Tag Archives: happy

Tra la la: Singers behind-the-scenes.

3 Oct

All my life I’ve been singing, solo and with groups large or small.  I don’t watch Glee.  I’ve heard it’s hilarious.  As a firm believer in not taking yourself too seriously, today it’s time for giggles.  Hopefully these bring a smile and even a chuckle forth.

FYI:

Like any other subculture of folk with a common passion, singers have a whole other way of relating to each other.  Conversation is sprinkled with random, impromptu songs that are usually either hilariously awesome…  Or awful.

Singers have an innate ability to look like a cross between a Wall Street trader and sign language interpreter, while singing, by using gestures to communicate  during rehearsals.

Fascinatingly funny hangups around humility and confidence are common.

Honor and praise is shown by feigning violent attack after a worthy performance.  Objects (typically water bottles, tissue, pencils or shoes) are thrown, or shoes (while still on feet) may be placed within inches of their face.  Air-headlocks, shoving, and face-slaps are also common.  Most of the time, this is harmless comedic play.  Other times, someone hurls a half-full water bottle… That smacks you in the middle of the forehead.  That just happened.

The voice is a musical instrument so many singers, like other musicians even those who read music and are well-versed in music theory haven’t learned a second instrument (e.g. piano, guitar, etc.)  Any reference to such skill is prized and worthy of immediate reverence.

The key is basically the range of notes in a song.  Changing keys smoothly takes prep, like anything with established parameters and expectations.

Below are a few quotes that illustrate these points of info or are just fun.

Straight from a singer’s cords…

After a rocky performance: “Um.  Is it just me or have they been changing keys on us?”

“Yes.  Yes they have.  You were in the stratosphere on that last song.”

After a particularly amazing moment, one singer had this to say in response to an air face-slap: ”I don’t even know what’s about to happen half the time.  I just say a prayer and open my mouth.”

Appropriate confidence from a phenomenal vocalist: ”I hate when people ask me to sing on the spot.”

“You still slay every song though.”

“Well.  I’m not going to misrepresent.”

Silent signals: “Hey.  When that note comes, I’m going to touch your elbow if I’m not gonna hit it.  So you can sing it for me.”

“What?  Don’t do that.  What if I don’t know what you’re tapping me for?  Just sing it.”

“That’s why I’m telling you now.  If I touch your elbow, you’ll know exactly why.  Don’t act like you don’t.”

Directors get to have all the fun:

Directors bring out the best in ensemble singing and are awesome and all wildly different, wildly entertaining.

Directing singers can be a bit like a cross between babysitting, lecturing college students, and football practice.  It’s common to be singing your heart out while a director barks instructions and you adjust accordingly.

No matter how great a leader they are, tension will run high.  Fun will follow.

In the middle of a demonstration that got drowned out by overzealous background humming:  ”Stop.  Don’t sing while I’m teaching, listen.  When you don’t know it I’ll have to sing it again and I’m not wasting my voice.”

Clarifying what should happen when a lead forgets the words other singers are supposed to repeat:  ”Singers.  Whatever the lead sings, you follow.  I don’t care what they sing. We’re a team.  If they sing the wrong words you don’t come back with the right ones and put them on blast.”

Admonishing the group after a terrible and drawn-out cacophonous group search for the right note:  ”This is not anthropology people.  We don’t hunt.  We don’t gather.  We sing!

Clarifying what was really meant by encouraging the singer to improvise:  ”Ad lib there, using these words.  I want you to explore, sing whatever you want.  You’re not used to this kind of freedom as a singer, are you?”

When trying to perfect a song with no obvious breaks for breath: ”When should I breathe?”

Director: “Shoot, whenever you can.  I breathe all the time.  I’m breathing right now. Seriously though.”

After a botched attempt at a song: “Yeah, I don’t even know what that was.  I was flat and sharp at the same time I think.”

Director: “Wouldn’t that mean you were in tune?”

A little constructive criticism: “I don’t think what you heard when you wrote the song, is what you actually recorded when you went into the studio.”

Tra la laaaaaaaaaa.

Share the good stuff: Own your impact by reflecting goodness.

29 Aug

I haven’t written in a while.  Usually stuff just pours out of me.

Stuff.  Recently stuff has been very quiet inside.  Silenced stuff that didn’t seem relevant or worthy.

Well.

We are always worthy. 

Last year a really challenging season showed me I didn’t like writing about stuff that wasn’t happy.  I sucked it up and wrote about overcoming.  In reflection, my experience was valuable.  Everything we see is a reflection, light bouncing off a form to give it shape according to our understanding.  Depending on how we look at it, we may see the same thing differently.

Reflection: The Pacific Ocean seen through the Olde Port Inn on the Avila Beach Pier

Life is always relevant.  

