Aside

6/6/2012: The point of understanding

6 Jun

Thankful.

What a difference a year makes.

A day.

A moment.

This time last year I was in the ER with my beloved best friend, waiting for an ambulance to transfer him to a hospital across town. In the face of a life-threatening illness he was supernaturally high-spirited, an inspiration and utter mystery to his doctors.

Apparently he had multiple blood clots in both lungs and a painfully dangerous fluid buildup. After bringing him back from near flat-line, he was in and out of consciousness for a day and returned to the ER a week later.

Each doctor cheerily offered the comment that people usually drop dead from pulmonary embolisms, and the pain from his pleural effusion was a rare and lucky warning… So him still being alive was great.

They never figured out the cause.  Just so we’re clear on the gravity and awesomeness of what went down and up here…

Apparently pulmonary embolisms are usually caused by blood clots that form in your upper leg from sitting around too much, and/or being really overweight which messes with your circulation.  Sometimes clots even form because of a combination of an injury and bad circulation.  If a clot breaks free it can travel anywhere, like a tiny bullet inside your veins.  And if it hits heart, lungs or brain the effect, as our doctors dryly explained, is sudden death.

None of this had happened.  The clots disappeared just as stealthily as they came, never to return.

Crazy, right? Even crazier was that the moment it started unfolding we were both praying constantly, together and individually.  It was so dramatic and sudden we knew clearly where to focus, and it wasn’t on our confused and clinical doctors.  I can only imagine what it was like for him.

I was surprised by how hard it was for me.

The circumstances created a clear picture of how much I needed to heal and grow.  Apparently I had some silent killers too: My ignorant reliance on my best friend for comfort and peace instead of God; A dangerous obsession with being everything for everyone instead of myself for me, and for God.  I had so much to learn and, of course, no idea.

What a difference a year makes. A month. An hour.

Today it’s hard to believe it even happened, except for the painkillers and blood thinners left over.

His name, Ebenezer means stone of help in Hebrew, and he was always my rock. Even when it seemed he couldn’t offer support and comfort God used him to point me toward the true rock, our one unshakable source of peace, strength, comfort and joy.

I’ve been writing for a while now about how critical it is to change the way we think, our habits.  Thinking habits dictate the way we live our lives.

For me, it’s been a long journey to arrive at the place of awareness about how powerful our thought patterns are, and how at any moment the choice of peace changes everything.

Part of my journey had to include this pretty violent experience to learn me some things:

Sometimes God will put Himself in a context-clear space.  So you can see, He is your choice.  And the best one at that.  The context clarity  is that even with the best of care, with love, with family, money, shelter, food, friends, the outcome is in His hands.  Your spirit is in His hands.  

That clarity then simplifies everything else.  All the drama and urgency and worry and burden we attach to our everyday stuff washes clean of any weight, and falls in line under what’s most important.  When you get to the place where you have everything, but really all you need is prayer… You realize how backwards you were.  

Prayer is first.

Not the last, dramatic, desperate Hail Mary of a tragedy.  Prayer places you above all the stuff, and makes sure you’re always in the best place no matter what’s given to, or taken from you.  So every day you carry with you, the plan of attack that resets how you live, moment to moment:

What a perfect reset for what really matters: At some point we all have to realize it’s not about ourselves, our friends, family, our relationship, our money, our job, connections, opportunities, health, struggles dreams or even…

Our purpose.

As we buzz about our worlds, striving toward our purpose we act after we’ve thought.

And if for any length of time we don’t place God first in our thoughts and before every action…

Especially the little ones, we’ll look up and realize we covered a lot of ground and maybe, just maybe we were going in circles.  Or backwards.  Or struggled with every step.

Maybe, just maybe, someone we didn’t realize was watching saw and followed in our footsteps, or took the cue to embrace struggle when we didn’t mean for them to be impacted.

You matter.

Your spiritual, mental and emotional health matters.

You’re making a difference whether you intend to or not.

All those little conversations with God make sure you leave life, inspiration, and change for the better in your wake instead of mess, destruction, or confusion.

I hope your sights stay set high, always and that you live in the peace that comes with the right perspective on life.

Without God we have nothing. With Him, even when it seems you have nothing, you have more than anyone could ever lay hold to.

Thank God for every second of life.  Image

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The Power to Reset: What have you been training for all your life?

29 May

Have you ever noticed how powerful your mind is?

Like, it is not only your calculator and figure-it-outter, but also your filter, your feeling producer and processor, your body’s puppet master, spirit receiver and soul feeder.

