I’m fascinated by the intensity of the unmarried population’s marriage outlook these days. It seems to range from I have a wedding dress (or ring) all picked out… To half of marriages end in divorce, all men will cheat and all women will hurt you, so what’s so bad about polygamy anyway?
Having been in a life-changing, amazing relationship for longer than some folks have been married I’ve had quite a ride. And I know, without a doubt, with all the introspection, prayer, self-analysis, growth, and etc. that I’ve done, there’s still more to do before I’ll be ready to marry the man of my dreams. No offense love.
Know how I know?
It’s simple: We’re not married yet. We’re not even engaged.
There’s no fear or judgment or worry about why not. I’m acutely aware of what I still need to work on to truly be ready to hold my own in a covenant relationship as a wife. That work has everything to do with me.
One person’s work is no harder or easier, better or worse than another’s. Some folks have to overcome a lifetime of longing for marriage and family. Others a lifetime of rejection. Others a lifetime of abuse, and still others a lifetime of being promiscuous, or being lost, or without purpose. Others, a lifetime of perfect expectations. Still others, a lifetime of conditioning that led to misplaced values and dependency.
So. The number one thing to remember about marriage as a single person is how incredibly simple it is.
If you were ready to be married, you would be.
That’s not some judgment against you, your imaginary white knight, your relationship status or lack thereof.
The statement “If you were ready to be married, you would be” is not only a great perspective-setter, it’s also a handily inarguable fact.
Let’s back into it.
You gotta get married to be married.
And if you were truly ready for your wedding, I mean you had the bride or groom, plans all set, bubbles and flower girls etc… you’d be at or on your way to the venue in your tux or gown right now. Perhaps the day hasn’t arrived yet.
To have a wedding date you’ve gotta have someone to marry. If you were really ready to be a fiance, there’d be a ring on your finger. If you were actually ready to get engaged you’d be in the middle of the proposal this moment. Perhaps the proposal is on its way.
To get engaged you gotta meet your fiance at least (I hope). I mean, if you were in fact ready to meet your mate they would have been introduced to you, as such. Perhaps at the next date they’ll say they think you’re their future spouse.
To tell someone they’re your future spouse you gotta at least know someone. If you were ready to court or be courted you’d have the next date set. Perhaps that’ll happen soon.
Until then, let’s honestly admit: If you’re single and looking, your search better be within and had better involve a power higher than you or an imagined spouse. If you haven’t found yourself yet, how is someone else going to?
Marriage isn’t a t-shirt you pull out of the closet and wear. It’s a covenant you form, a new family you build.
Why wouldn’t the first place you begin when it comes to getting married, with striving for the very best you?
Yes, of course there are folks who will have you while you’re unwilling to improve yourself, but why would you settle for that? Someone who doesn’t care if you want to be your best you, likely doesn’t care about being their best either. And y’all are going to procreate?
Save the babies.