Last night I dreamed of wandering through an urban, neglected landscape.  As I walked through the glaring sunshine in dry heat, the neighborhood gradually grew more desolate.  The roads were unpaved, buildings rare and ruined.  The few people I saw as I rounded corners were broken and dazed, ravenous for whatever death tonic was keeping them alive, whether it was money, sex, confrontation, or drugs.  One by one, in subtle and different ways they noticed me.  What I saw looking back at me was scary.  A reflection of the dying human spirit.

Aware, alone and afraid I turned back the way I’d come, sinking lower as I looked for life: Growing desperate as it eluded me.  Suddenly a brightly knit fabric in gold, crimson and green caught me, and I saw a small cluster of men with locked hair, chatting animatedly.  My spirits lifted and we acknowledged each other in warm, polite greeting.  Thankfulness filled me and I continued my journey home.

We always have something to share. 

Reflecting on the dream, the only reason my spirits lifted when I saw those folks was an inherent understanding they meant me no harm.  The simple human connection of eye contact, a smile and warm spirit lifted and encouraged me.  How devastated would I have been had they turned and left upon my approach?  As I did in the face of fear?  How let down were the folks who noticed me approaching and surely noticed my fearful retreat?  I saw in those men a reflection of who I could be, simply by being.

Some years ago, a light bulb went off when a homeless man paid me a sweet compliment when I smiled genuinely at him: “Thank you sister, that smile is a blessing in itself.  God bless you.”  

I’d written off similar comments as polite come-ons in the past but that day I understood:  How hurtful is it when people won’t even make eye contact with you?  When they dishonor and disrespect you and themselves by averting their eyes, pretending you don’t exist even peripherally?  What purpose is served by scowling in the mirror at your own reflection?

You never know what another human’s need is in any given moment.  

When I went camping with my family recently, we slept in tents, had to pay for showers and use public restrooms.  On waking early, only to wait in a long line for the restroom and a longer line to wash my hands, I was one tiny, testy, trifling, trivial, too-through Tina.  For a grand total of ten minutes.  The spell was broken by an exceptionally cheerful fellow camper I passed on the way back to my tent.  As she approached, eyes bright with a smile on her face and offered a lilting “Good morning!”  I didn’t have the heart to crush her joy with my scowling frustration over poor potty time.  I mustered a genuine smile and greeting, laughed to myself about how childish I was being, and remarked on how immediate the impact of that simple, joyful countenance was.  I mirrored her reflection.  

We don’t have the right to choose who’s worthy of human decency.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing makes an impact.

Whether you mean it or not.

Be aware.  Be connected.

Make sure your impact is helpful and encouraging to others making their own impact.

YAY!

26 Jun

Today has been an awesome day.

It was even more awesome than yesterday.

Yesterday was even more awesome than the day before it.

This, leads me to believe tomorrow will be even more awesome than today was.

That is what makes being excited for every new moment, because the moment you’re in is so great,

SO

MUCH

FLIPPIN’

FUN!

YAY!!! 

Contentment: The grass ain’t always greener.

2 May

People who get loud and out of control wish they could tone themselves down.  People who have a tight rein on themselves wish for the freedom of being loud and out of control.

Wealthy and low-income individuals alike long for the day when they won’t have to worry about money.

Single people long for the companionship of a brilliant romantic relationship.  Spouses reminisce on the freedom of single life.

Singers with big voices wish they could sing with quiet intensity.  Singers with soft power wish they had earth-shattering volume.

Skinnier people wish for more muscles and curves.  Heavier people wish for fewer bulky muscles and curves.

The uneducated hope for knowledge.  The wise reminisce on days of innocence.

The fun-loving struggle to be taken seriously, the somber yearn to have fun.

Youth ache for the self-determining power of adulthood and adults yearn for the carefree lives of youth.

Short folks long to be taller and taller folks wish to be shorter.

People of large families yearn for attention and intimacy, and only children ache for brotherhood.

Employees wish they were the boss and the boss wishes they had less responsibility.

People with short hair wish for the versatility of long locks, and folks with long hair wonder about the ease of a short ‘do.

Every square inch of our body, every unique detail of our lives and personality, every gift, every struggle, strength and weakness are intentional.

There are no coincidences in life, no mistakes.

Criticizing a gift given with love is cursing the giver: How is self-criticism or self-hatred not cursing God?

Our gifts aren’t given for us to know or understand exactly why they were given or how.  They are for us to embrace and glorify… To focus on figuring out how to use all God has given us to lift each other up.

We waste valuable time and energy wishing we were different.  Instead, we should focus on excellence: As long as we live, we can always learn more, develop more, improve.

All life is linked in spirit, and our attitudes toward one another and ourselves matter.  When we think highly of ourselves and others we uplift each other.  When we think negatively and lowly of others we create tension by pulling them down when their spirit’s natural inclination is to soar.

Celebrating: Why it’s important to honor the good in life.

1 May

2012 has been filled with celebration.  Celebrations of community accomplishments, relationships, new births, marriages, breakthroughs, friendship and family.

There’s been lots of introspection, hard work, rest, and learning as well.

