Ahhh, self-help. If only the people who sought it looked like the people who need it most, we might just change the world.
Part 2 is simply: Know thyself and honor thyself. Most folks don’t use Old English unless they’re polishing furniture or enjoy malt liquor.
Self -love is a matter of knowing who you are (your identity), and constantly loving and uplifting that identity in truth (honoring your identity).
That ain’t easy. Especially if you didn’t happen to be born knowing the former and spend the next twenty-plus years doing the latter.
Identity is an imbalanced mix of who you think you are (teensy bit), who you actually are (more), and who you will be (most). Yes. When you were 5 would you believe it if someone told you where you’d be now. Who you will be.
Honor is one of those wonderfully symbiotic substances that does good all around when you learn how to live in it. And trust me, malt liquor is nowhere around.
But how the heck do you live an honorable life?
Think of it like pro sports. You have to be ready to join a team so you can compete in an elite and changing landscape. They don’t let just anyone walk onto a court or field once the clock starts.
4) Learn how to honor yourself. Pay attention to how you let life affect you, how you manage your emotions, what you do. Do you feel inadequate at work? Different around family? Uncomfortable saying how you feel? Have a wandering eye? Get jealous over others? Depressed about money? Anger easily? Insecure in certain situations? Uncontrollably emotional when someone does something wrong? Uncomfortable confronting a problem?
Spend time with yourself and explore how you feel. Write about it. Talk to trusted folks about it and be open to their feedback.
You could take as long as you need and get as much help as you want but at the end of the day will likely find the key is in forgiveness and release.
Believe it or not, it is possible to walk through life at peace. When someone cuts you off on the freeway, steals your TV, leaves you alone… You can still have peace within yourself.
You have to believe that first. And know who you are. With that in mind, slowly start taking steps to treat yourself like royalty: Walk in this world with the power and strength of the knowledge that you own your world and everything you decide to allow into it. Treat your body, your words, your time, your feelings like precious gifts not to be shared lightly or with anyone on their terms.
5) Learn how to honor others. When you treat others well you honor yourself. See that? Learn to trust your discernment: To recognize who a person is quickly. Not in judgment, but in understanding. Listen and seek to understand others. Learn about them. Speak highly of others. Treat them with kindness. Even if someone proves dishonorable, don’t dishonor yourself by mimicking them. Let those who you recognize as filling the right role, into your life and lift them up.
On that last note…
6) Surround yourself with honorable folks, who honor you. Some folks might not be honorable, but will seem to honor you. Others might seem to be honorable, but will dishonor you. Funny thing about truly honorable folks: They are dishonor intolerant. Dishonorable behaviors, environments, and relationships don’t sit well with honorable people. So you can usually figure out who is and isn’t an honorable person who will honor you, by being honest about how you relate to one another.
This means you’ll have to figure out what relationships in your life are honorable.
Try figuring out how family, friends, loved ones, acquaintances affect your life by listing them under these questions. Folk may fit under more than one question.
Be brutally honest with yourself. And remember, family, fun and pleasure ain’t always gonna make a better you.
a) Whose relationship seems to encourage behaviors, thoughts or beliefs you’re trying to change?
b) Whose relationship involves insecurity, hurt, draining, regrets, jealousy, anger or competition?
c) Whose relationship do you prefer not to fully discuss with those closest to you?
d) Whose relationship is just kinda neutral?
e) Whose relationship feels consistently seamless, challenging, comfortable and limitless?
f) Whose relationship actually brings out your very best all around, consistently?
You guessed it. Those exclusively found on the last two lists are most likely your honorable relationships.
The others may be good, healthy relationships as well. Now, you can be aware that instead of advancing you, they will at best maintain the status quo. At worst, they may hold you or the other person back… Or implode.
That doesn’t mean you run around unfriending people or trying to turn the relationship into something it isn’t. You can not change people. But you can change the way you interact with them. Invest more time in your honorable relationships. At the same time, slowly commit to spending time in your other relationships only when you can honor them and yourself.
A natural shift will take place with deeper, more fruitful relationships growing where they were ready and waiting.
You can’t begin to love yourself if you’re surrounded by people who don’t love themselves, and share the same honor with you.
This won’t be pretty or easy but will change your life.