by being granted power and authority will implode instead of having expansive reach, and you’ll have no idea what losses you might have caused in the process.

When you’re whole, being someone’s favorite is an awe-inspiring revelation of responsibility, the vision of understanding you’ve been set apart and shielded for a purpose.  When you’re whole, privilege is stewarded with care in service to the authority who offers it.

When you’re whole, authority is a humbling revelation of service, the vision of understanding your life and light is so limitless and powerful you’ve been set above to pour into others, leading them into their purpose.  When you’re whole, authority is stewarded with submission to the God who grants it.

Relationships of authority in wholeness aren’t one-dimensional, one-directional, crushing dictatorial edicts of dogmatic acceptance and blind submission that fester in irresponsibility, avoidance and failure.  They are multifaceted, supportive, life-affirming, accountable, powerful exchanges of honorable, seamless, unstoppable teamwork.

If you’re broken, even the revelation that you’re God’s favorite can become fuel for self-abuse.  That same sense of unworthiness will manifest as resistance to receiving His healing, perfecting love:  Crippling you, setting off a spiral of pointless perfectionism and obsession with proving worthiness… For the one source of love that truly and completely accepts you just as you are.

God not only has the ultimate authority and power, He is it.  And everyone is His favorite.  He has no need to justify, qualify, prove, or wield His power: It is.  And it’s so pure and overwhelming He’s aching to pour it out on us.

God has no need to self-aggrandize by boasting, or forcing anyone to seek His power.

Still, every single one of us… Even as we ignore, belittle, and act like God’s nothing to us and doesn’t exist: Never speaking, never listening, never acknowledging…  Even as we degrade ourselves and deny who we are, even as we shrink away from our privilege in cowardice…  Every single one of us is His very favorite.  He can do that.

As we come into another chance, another year, another cycle, another season, why not ask:

  • How whole am I really?  
  • Do I really know where my favor, my authority and my power comes from?  
  • How whole are my relationships really?  
  • How relevant are my relationships to my purpose?

An honest examination of yourself, your life, your relationships without judgment, accusation or fear will show you where you may have work to do.  And because human beings are created for relationship, you can’t afford to wait:  Your brokenness and confusion is holding someone else back, and you have no way of knowing how.

When you look, and you find fixing to be done, bring it to God.

No one will know.

If you don’t know how, it’s simple:  That same prayer you utter when you think to yourself, “I hope _______” or “Please let_____” is the same prayer you take to God.  You don’t have to be anywhere, say anything, or know anything special.  You just have to be honest.  He’s not your punisher, hater, judger or rejector.  Not only is everything already okay to Him, He can fix what ever’s wrong if you ask.

So ask.  Ask Him to really, really check you out and tell you what to do.  You’ll know His voice: Don’t confuse it for your own.

No one will know.

Then, show how seriously you take getting this relationship, favor and authority thing right by obeying Him.  No one will know (but it’s better when the right people do).

You’ll notice a difference.

Slow and sure.

You have to live with you: Waking, sleeping, all day long.

So why not get yourself in order?

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Video

Let It Shine

19 Dec

It’s dark out there.

And a lot of folks barely have enough light to get through the seconds, minutes, and hours in front of them.

For those with big lights, now more than ever turn it up.

Shine bright.

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