In church on Sunday while I was talking to a baby (don’t you?) he frantically waved his hands in a clear gesture of absolute, unadulterated glee.  That movement summed up how I feel about celebrating.

Life is a beautiful, magnificent, joy-filled miracle of seasons, change, growth, development, and love.  Why wouldn’t we honor those miracles in celebration?

The challenge is in honoring what it is you celebrate.  Whether that’s a friend, monument, nature, relationship, professional accomplishment, or personal victory it’s important to celebrate appropriately and sensitively.  Otherwise we dishonor the very thing we’re seeking to pay respect to.

How different would your life look if you searched your own and loved one’s lives for blessings, however small, to honor, celebrate, and encourage?  Living with that mindset is a constant reminder of how sacred life is, how sacred goodness is.

The baby’s gleeful gesturing tickled me because he was so open and free to express his delight.  What holds us back?  What do we allow to keep us from honoring one another, celebrating life, praising God?

When we celebrate the right things for the right reasons in the right ways, our lives and those of others around us are uplifted, rejoicing in the spirit of life.

Daily Motivators (Nov-Jan)

3 Feb

2/2/12: Live well

There is someone you rarely think of, whose life you’ve changed by existing.

They may be a family member, lifelong friend, coworker or person you passed on the street.  What would you do differently knowing others were looking to your life for guidance in their own? What in your life sets an unsafe example for others to emulate?

If we each lived in the responsibility and excellence of leadership we’d be far less starved for moral aptitude in the world.

Live well.  Be excellent at everything you do

2/1/12: Resistance

In archery, the bow is drawn to build up resistance so the arrow can fly farther, faster.  Sometimes the bow needs to be strengthened to propel the arrow toward the target.  When our vision is met with resistance, instead of questioning yourself, get prepared and dig in.    

Recognize resistance as the drawing of the bow.

1/31: Touchdown!

If the running back slows to battle with every defensive player they run up against they’ll never reach the goal.

In our lives, the defense chasing after us might be work, family, friends, enemies, old habits, self-defeating or self-indulgent mindsets.  How much of our progress is slowed, how much of our energy drained by battling with these defensive players we should be running around and past toward our goals, our purpose, our happiness?

Let’s recognize quickly what we need to avoid and move past so we can move in purpose and with speed towards the end goal.

1/26: Investment Returns

They say be careful in choosing to argue with a fool: It will be unclear whether you’re agreeing or arguing.  They say show me your closest friends:  They’ll show you who you are. 

At best our relationships at work, home, with family and friends will advance, improve and challenge us. At worst they will stifle, stagnate, and spoil us.  Be selective with yourself: There is nothing wise or fruitful about burning time, energy or resources.  Know where your best relationships are, and make sure they receive more time, energy and resources.  Investing otherwise is buying losing stock.

 

1/25:Who’s bad?

I once came home from vacation to find my home burglarized.  I got a piece of chocolate cake and sat on the porch, thanking God I wasn’t home when it happened.  

Many of my friends have been laid off, excited to have a season close with a blank slate and open opportunities before them.  

There are no bad days, bad meetings, bad times, bad meals, bad company, bad sessions, or bad moments.  There are bad dispositions.  

You can always, in every scenario take the time to reset yourself and remember your life is your play.  You choose how your character performs in every scene.  That can be rewritten instantly, any time and is only up to you for approval.  The scene may be different next time the curtain rises and you choose how you’ll fit in.    

“There is a good side and a bad side to most people, and in accordance with your own character and disposition you bring out one of them and the other will remain a sealed book to you.” -Mark Twain

1/23: Wei Wu Wei

Action of non-action.

Every time we react to a circumstance, person, thing, or condition we are at once strengthening that thing or person and at the same depleting ourselves.  It’s more powerful to choose a course of action or inaction, than to chart the path of reaction.

Let’s learn to discern the difference between what’s worth our time and what isn’t.

Invest wisely.

1/19: Grasping at Shadows

“Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.” -Aesop

If you find yourself caught driving at high speed in the fog, you slow down immediately and focus on the markers of the road.  Chasing dreams and fighting hard to achieve life’s vision is one of life’s most noble pursuits.  If you find your vision hazy, your dream clouded, slow down.  Make sure you have the right substance within your grasp.

1/19: Distraction

Distract: Verb, to cause to turn away from.

Have you ever been violently distracted, only to realize you were fighting against something better for you than you could comprehend?

Most of the time, our resistance, distraction, lack of focus is a spotlight if we adjust perspective, and realize it’s shining on something we’ve turned away from.

 

1/12/12: Listen and Do

Listen

archaic: to give ear to : hear

1: to pay attention to sound

2: to hear something with thoughtful attention : give consideration 

3:to be alert to catch an expected sound  

The first duty of love is to listen.” -Paul Tillich

How much do we pay attention?  How alert are we?  How thoughtful and considerate are we?  Human expression is the first and most powerful step towards interacting with another: We’ve all felt the sting of silence.  When one speaks, we honor them and ourselves by give nothing less than an alert, attentive, thoughtful, considerate ear.  