Technically, nothing should get in or out, done or felt without your mind having the final say-so.

Tricky thing about our minds is, we’ve spent our entire life training it like an athlete would their body… But we had no clear plan, purpose or intention behind our mind-training.

Por ejemplo.

A sprinter knows they need to build lean muscle and strength to run at top speed, so they design their meal and exercise plans to build that body type.

A football player knows they need heft, speed, power, aggression, quick-thinking, strength and agility so they add to their plan the mental training of a warrior.

Athletic dancers (like gymnasts, synchronized swimmers, ballerinas, figure skaters, etc.) know they need control, flexibility, strength, speed, balance and grace… All of which are heightened with a certain body type.  So dancers typically train from a younger age to not only work daily to develop those physical qualities, but to shape their body as it is developing into the type needed for optimal performance.

They work closely with experts from an early age to develop the right tools, techniques, styles, and processes to succeed in masterfully controlling their bodies in executing this dangerous but beautiful art form without risking injury or death.

Blessed with a passion for using their gift, they are compelled to constantly hone and sharpen themselves.  But even the most gifted and passionate dancer knows their life can’t begin or end with their art: Art is an expression of life.

Our lives must be full, with an understanding of the beauty and purpose in being alive for any art to truly reflect meaning and depth.

Training begins young (between 5 and 10 years old) to let dancers get in front of physical development to shape and mold the body for performance.  That’s their choice.

Whether we like it or not, we begin our life-training the second we enter the world:  Peaceful birthing instills love early, a perfect breeding ground for emotional security and self-confidence.  Violent childbirth plants a seed of fear that can manifest in low confidence and insecurity.

Training starts so early for us, there’s a whole lotta stuff we had no control over or even interest in, that  got in front of not only our physical, but our mental and spiritual development.

We’ve been shaped and molded for life.

Just because we didn’t call it training or instruction doesn’t mean it didn’t do exactly that.  Passive or active, learning is still learning.

And it won’t stop until we step in and reset our training, redefine our patterns.

Which starts with figuring out how we were trained, knowing what our patterns are.  And, what’s that even mean, to train?

Train:

To direct the growth usually by bending, pruning, and tying
To form by instruction, discipline, or drill
To teach so as to make fit, qualified, or proficient
To make prepared (as by exercise) for a test of skill

Think about it: How were you trained?
Examples of life-training we don’t choose:
  • Family of sedentary over-eaters–> Training to develop and maintain an overweight body.
  • No boundaries/ privacy/ respect for individuality–> Training to violate, intrude, conform.
  • Focused on spending and extravagance–> Training to love materialism and poverty.
  • Exposed to abuse or violence (verbal/ physical/ sexual/ substance)–> Training to be abused or violent.
  • Emotionally unintelligent, non-communicative–> Training to be emotionally retarded, poor communicator.
  • Spiritually void–> Training to be unstable, purposeless.
  • Accepted and celebrated sexiness or lust–> Training to chase sex.
  • Surrounded by underachievers, or within a dysfunctional family, or a home lacking in love or spirituality–> Training to be a lesser you.
CRAZINESS.
Right?  And that is not an exhaustive list by any means.

But here’s the awesome thing.

No one, no matter how perfect their parents are, had a childhood 100% full of fun, learning, adventure, acceptance, spirituality, discipline, love and freedom.

That’s the training you need to become your best you.  Becoming you is not age-exclusive.

So do some soul-searching.  Some retraining.

Athletic dancers practice regularly.  So do you.  With every choice.

Try this exercise:  

Next time you face a decision, ask yourself “What training have I had to qualify me to make the best choice for me?”

If you’re like any other human, the honest answer is either:

(a) None.  Or,

(b) Dang. I might have been trained to make the worst choice.

Then, the fun begins.

All of a sudden you acknowledge you’re not bound by a training plan.

You’ve jumped past your limits and can get real.

You were made by design.  That means there’s a plan for you, and it’s good.  

You weren’t trained to think wrong, you were given a reason to study your design plan with its designer.

So pray to scrap all that bad training; To heal and repair all the damage it caused; To forgive and bless all your trainers and yourself; To give you the right training plan and trainers; 

To restore your thinking for your best you.    

 

 

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What “praying for Oklahoma” means to me…

21 May

It’s not always clear what “I’ll pray for you” or “You’re in my prayers” means to everyone. 

This is what I’m Praying for Oklahoma means to me. 

We know who God is. We know that no matter how much lies seem to suggest otherwise, God is GOOD. We know that’s why it’s impossible for science to predict tornadoes, contain hatred or explain miracles and release love.

