We judge others more than we think. We judge when we think or say they did something wrong. We judge others when we think or say they hurt us. When we think or say they pissed us off. When we think or say they’re perfect. We judge others when we do anything other than accept who they are and love them for it.
Most of us would agree a lot more good comes from spreading the love than the judge.
Every instant we spend judging is an instant we’re not loving. So why judge?
Because it comes so easy. Like saying yes to the cupcake or martini, the day off, the extra pair of shoes… Yes to the question, “Are you feeling ok?”
It’s easy to say yes to everything but the real questions.
- Who are you to judge someone else and what do you gain from it?
- If everyone were perfect would you love them more and would you then focus on self?
Judgment isn’t positive expectation. Judgment is a passive-aggressive form of control, a silent curse, conviction and prayer for someone to be other than what they are: Know how we know? When there’s real authority behind a judgment it is an order, a formal decree.
If a Superior Court Judge says a person has performed an act of prostitution, murder, theft or adultery it is a conviction. It comes with sentencing to be carried out, punishable by law if unmet.
We need to take our judgment of others that seriously.
With every authorized or unauthorized judgment comes an implicit conviction and silent sentencing. There is an unvoiced curse, and unvoiced prayer for someone else’s change attached to every judgment passed.
They’re so negative! If only they’d be more optimistic! If only they had a more positive outlook on life!
If only no one else was mean; No one stole; No one were stupid; No one was so hard on you; No one cheated; No one thought you were untrustworthy; No one was lazy; No one drank or did drugs; No one were so greedy… No one had the nerve to wrong you… If only.
If only what?
If every flip-floppin’ human being, kitten and puppy on Earth were perfect, then what?
Then there might be nothing to judge. But is that really the issue? How did the problem become someone else’s failure first? How can we ignore the fact that we are cursing, convicting, directing remotely negative energy against people we should be showing love to?
If only we stopped long enough to recognize how much we’re hurting ourselves and others when we judge, we might inch toward loving instead of judging.
When we direct the idea that someone else is wrong and should change outward, we should instead consider in that moment if no other, we are wrong and need to change.
But oh boy is that difficult. No one wants to admit that when we think someone else is wrong, that means we are. When we think someone else needs work, that means we do. When we want someone else to change, we should.
If everyone else would just hurry up and be perfect, then we wouldn’t have to be. Right? That about sums up the spirit of judgment.
We aren’t challenged by perfection. We don’t grow when things are perfect. We become shallow, lazy and complacent when everything is always right.
It’s challenging to love a friend who hurt you. To love a family member who doesn’t support you. To love an enemy who curses you. To love through imperfection, sickness, ugliness and pain. There will always be people in the world who aren’t perfect. Not only are they just as deserving of love… They probably need more of it.
If everyone would just hurry up and be perfect.
Well… If nothing else, admitting we need everything to be perfect, for us to be perfect… Is acknowledging our flaw. That’s a step in the right direction. At least then we’re admitting that we’re just not that good at loving yet. I mean, we workin’ on it but it’s gonna take a minute.
What if, instead of seeing someone’s faults, we saw them as love requests, and reminders to work on ourselves? What if we saw them as opportunities to show off how well we love?
Instead of wishing folks would hurry up and be perfect so we can be lazy lovers, lets find a little more love where we missed it the first time around.