The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.

The second duty of love is to do.  How do our actions reflect our spirit?  How does our inaction bind it?  How much have we allowed to get in the way of our doing?  A loving touch for a stray dog or warm blanket for a kitten is more powerful than the very gift of life to a loved one from someone with  bad intent.  

1/10: Relax

…Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns… Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even the most opulent king in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 

Our day may be bright or gloomy; We may be well-rested or tired; We may have a million dollars in surplus or debt; We may be bathing in familiar warmth and comfort or rocked by cold and watery waves of change… All of it is simply our circumstance.  What will you be happy with?  What will you need to sustain you and what are you fighting a losing battle for?  Let nature remind you of how perfectly we are provided for, and let yourself relax.

Matthew 6:25

1/6: Discipline

“Loving a child doesn’t mean giving in to all his whims; to love him is to bring out the best in him, to teach him to love what is difficult.”  -Nadia Boulanger

There’s a lot to be learned about life and love from children: Discipline is not among those lessons.  As adults, it’s hard as heck to accept discipline as we’ve come to know it: Punishment, enforcement, control.  In fact, if we adjust our lens, we can embrace discipline in its Latin origins: Teaching, learning, perfecting.  When faced with the challenge to battle for what’s wise instead of what’s easy, let wisdom win out.   

“Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself.”  -Abraham J. Heschel

1/1: Who knew?

“There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth. Not going all the way and not getting started.” -Buddha

Two years ago, if you were to explain the who, what, when, where, why and how of the past 48 hours of your life, how would you respond?

The beauty of life is continuously unfolding change, newness unimagined.

Look forward to 2012, 2014.

12/30/11: Rock and Roll

“The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing.  He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.” -Leo F. Buscaglia

When the world is shifting and changing around us, the most dangerous thing we can do is pretend it isn’t.  The next most dangerous is to look for something, anything familiar and hold tight in fear.   Trust yourself and know that your whole life has prepared you to handle what comes your way.   

Rock and roll.

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” -Anatole France

12/29/11: Familiar Trouble

“Beware of the temptation to cling to the familiar which seems like light when in fact it’s darkness.”  
If you want your circumstances to change, you can’t expect to see change in your circumstances.  Real change is something you haven’t seen before.  Be open to what’s new and different.  It might be your pathway to greatness: Cutting yourself off to the unfamiliar might mean cutting off your own future. Be disciplined enough to make wise and careful choices in your life.

Routines are not reflective of wise choices made in a purpose-filled life.  Routines are a choice made once and repeated.

(Quoted and paraphrased from teachings by Pastor Toure Roberts)

 

12/24/11: Fullness

“But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”

-Khalil Gibran

We fulfill ourselves, and our fullness fills others though friends, family or loved ones may or may not be near in presence or in spirit. Never take your company or solitude for granted. Cherish time together or alone and let every moment rest on your heart, full.

12/28/11: Abundance

“Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.”  -Wayne Dyer

When did you last take inventory of what’s good in your life, and all
you are thankful for no matter how large or small, costly or not,
present or remembered?  An impoverished spirit can have the finest
jewels, home, food, spouse, land and riches yet still find fault in
everything, always looking for more, discontent.  When we live with a
spirit of abundance, everything in life is transformed for the better.
 Taking inventory every now and then, from the miracles of touch,
taste, smell, sight and sound to the larger gifts of life, reminds us
of just how much we have to be thankful for, making it easier to
appreciate life for all it is.

“Not what we have but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance.”
-Epicurus

12/23/11: Gifts

“Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than

you need.”  -Khalil Gibran

Angels I know are spending their last dollars on toys for the less
fortunate; giving toys to thousands of families with none for their
own; Investing all the love and energy they have into making this time
of year special for the people they love.  The beauty is, these angels
feel truly joyous; Truly blessed… Humbled by their circumstances and
honored to honor others.

“Generosity is not giving me that which I need more than you do, but
it is giving me that which you need more than I do.” -Khalil Gibran

12/22/11: Taking care of yourself

“Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less

than the trees and the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep
peace in your soul.” ~Max Ehrmann

Stay attuned to your body, your spirit, your mind, your mood so you
can sense imbalance early.  Never be afraid to admit it when you
aren’t well, and take whatever steps needed to care for yourself.  It
is up to you to acknowledge your needs and receive the love and care
we need to survive.  Your world will wait for you, because you own it.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t
matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” -Dr. Seuss

12/21: Today

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today,

at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at
least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die;
so, let us all be thankful.” -Buddha

You’re alive.  That alone, is a miracle.

Enjoy this day.

