You’ve probably heard the sad tales of ridiculous superhuman standards and the multitudes of single humans wookin’ pa nub in all the wrong places because of them. And for the record, I abhor this tendency and am quite aware that even those of us who think we’re looking for the right things, sometimes aren’t. I even had to adjust my standards to find the dreamy, god-fearing man I’m with.
But today, we’ve got to recognize there is a huge difference between resetting dating criteria and recognizing your value. Your sense of self-love should block you from settling for anything less than goodness and honor like a cement wall lined with flashing red lights and danger signs.
There is absolutely no reason some fool (man or woman) with a gajillion, fafillion dollars, round backside or sculpted arms, and devilish charm should get away with treating you like anything less than the king or queen you are.
And if they can, guess what?
You, are not ready to be looking for someone to date.
You are still alive, still looking to improve yourself and therefore still worthy of the best life has to offer. But if you keep ordering chicken wangs at a five-star french restaurant that’s all you’re going to get.
Everyone in your life is someone you choose to put there. Your family, friends, coworkers, life partner: Everyone. And you need to know, and always remember that they should value and honor you: And receive the same in return.
That means urrrrbody is really really nice to you.
They listen. They do what they say they will. They’re there for you when things are tough. They celebrate your accomplishments. They respect you. They like spending time with you. They like you. They love you.
That should be the norm.
To be worth our time, a romantic relationship should be the most intimate relationship we have outside of the spiritual realm. It has to be extraordinary. It has to be far beyond normal, able to stretch and challenge and empower your growth. Would you trust a God that couldn’t do anything for you but be nice? I mean, that’s ok but I’ve seen the mountains, the galaxy, the clouds, the oceans… Just nice ain’t enough.
Which also means it’s the bare minimum, ground zero for any romantic relationship. What’s scary is, when folks have let the seeds of self-doubt, grow into the insidious crawler of self-loathing… Lots of things get a pass.
A person whose words and actions don’t line up, but apologizes really well is given a pass. A person who knows how to date well, or make you swoon but doesn’t awaken your spirit gets a pass. A person who’s great company but doesn’t inspire any greatness in you is given a pass. A person who does everything right but just isn’t ready to commit yet… Passes.
You deserve more. You are more.
But as long as you’ve got chicken wangs in your mouth there’s no room for lobster thermidor. As long as you’re filling critical roles in your life with the wrong people, you’ll never be able to get what you need from them at the most critical time.
You have to want more. And to realize that maybe, just maybe if you don’t want more… If you think it’s enough to have a piece of a person, the bare minimum of human interaction…
Maybe it’s time to ask why.
Why shouldn’t you get the fairy tale? Why shouldn’t you have the best of everything an amazing person has to offer you? Why aren’t you meeting the man or woman of your dreams?
It’s because there’s a lot more work you have to do on yourself first. Things that are familiar and more easily attainable are usually not the best things for us.
At some point in that five-star restaurant, with the French menu that lists chicken wangs in English… You’ve got to wake up and realize you ordered your dish because you didn’t know what everything else was, and how good it might be.
That’s not a choice.