For the men: Relationship advice and affirmations fit for a king.

In today’s world of hurting and imperfect people, far, far too much time is spent feeding lies about men.  About women too, but that’s another discussion.  Today, even as I thank God to be with the most amazing man I’ve ever known, the reality is my hurts and imperfections used to keep me from affirming him in the truth.  And we’ve had an amazing relationship!  But it wasn’t good God enough.

Still far from perfect, but I know:  The truth is, every single one of you is already a powerful, strong, good, successful, faithful, sensitive, committed, loving provider who is or will be an incredible leader, husband and father.

Too often, television, movies, videos, music, advertisements, articles, studies, books, families, employers, and even the church, men, and us women… Are like an endless stream of y’all can’t do right and y’all need to get right so y’all can be right.

When it seems like the world is lining up against the truth about you, what the flip is a man to do with that?

Maybe, you can struggle and succeed against the odds, then ignore the isolation and unrealistic expectations when you’re heralded as the exception for all mankind.

Maybe, you can begrudgingly embrace what the world tells you about yourself and pretend it makes you feel good: That’s just the way men are.

Maybe, you know you need to work on yourself but it seems like there’s no space to do it without being judged, accused and labeled as statistic, reject or exception?

The truth:

You are perfect.

Just the way you are.

You are a man.

Just the way you are.

You are the best man.

You are enough.

You are strong.

You are a great provider.

You know how to love.

You know how to lead.

You know how to give someone everything they need from you.

I can say that with certainty because you’re alive.  And that means you can be, and do all those things for yourself.

So today, and everyday be affirmed.  Remember the truth:

  1. Your relationship with God comes first: Submission to God means full obedience, faithfulness and sacrifice to Him alone.  That’s what it means to live for God.  Healing, power, truth, love, leadership and strength first.  If you submit first to your wife, yourself,  your job, church, family, friends, or the random pull of life’s adventures you are willingly settling for being a lesser man for everything and one in your life, including yourself.  Only God defines your manhood: Not your father, grandfather, wife, kids, boss, pastor, friends, media, self-help books or therapist.  He made you, and wrote the greatest book ever about what it truly means to be a man.
  2. Without purpose, everything will flounder: Ever try to just grab some tools and stand in the middle of the house, twisting screwdrivers and turning wrenches, swinging the hammer?  Of course not.  That’s what life without purpose looks like.  You have to know why you’re here.  And then carefully choose the right tools to use, including relationship, employment, and everything else in your life, to make sure you advance toward that purpose.  Randomness and purpose aren’t partners.  As long as  you live you can uncover your purpose, by going back to number 1.
  3. You are responsible for your own happiness: There is joy and peace in your purpose.  Without it, life and the search for meaning within it is exhausting.  In purpose, happiness is seamless and endless.  Without it, lies run wild: Like the lie that it’s meaningful to share responsibility for someone else’s happiness; the lie that your spouse or marriage will make you happy;  the lie that your spouse or family can possibly make you unhappy.  You’ll be lured into a meaningless spiral of deceit, off-course and away from your purpose into random grasps for fleeting stimulants.
  4. Integrity, consistency, and transparency are the language of trust: The truth is good.  It’s perfect.  That’s why the truth can’t be hidden, or changed, or negotiated.  That’s why trust isn’t just about lying.  It’s about how well a person knows the language of trust and how fluently they speak it.  God is the truth.  Honoring God, and being trustworthy is about honoring truth by demonstrating strong character and values, by being dependable, reliable, and completely open.  Without that honor, you create a breeding ground for fear, lies, pain, anger and worse:  That isn’t the truth, and certainly isn’t God.  Become fluent in the language of truth, then expect to communicate in it with every relationship.
  5. You can’t fail: You can’t lose.  You can’t break anything or anyone.  You can’t hurt anyone or thing in a way that God can’t heal.  If something isn’t going right in the moment, it isn’t a reflection on you and you don’t have to try to fix it.  Just your presence and reassurance of love undiminished really is enough.  If you have item 1 down, you know the revelation firsthand: Being loved no matter what, and even more because of, is the most powerful healing agent of all.  If you’re a father, husband, boyfriend or single man it is because He authorized it.  He doesn’t make mistakes.  Let go of the crippling worry that you won’t, can’t, might not and move, with the fearless determination of the Highest authority behind you.
  6. The solution is always more love: God is love.  The most radical, convicting, honest, healing, beautiful, perfect love so unfathomable even the slightest revelation of it is life-changing.  That’s why your relationship with, your connection to perfect love and to God is the most important of all.  Until you have that, the way you love yourself and others, and therefore the way they love you, will be limited.  When you know you’re His precious favorite child, accepted just the way you are with extra for  those parts that are least lovable, because they need love most…  Your relationships will grow and replenish you, forever new.
  7.  *Know the God- given roles for people in your life and respect His direction.  
  8. **Know who your  provider is, and what that means about your worth.  

Then comes the fun part.

Once you get your own house in order, you can effectively go about the business of making this world a better place by guiding the next man in the right direction.

*Link added 1-25-13

**Link added 1-29-13

2 Replies to “For the men: Relationship advice and affirmations fit for a king.”

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