12/20/11: Feed the magic

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
– Dr. Seuss

When your thoughts turn to temptation, negativity, or sadness
recognize it.  Then remind yourself it is possible, however difficult,
to choose to see the opposite.  Meditating on the mundane, on those
things you wish were different, fueling discontent, is like stocking
the fridge with cake when you’re on a diet.  Direct your thoughts back
to your reality and let it shine with wonder.  Give yourself happy
food if you need it, with visual reminders of what you love about your
life.  Fuel positive thinking with intention.

“The magic in each moment cannot be explained or defined. Yet it is
easy and wonderful to feel.”-Ralph Marston

12/19/11: Authority

“I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many
people who believe it.” -George Carlin

One of the most liberating truths we can embrace is our own personal
power.  When we live and act in authority with a pure heart, our power
is neither manipulative, arrogant, fearsome or controlling: It is
beautiful, uplifting, inspiring, loving, and challenging.

“Power is of two kinds. One is obtained by the fear of punishment and
the other by acts of love. Power based on love is a thousand times
more effective and permanent then the one derived from fear of
punishment.” -Mohandas Gandhi

12/18: The real story

“Confidence in others’ honesty is no light testimony of one’s own integrity.”  -Michel de Montaigne

Our life stories are no more or less powerful or true because of our station.  History is no more than written testimony. We can learn so much about life from the history and testimony of friends, family, even strangers if we share and receive with an open, true heart.

“I am not struck so much by the diversity of testimony as by the many-sidedness of truth.” -Stanley Baldwin

12/17: Own Your Life

“He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.” -Lao-tzu

Self-mastery is as much a matter of control as it is release.  We have to learn to master our own behaviors, thoughts, and actions in life while also releasing care and control over those of others.

 “Don’t think you can attain total awareness and whole enlightenment without proper discipline and practice. This is egomania. Appropriate rituals channel your emotions and life energy toward the light. Without the discipline to practice them, you will tumble constantly backward into darkness.”  -Lao-tzu

12/16: Sword of happiness

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that

you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

Choosing joy is not frivolous.  It is the most serious, effective,
difficult and life-changing weapon in your arsenal.

Use it.

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting
something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating
what we do have.” -Frederick Keonig quotes

12/15: The Danger of reckless and timid driving

“Do you wish to be great? Then begin by being. Do you desire to construct a vast and lofty fabric? Think first about the foundations of humility. The higher your structure is to be, the deeper must be its foundation.”

“Do you wish to rise? Begin by descending. You plan a tower that will pierce the clouds? Lay first the foundation of humility.”

- Saint Augustine

When we set out to do anything purposefully, we’ll assure the best outcome with the right balance of humility and self-worth.

There are two types of drivers who cause traffic jams and accidents more than any other: Timid drivers and reckless drivers.

When humility turns into self-deprecation we’re like timid drivers: Stopping and starting, unreliable and afraid.  When a sense of self-worth turns to self-aggrandizing we become like reckless drivers: Blinded to our surroundings, disregarding measures of safety and law. Both postures make us dangerous to other motorists on the road.

We all have incredible, unique talents and passions: Let’s be powerful and unwavering in their application and balance that out with humility and awareness.

12/14: Dancing in the Spirit 

“Great dancers aren’t great because of their technique; they are great because of their passion.”  

When we dance with abandon we release our thoughts and lose control over our bodies.  When we allow ourselves to move, arch, stretch, twist, push and spin with passion, we are truly at peace.  In the act of giving over our bodies to the spirit of life joy shines in our movement, true and pure.

“Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with timbrel and harp.”

12/13: The success of failure

“Most of our faults are more pardonable than the means we use to conceal them.” ~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld

We will make mistakes. We will fall.  We will fail.  When we are whole, those moments are simply moments, passing.  When we are successful, our expectation of life remains at the fullest, highest level of potential.  When we are at our best, we are true, honest, and accepting of our struggles, ready to face and tackle them.  Life is neither moments of perfection and glory, nor flaw and tragedy: Life is in the moments between, and your spirit resting, still.

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” -Winston Churchill

12/9/11: Reveling in exhaustion

“I’ve got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom.”-Thomas Carlyle

When we are living purpose-driven lives our compulsion to fulfill our dreams and passions will push us to our limits.  Physical exhaustion is just that.  Our bodies are our power tools, our vehicles, our vessels, meant to be used.  Remember to keep your mind and spirit lifted: Feel the sweet reward in knowing your exhaustion is an odometer tracking the distance moved toward your goals.  

“The vision of a champion is bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion, when nobody else is looking.” -Mia Hamm

11/10/11: Stillness

We are of no help to anyone, nor ourselves when we move in the absence of peace, rest and wisdom, without the quiet stillness in our hearts that begets discernment.  Let’s do what our hearts call us to do, but remember our bodies began to die the moment we were born and care for ourselves lovingly.

How to get your love to do anything you ask… All the time.

31 Jan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“No.”

A simple two letter word.  It is rarely used in my growing relationship with my love unless followed by the word, “problem”.

More often, the hint of a request gets interrupted fast, with an enthusiastic “Yes” before I can finish.

