Most of us spend too much of our lives surrounded by stuff we don’t feel we can really choose for ourselves. Partly because we feel forced to choose from a limited selection among family, school, friends, work, or church.
When we finally reach a place where we recognize our decisions are truly our own, options limitless, it’s freeing.
The idea of saying “Yes” to something new and purposed for the best you is encouraging and life-affirming. It’s huge and all too rare to fully embrace change, for the better. Some folks never do. Once you have, it’s equally important to reject static, for the best.
That’s tough. The idea that your “Yes” also needs to be reinforced and empowered by saying “No” to things that are old and not purposed for the best you, is daunting.
And, you’ll have few advisers to turn to.
If all you do is say “Yes” the clutter of old and new, bad and good, stagnant and fresh, random and purposed… Emboldened by the chatter of non-advisers in the quiet of limited counsel will weaken your resolve and cloud the clarity of change you embraced.
It’s not easy. If everyone embraced change, then even if you didn’t say “No” and take that critical step to reject and remove clutter, folks around you might steer you back on track.
That ain’t the case.
Instead, it’s far more likely that in the middle of your challenging and radical transition everybody will have some unsolicited criticism and advice to offer you about you.
While they remain unchanged.
Saying “Yes” to change and new advisers without saying “N0” to habit and old advisers is like trying to pretend one termite-infested piece of wood won’t infest the entire structure you’re building… And expecting the pest-control guy to tell you the truth about whether that piece will matter.
So we have to regularly remind ourselves that what we have, and who we are is rare and wonderful. Actively choose to be around people who affirm that instead of those who question and judge the improved, unfamiliar you.
Actively choose to be around people who are constantly seeking to learn about you, because they assume you’re constantly growing and evolving…
Because they are too.
Actively reject people who cling in fear to the past, investing time and resources in the sequel, depleting your time and resources in the process.
Your life is not an uninspired pop song.
It is purposeful, new, changing, confident, challenging, fresh, and refreshing.
Whenever something random, old, inflexible, insecure, easy, stale and tiring comes along, don’t hesitate to say “No.”
Because when that something has eaten away the foundation of your new structure, it will return with lies of worry about how you will recover, to keep you comfortable in need. Projecting judgment and unhappiness disguised as jokes, concern and care for you.
As you go about making choices, remembering you have unlimited options and resources, ask yourself:
- Am I working with the best architect or advisers?
- Am I using the very best building material?
- Am I choosing the best design?
- Am I building to weather the storm or bask in the sunshine?
That poor direction, rotted wood, misplaced weight-bearing wall, or hurricane will tear everything up at the worst time: When you need to depend on it most. It’ll crumble before your eyes.
Your best you, won’t be easy, readily accessible, inexpensive, or unoriginal. That means your advisers won’t be any of those things either, because they have to be the best.
If an architect offered to design, build and pay for your dream home, but you realized they’d never built anything, and tend to leave a mess in their wake when they try…
Would you see the truth that you deserve and will have the best, then follow the signs they’re the wrong one to build with? Or would you believe the lie that they have a once-in-a lifetime opportunity and jump at the chance?
That’s what happens when, broken, we desperately take what broken folks offer.
When you’re whole you don’t run around trying to fix other people or expecting them to fix you. And you don’t desperately accept anything from any broken body who offers stale thinking about you or anything in your life.
As you embrace change and newness, think of rejecting static and staleness as only accepting, hearing, and responding to the truth: That’s all you’ll get or give with your best advisers.
Why settle for less when you’re the one who has to live with the consequences?
- Get comfortable saying “No” without compromise.
- Get comfortable saying “Because this is better for me” with sincerity.
Every second of every minute of every hour of every day, practice knowing and loving yourself enough to choose who and what affirms your best you.
Tina Watkins Quaye 
Thank you! Wow, that was really deep and so very true! This line is says it all “That’s what happens when, broken, we desperately take what broken folks offer.” We have to leave that mess alone!
Thank you for reading. The truth is a powerful thing.