We know tragedy strikes, bad things happen. And when they do, there is no way to undo what’s been done. But there is deepening, strengthening, and growth in loss and pain. 

IN loss and pain. It’s easy to think the best way to help someone is to uplift them, encourage them to see the good in what happened. The hard reality is, we have to feel hurt and pain, we can’t skip past it. Grief is like a huge tractor, digging up mountains of earthen soil in a massive disruptive effort to clear a place for a great planting to be done. We can support that by standing with those who grieve, by mourning with them, by praying for them and holding them up when their knees buckle. Trying to push past the natural healing process is like opting out of the tractor process, and bringing in a big above ground bed to plant in. It limits the depth and growth God planned to release through the tragedy. 

So, as much as we know every sweet memory will be joyfully cherished;
As much as we know every joyous moment will be tearfully reflected on;
As much as we know we will hold every lost loved one in our hearts forever;
As much as we know we will live in deeper purpose, more powerful intention, more grateful posture for every second…

We also know everyone’s lives, our losses, our walk is our own and we are here to support and encourage each step forward. And even more, to surround our brothers and sisters when they crumple to the ground and lovingly watch over them until they can stand again. We know who God is: We know God is GOOD, and when we ask we receive. We know that we are the activation points for God’s work. We know this tragedy will not leave behind unhealed irreparable scars, but instead build powerful, indomitable strength. 

That’s what praying for Oklahoma means to me.

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True thoughts: The truth is always simple, always good.

15 May

I’ve been writing about recognizing how critical our thoughts are, and how we can embrace the fact that we are masters of our own minds.   Yes, this was inspired by an Adam Sandler flick.  And yes, at some points it was full Sandler.  But in between those points it drove home what happens when we relinquish control over our minds and ultimately our lives: Accepting the worst instead of fighting for our best.

Hopefully you’ve been reading along since early March, but if not these may be inspiring also:

Urgency of mind renewal

Importance of rest

Function of rest

Minding what you take in

Mastering your environment

The last post was about the importance of centering your thoughts… And now, we get into the how of all this.

Years ago, I was confronted with a dilemma: A conflict I needed to resolve.  It involved repeated trips to a car mechanic for the same unresolved problem.  FYI, in my former life I was a people-pleaser and perfectionist of the most exceptional kind.

So of course, I reasoned ever-so-politely with the mechanic to no avail.  I left in tears feeling helpless and abused.  Frustrated, I called my dad, who seems sometimes to revel in pissing people off, and whose approach to conflict resolution is more sledgehammer or automatic weapon than loving, reasoned debate.  He and my mom are peas in a pod in that regard.

He offered to go back to that dealership and tear them a new one.

As he fired himself up to help I realized the sledgehammer wasn’t necessary: Not for the situation, nor for me.  I realized I could deal with this conflict in my own way even though I had no model to look to.  I went back to the dealer and got what I wanted.  No hollering.  Just firmness, clarity, persistence.

Years later, my husband-to-be encouraged me in this, telling me to “stand your ground, speak the truth, and hold your peace.”  (He’s awesome.)  I’ve since added some unconventional weaponry like singing, hugs, prayer and service to the mix… More on that another day.

We don’t grow up with the models for how we should tackle life through action: No one is perfect.  And we don’t always have anyone there to explain to us how each thought leads to every action, good or bad: No one is a mind-reader.

Instead, we have models of the actions that come from someone else’s habitual thinking and mind in need of renewal: In our parents, teachers, professors, coworkers, lovers, friends, siblings, leaders, strangers and even characters in films, television shows and stories we read.

So where do we turn?

When you know this thinking thing needs to get right, and are ready to try, it’s not good enough for someone to point to the Dalai Lama, or Albert Einstein, or even Jesus… And instruct you to think like them, be like someone else.

That’s like telling someone stuck  in quicksand crying for help to look at the top of Mount Fiji and just move: “You can do it!”

Not only is the goal impossibly far away… Every move you make to get there pulls you deeper into your own habitual thinking.  The deeper you get, the less you can move.

Haven’t you ever gotten great advice and somehow, applied it the wrong way?  That’s because when our minds aren’t renewed they’re are a lot like malfunctioning machines: A virus-infected computer.  Nothing responds right.

That’s why lofty, seemingly unattainable advice without practical immediate steps may feel so discouraging.

A lot of the time, you don’t just need to see the mountain top, you need to grab a hold of something right next to you.

You need a bridge from where you are to where you’re headed.

That’s what this is about: You have everything you need already to get started, you just have to embrace that it won’t look like what you’ve seen before… But it’ll be good.