My love is the leader in our relationship.  He has a brilliant mind of his own.  We disagree healthily.  We respect each other’s opinions.  We ask for and consider each other’s advice seriously.

And I’m pretty sure he will do anything I ask, and I will do the same.  Happily.

This is not a trick.  It is not a game.  It is real and I’m here to tell you how to do the same, step-by-step.

How to get the man or woman you love to do anything you ask… All the time.

1) Be happy.  You already have everything you could ever need or want: If that ain’t a reason to get happy I don’t know what is.  If you’re already happy and content the odds of someone else messing that up are slim to none.  And in case you didn’t know, one of the main reasons people won’t do what you ask is because they’re afraid of messing up.  Because they care about you.  When someone who is really happy asks me for something I get excited. You just know they’re asking for something that gives you a chance to do something awesome.

2) Never ask for anything that can’t be given freely.  It really sucks to have someone ask you for something you can’t give.  Happy people don’t do this to people they love.  Asking and giving is a gift exchange between two people.  Make them less or more powerful and you will make a mess.  Imagine if someone you loved asked you to promise them something you had no power to give them?  Your heart would be halfway broken.  You might even resent them for putting you in that position.

Newsflash:  People can’t give you feelings.  They can’t give you themselves.  They can’t give you an easy way out.  So stop asking them to make you happy/feel loved/ feel secure.  Stop asking them to be yours/ commit/ change.  Stop asking them to cover for you/ fix this/ make your life easier.  These are things which, if you had a handle on being whole, you wouldn’t need.  And wouldn’t be asking of someone who was also whole.

3) Know the difference between what you need and want.   Needs and  wants are like apples and pork chops.  They’re both food but boy are they different.  They look different, are made-up differently, have different effects and tastes, and come from a different source.  Usually our wants are coming from not having a grip on our happiness, or being with someone who doesn’t (which is a result of the former.)  That’s why folks often want things they can’t have.  Our needs can always be met.  When we are whole, we can have everything we need, whenever we need it.  When we’re not, our needs are endless and wants constantly unmet.

4) Know how to ask.  The silliest question ever is, “Can I ask you a question?”  It’s asking permission to do something self-permitted.  You’ve already taken time by holding someone’s ear and the act of asking negated the answer.  No adult has to do anything we ask.  Sorry to break it to you.  Not your son, your daughter, your wife, your husband, your maid, your boss, your life coach.  Not one.  People choose their actions.  If the first item on this list is an issue for you, you may try to use any number of clever tricks to get people to do what you ask.  You must also know those tricks don’t get them to do what you asked, they simply warp reality to make it seem your way is the best and only option.  Manipulation shrinks everyone involved and no one wins.  Remember this when asking and make sure the process is as kind, open and love-filled as possible.  If you’re having such a bad moment you think it’s best to yell, curse, threaten and be angry when asking someone else to do something for you… Do both of yourselves a favor and be alone for a minute or 60…

5) Expect and receive only the best.  When you’re whole, you know nothing but good is coming your way.  Not because you’re delusional.  Because you realize even the hard stuff is good ’cause you learn from it.  When you’re broken, you might think you have to take the good with the bad.  Then everything gets mixed up.  Knowing you only deserve the good makes it easier to see what really is bad and keep it away from you.  That’s all you get.  That’s the best.  When this is your reality, every thing you ask for will be the best. Every time anyone does what you ask, it will be the best.

At the end of the day, the answer to any question you ask may well be “no”.

When you really aren’t worried about getting “no” for an answer, you rarely will.

How to REALLY get (and keep) the love of your life..

6 Dec

Years ago, I was single.  And I got some really perfect advice about avoiding the hotmessdedness that is the inevitable outcome of  the single-and-looking process.

I was told to be careful what I wished for.

At the time, I asked myself:

  • Do you really want to meet more people or do you want to rediscover yourself?
  • Do you really want to be dating people or do you want to be fulfilled in dating yourself?
  • Do you really want to be with one or do you want to be one with self, whole?
  • Are you really ready to be married?
  • Don’t you simply want happiness and contentment?
  • Then why are you looking for a goshdarned thing?

Too often, we look at symbols and idols and pretend they are either symptoms or causes of happiness.

Question: How do you get a man or woman?

Answer: You don’t.  You get you.  Focus on you.  The fact is, you don’t need a motherlovin’ thing to be happy but you.  Not a wife, or a husband, or a car, or a home, or a drink, or a dance, or a dress, or new shoes, or jewelry, or church, or pets, or family, or friends, or kids.

You know why?

Because all around the world there are people who have all of those things and are still unhappy.

You are the one constant in your life.

So.  The next time you find yourself yearning to change your circumstance, yearn to change yourself.  Figure out who you are.  What you like.  How you feel and why.

Grow.

Change.

Evolve.

Learn to love yourself like no one else can.  In the process, you will inch ever closer to the best version of yourself.   And why would you want to be anything less?  Why would you want to be with someone who wanted a lesser version of you? In life, we deserve to be surrounded by people who see and love our most divine selves, who uplift us: But it’s our responsibility to discern who belongs around us and in what role.

Question: How do you keep ‘em?

Answer:  Keep it up.  You have to take ownership of living your own life.  It is not lived for anyone else but you.  Even as parents, if you’re unable to care for yourself first your children will suffer immeasurably.  Maintain your sense of self.  Do the things you love.  Continually rediscover and explore yourself.

In an ideal romantic relationship, you won’t complete each other: Life is always growing and changing.  And you won’t love each other more than life itself:  That’s a suicide pact, not love.  You won’t ever know everything there is to know about each other, and yourselves:  Healthy people are constantly changing.

You want to know how to get and keep a really great relationship?

Revel in finding out and falling in  love with all there is to know about yourself, your spirit, your life first.

And never stop.

Perverted statistics on marriage, divorce etc.

24 May

It is woefully tiresome to see studies conducted and data manipulated to pervert the idea of beauty and the wonder of love.  So tiresome in fact, that we should refuse to validate the preponderance of stoopit information by spreading it further.

It is wildly stoopit and irrelevant.

Yes, this range includes everything from racially biased attraction levels to genetically hardwired infidelity to racially biased scarcity myths to gender biased commitment issues.

Instead, let’s slowly saturate the info-lines with the opposite.

Let us pray for the sick and self-loathing scholars and their mind-numbingly ridiculous statistics proving we’re doomed because (some) people are less attractive, less committed, more divorce-prone, unfaithful, and childless.

For those who aren’t aware, statistics don’t mean a goshdurned motherflipflopped lintlicking thing.  All a statistic tells you is that someone decided they wanted to prove something, and designed some tests to prove themselves right.  Not wrong.  RIGHT.

Not only that, even when the statistics don’t support the claim, you can play with them however you want to drive your message home.

That said, statistics and studies are out there.  And since I like creating my own fun, I’ve decided to highlight some of the glory of love for my fellow lovers out there.

Lets party.

For starters, here’s a nice, plausible (albeit less entertaining) read on what, from a universal and biological standpoint, actually attracts men and women to each other, and no it does not have anything to do with race, income, hair or self-image: http://www.livescience.com/7023-rules-attraction-game-love.html

Second of all, physical attraction is, on the grand scale of science, the Tyler Perry or TMZ equivalent of trash universally accepted for its entertainment properties over its substance.

Why bother?  A slightly more interesting scientific topic, because of its anthropological, cultural,  and socio-economic implications to name a few…

Is that of marriage.

So I’ll spout off arguably accurate facts to support my loverville-lifestyle.

Because really, who the flip has it out for love and marriage?  It’s an institute you can’t disparage this, I tell you brother…  It’s like statisticians nowadays actually took an oath:  We don’t care if we’re talking bananas and gorillas.  Eat the cake Ida Mae.  Believe what we’re telling you.

At some point after the 60′s it seemed along with the encouragement of singledom supposedly provided by every environmental and cultural factor humans can choose… Scholars decided to validate the concern that there was a sudden and indirectly proportionate relationship between the divorce and marriage rates, worsening over time (and the advent of rap music probably.)

Unfortunately, this and other ill-advised and unproven theories have poisoned general sentiment on marriage.

Don’t believe me?  Ask your own random sampling of your friends what they know about marriage statistics and the known causes for its success or decline.  With or without disclaimer I guarantee you they will respond with one or all of the following:

1) Most marriages end in divorce.

2) Fewer people are getting married.

3) No one values the institution of marriage anymore.

4) Infidelity is easier nowadays.

5) Gender roles are blurred nowadays.

Now…

Of those five, only the first two are actually relevant in terms of statistics, success or failure of marriage outside of Mr. and Mrs. Jones little bubble life.  The last three are impossible to prove one way or another.

So who cares.

As for the divorce and marriage rates… Correct me if I’m wrong, please… Why for how come, does data track divorces annually, which are singular events in time, then calculate the rate against the number of marriages formed annually, which is actually a perpetual state? Once you’re divorced you’re done.  No need to keep count.

Marriage numbers only grow and that isn’t factored into the equation. Using numbers for singular events against perpetual states, just doesn’t make any sense.  That’s like comparing the number of murders to the number of births to calculate the mortality rate.  It’s over simplified and will be inaccurate and unreliable.

Suffice to say, don’t believe the hype.  But if you had to, choose some positive hype! :)

Lest we miss out on the fun of statistics and sharing, allow me to present my own little warped reality… At least it’s hype promoting something positive and arguably follows pretty sound logic.

In Tinaland, also known as Rainbowville, also known as the US of A:

Did you know America is leading the world for the number of new marriages annually with a rate of 9.8? :) YAY! http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_mar_rat-people-marriage-rate

In 2007, more than 2 million people got married, and there were more than 58 million already-married couples.  In the same year, there were only a little over 1 million divorces.