Try these simple daily steps for just a week and see whether your thinking, your life changes:

  • Ask yourself whenever you can:  Am I thinking about something that at the end, is good? Or bad?  And is it simple or complicated?  Truth, and renewed thinking is always good, always simple.
  • Every morning first thing, pray for protection over your thoughts.  Pray for newness, a new mind, fresh you.  Pray to see what your life is really, truly about: purpose.  And… Pray blessings for any and everything you hold negativity toward.  That could be the gubmint, media, a childhood frenemy… Even yourself.
  • Last, every day, read a proverb:“For gaining wisdom and instruction;
        for understanding words of insight;
    for receiving instruction in prudent behavior,
        doing what is right and just and fair;
    for giving prudence to those who are simple,
        knowledge and discretion to the young—
    let the wise listen and add to their learning,
        and let the discerning get guidance—
    for understanding proverbs and parables,
        the sayings and riddles of the wise.“

    Sounds good, huh?  Straight from the Bible.  I said it.  And refused to read, much less own a bible until a few years ago.  But I couldn’t deny the truth in proverbs, the simplicity of them.  Reading them daily helps to remodel your thinking around the truth.

Truth is always good, always simple.

Time to start thinking like it.

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Spotting: Maintaining a center for sober thoughts so your life is anti-venom

2 May

I think, probably the most annoying annoyance in the history of annoyances is when something you know shouldn’t get under your skin, does.  Like a person’s behavior.  Or a foul odor.  Colds.  Sometimes, the news.
Even worse is when you can reasonably convince yourself, you should have seen whatever annoying circumstance was coming, and prevented it.
Also known as recognizing you failed.  Or made a mistake.
Big, small, noticed or unnoticed.
Everyone does it.
Maybe it’s failing an important test.  Or maybe it’s forgetting to respond to a casual text message.  Or maybe it’s a life-changing decision you can never un-decide.
At some point, everyone is a failure.  Everyone a success.
And still we pore over how mistakes could have been avoided, better handled, and will be eliminated from our future.
As if any of that were possible.
It’s done.
Why do we discard all the good leading up to -and sure to follow- the mistake, in favor of some good-old-fashioned self-hatred meditation?
Not smart.  Dangerous.
When we mess up is when we most need encouragement, hope.  That’s when we feel low.  But instead of seeking, giving, receiving encouragement and hope we do the opposite.
There’s no balance, no stability in that.
Let’s check out the other end of the spectrum.
What if, for every single victory no matter how big or small, we dropped everything, and started repeating to ourselves how amazing and impressive we were?  Threw a day-long celebration, calling and spending hours sharing with everyone how incredible our accomplishment was?
When we succeed is when we need to be settled, feel grounded most.  That’s when we feel high.  But instead of seeking, giving, receiving settling and grounding, we do the opposite.
Not smart. Dangerous.
Digging a hole for ourselves when we fail, floating around on clouds when we  succeed, or living only to avoid or reach either moment…
Is a life out of balance.
Spinning, disoriented.
Dizzy.
Life is meant to be steady, sure, with consistent forward motion, perpetual growth, constant change, building energy.
Kinda like a dance.
We could learn from the way dancers spin, leap and soar so effortlessly.
Dancers use a technique called spotting to encourage balance and discourage dizziness when spinning:
Spotting happens in daily life when before we mess up or achieve, our mind is already settled, focused: on unchanging truth, right thinking.
That’s our head moving faster, so it is stable and at rest when our actions catch up.
When our body finishes its turn, or something happens in our life, our mind is already poised, ready for the next turn.
Spotting in our daily life is us being stable every second of every day, focused on the certainty of radical love, sureness, ascension, patience, safety, propulsion.  Peace.
Let’s develop the habit of spotting in our lives: Centering our mind, so that when life spins, we are focused, sure and anticipating the next turn.
Steady.  Sure.  Balanced.
First of all, how do you spot?
By getting and staying:
Marked by sedate or gravely or earnestly thoughtful character or demeanor.
Unhurried, calm.
Marked by temperance, moderation, or seriousness.
 
And how do you get and stay sober?
  • Know what is toxic to your environment, body, mind and spirit.  Prayer is the test when in doubt.  Learn, and relearn what is toxic constantly: It changes as you do.
  • Purge toxicity from your environment, body, mind and spirit.  Search for and eliminate it constantly: It shifts as your world does.
Now…
This does NOT mean you put yourself in some isolation bubble with a helmet, blinders and cone of shame as your constant companions.  That would be every bit as ridiculous, self-defeating, and funny as it sounds.
You were created to interact, to impact.
So the beauty of these tools is that when you practice them constantly, you become anti-venom.  How rad is that?  Superheroes all day long.
You bring purity, light, truth, balm, and clarity wherever you go like a healing oil slick… You disperse toxicity, and all the less substantial, thinner matter around you.