(Ahem) Now… According to my shallow research and very basic analysis that does in fact look like somewhere between ONE and TWO percent of ALL marriages end in divorce.  Not this ridiculous %50.  I have convinced myself that fifty really means, the number of divorces finalized annually equals half the number of marriage certificates issued annually.

I will continue to operate in this reality until someone proves otherwise.  Hop to it.

More statistics for you to get intoxicated on:

The US has seen a 144% increase in marriages since the 1960’s.  More than 7 million married women bore their first child and the birth rate to married women is at 60.3.  Save the babies.  (www.census.gov)

And, just for those who would love to fuss about how unhappy marriages typically are…

Nearly all of married couples sleep in the same bed (88%).

Nearly all of newlywed men and women are faithful (88% and 82% respectively).

The vast majority of married women are sexually satisfied, achieving orgasm during intercourse (71%).

The vast majority of married couples are in sex-filled marriages (85%) while very few are in sexless marriages.  (http://www.examiner.com/sexual-health-in-national/bleak-relationship-statistics-to-delight-snarky-singles)

Most people (85%) believe marriage is important for happiness in one’s lifetime.

Very few (26%) would be happy if never married.

The majority of people are either married or in a long-term relationship (56%) and ¾ of the single population are looking for love or companionship (72%) (http://www.chemistry.com/relationshipcentral/rcfacts.aspx).

Yep.  Love is so incredible that of the millions married, 3.5 million are actually in long distance marriages.  57% of the population is currently in or has been in a long distance relationship (http://www.waiit.com/Long_Distance_Relationships_Statistics).

(Gleefully releasing armfuls of butterflies, glitter, and champagne bubbles in to the air.)

Cheers to life and love in 2011.

A free holiday

21 Dec

I LOVE Christmas.  The holiday season is the one time of year where everyone is nicer to each other, and the whole world seems to finally support the go-hard in the paint for fun and happiness approach… Which I use every day, so it’s nice to have some company.  Seriously, I teared up watching a family put up twinkle lights.  And every time I see them it’s all I can do to not crash.

But, times are ROUGH.  A lot of folks have no idea what to get loved ones, family, friends.  So, whether you just can’t stomach the idea of an expensive Christmas (me either) or really can’t afford one… I give you freebies.

Gifts from the heart, are the least expensive kind.

Years ago I remember my dad had one of those moments where life and the dangers it presents scared him, for us… He pulled us all close and cried as he told us how much he loved us, that we never need anything but each other. Poignant as it was, that night was a priceless and irreplaceable gift.

That, more than anything is what I love about the holidays.  It’s all love.  Yes, I put up a tree.  And I wrap gifts for myself so I can relish the nostalgic feel of unwrapping things… While reminding myself how unnecessary “gifts” really are.  Everyone makes fun of me for it.  But there’s something powerfully liberating about making a purchase and then being humble enough to say, it is a blessing that I could buy this, when I have all that I need.

It’s never occurred to me to want for anything because I’ve always been able to find a way to get my grubby little hands on my wants, or to get over them.

Here are some classic, old-fashioned tips should you need them as the 25th rolls near…  The key is to be open, and let the syrupy sweet mushy sentimental holiday feeling take over.  What makes these gifts work, is you have to be willing to share your feelings.  No room for thoughtlessness or callousness, or unfeeling here.

  1. You: Make a promise to someone you love to spend an afternoon with them, or an evening. Make them dinner, or bake for them, or pamper them with your attention.  Put it in a card and honor your word.
  2. Write them a letter about how much they, or your friendship means to you.  It can be funny, sentimental, whatever.
  3. Give them a book you’ve read, that meant something to you.
  4. If you have a talent, share it with them.  Leave a singing voice message, recite a beautiful poem, read a meaningful passage of scripture to them.
  5. Make them something.  We all went to kindergarten.  Get out your paper and scissors and crayons if you have to.  It will get a hearty laugh and put a smile on their face.
  6. Cook or bake something.  If you don’t know how to cook or bake, save yourself.  Your holidays might be numbered: Survival and stuff.
  7. Give them something of yours they’ve admired.
  8. Give a big hug, genuine grin, and sincere I love you.  It’s ok, you do.  If you’re fretting about what to give someone to show you care, you love ‘em.  Even just a little bit and that’s ok.  Tell them.
  9. Promise a favor.  Agree to listen to them.  Agree to babysit for them.  Agree to help them with their next heavy lifting need, or party, or project, no questions asked. Put it in a card.
  10. Shine.  There’s nothing more wonderful than shiny happy people holding hands.  Folks who would scoff at this list are neither shining nor happy.  But they can’t really help but glow a little bit in your light if you keep it lit.

We’re alive.  Let’s honor life by showing our appreciation for every little bit of it this Christmas!

(Singing) “Me, I want a hula hoop…”

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 225 other followers