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Sputnik Says: Longing for the past will rob you of present healing needed for future blessings.

19 Apr

Yo, he really said that.

Okay.

Really, what hat happened was, I woke one morning and went to share cuddle-time.  Without it Sputnik gets antsy and pouts.

This particular morning he was so flippin’ excited he just kept playing with his favorite toy of the moment: An empty plastic container.  He’d alternately try to bury the toy in my lap, or just run around the room at top speed with the toy in his mouth.  He’d get tired, drink thirstily and continue.

Knowing he needs physical affection, eventually I gently took the toy and put it out of his reach.

He stopped dead in his tracks and glanced at me, then stared at the spot the toy had disappeared to.  Then sat on his haunches, staring at the invisible toy.  Every couple seconds he’d glance at me, then back at the toy void.

I tried to call him over.  Tried to pick him up.  He wouldn’t have it.  He’d go right back to his little spot and stare at the toy void.

It struck me how familiar his behavior was.  Not that I stare at toy voids.

But sometimes…

We get so preoccupied with what we want, when it’s taken from us whether for a moment or forever, but definitely for our own good…  We allow ourselves to stand still and become paralyzed, fixated on something no longer in our reach.

Be mindful of whether mourning over or meditating on something you think you want is keeping you from what you need.

Longing for the past will rob you of present healing needed for future blessings.

Sputnik says.

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Never under duress: Master your environment and mind.

19 Apr

I strained my back during dance class recently and am (sparingly) taking muscle relaxers and painkillers along with doing physical therapy… Which is another way to say I’ve been super drowsy and laying around a lot the past few days.  And after a shocking series of unexpected events, I realized how much my pain, grogginess, and medicine influenced my thinking and behavior.

As if I needed another reason to be convinced I’m in a season of recognizing and changing thought habits for the better.  I’m not fighting it though: Lessons come in all shapes, sizes and sources.

The last few posts here have focused on how important, functional and influential mental rest is; on recognizing the simple truth that what you feed your mind matters.

It matters what you’re taking in.  But also, once you’ve let something into your mind, the way you think, the habits you’ve developed over a lifetime can still turn something perfectly healthy into waste.

Por ejemplo, a pessimist’s outlook vs. an optimist’s.  Or, the way you think when you feel angry or hurt, vs. when you feel happy and relaxed.  Or, the way you think when you know all the information vs. when you know only one side.  Or, the conclusions you draw when you think you’ve dealt with something before, when by definition it’s an altogether new experience… Unless you have a time machine.

The way we think is influenced not only by what mind-food we eat, but what mind-altering environment we find ourselves in whether we consciously chose it or not.

No matter how peaceful, enlightened, and spiritual you are, it is impossible to think clearly while hungry, drunk, sleepy, hurting, rushed, ill-informed, and angry about it to boot.

Along with being intentional about what kind of mind-food you take in, remember your environment matters, and you can choose it.  Be aware of what’s going on within and around you and exercise your control over it.

There’s a reason why contracts executed under duress can be considered illegal:  When you feel forced to make a decision, you are not in your right mind.

Everyday coercion is much less dramatic and much more frequent than you think.  Sometimes it’s thinking you won’t have time, or another opportunity.  Or that you can’t afford to do something differently, or don’t know how to.

Own your thinking.  Dictate what the ideal circumstances are for you to think something through.

You can choose not to feel pressured to act, feel, or make a decision on the spot.  You can choose to rest if you feel tired.  To eat if you feel hungry.  You can choose to relax and reclaim your peace if you feel upset.  You can choose to heal if you’re hurting.  You can choose to see a different perspective and uncover more information.

Sometimes all you need to see a situation clearly is a few seconds of deep breathing and a prayer.

Exercise: Every day, as often as you can, take a minute to interrupt your thinking-no matter how mundane or simple it seems- and just take inventory by asking yourself:

Am I calm?  Am I pressured?  What’s influencing me?  Are my choices limited?  

Then, remind yourself of the reality:

You are limitless.  You are free.  You are at peace.  You already have everything you could ever need.  In this moment, you are everything you can possibly be.  

We have years and years of habit built up.  Take steps every single day toward breaking them down.  Choose what you feed your mind, and choose what you allow to influence your state of mind.

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